Moss: Alright I think we’re just about ready here, what do you say Thunderbird!? Main event time?
Howley: You know it Moss! I can’t wait to see this big man matchup! It’s like having an aircraft carrier vs the Empire State Building! No matter what, we win!
Moss: As long as they don’t tear us down with them!
The fans are on their feet and buzzing as Harrold Robbins takes his position.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, this nontitle match has a 20 minute time limit and is our MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!
The fans cheer loudly.
Robbins: In the corner to my right, Hailing from a lost island in the Pacific…. Weighing in at 374 pounds…This is “The Pale Rider”…. HOLO MAKE!
The fans boo loudly as Holo glares at them.
Robbins: And his opponent…hailing from The Greatest Country on Earth! Weighing in at 469 Pounds! He’s the Classic Wrestling Premier American Champion…Being accompanied to the ring by Sensei Abraham Lincoln…This is SHUJIN YAMA!
Referee Chip Newman calls for the bell as both big men slowly walk to the middle of the ring. Neither man strikes a defensive posture, both are relaxed. They meet in the middle of the ring and stop about a foot from one another. The fans start low and get louder the longer they stare with oohs and aahs.
Moss: Neither one of these two are fan favorites Thunderbird, why the fascination with the matchup from the Classic Wrestling supporters here tonight?
Howley: It’s simple Moss, both of these guys are colossal men. One is six foot eight inches tall and built like an ox. The other is a former Sumo wrestler who actually outweighs the bigger man by almost a hundred pounds. A position Holo Make has rarely if ever found himself in. Likewise for Yama, a mountain of a man rarely has to look up to his opponent!
Moss: So it’s monster vs monster…
Howley: Exactly! It’s a dream matchup no one ever thought they’d see, but of course that’s all we get here in Classic Wrestling! This is why I love my job! Count me as one more intrigued.
Finally Shujin Yama thrusts an arm straight forward catching Holo in the stomach. He flinches but doesn’t double over. Instead he quickly straights back up. Yama hits a quick kick to the leg of Make, he continues to stand tall. Sensei is incensed on the outside. Insisting Yama get on with it.
Moss: And here we go! Yama now unleashes not with one, not two, but a series of strikes, chops and otherwise here!
Holo finally has to move ground as he gets backed up against the ropes. Yama grabs him by the wrist and whips him off towards the other side. The strength now catches Holo off guard as he finds himself running. On the return Yama hits a shoulder block on the big man, but neither leaves their feet. They both rock and catch their balance. Make now insists that the PAC champion tries the same. Yama runs off the ropes and rebounds with with another shoulder block. Holo rocks again but Yama doesn’t wait for the invitation, he once again bounces and hits a clothesline.
Moss: Holo is on one leg! Can Yama get him…
Shujin hits the ropes one more time but Holo finds his balance, then ducks when Yama goes for the clothesline again. Somehow he’s able to get his giant frame under the arm of Shujin. Holo turns around and kicks the champion in the head as he recovers. Shujin falls through the ropes and lands hard on the outside of the ring.
Sensei Abe Lincoln runs over to assist the Champion and to give him some helpful advice as well.
Shujin puts his hands on the apron and goes to climb up when Make reaches over and clamps down on his head. Holo pulls Yama up on the apron, but Shujin is quick to drop back down slamming Holo’s throat across the top rope in the process.
Howley: He guillotined him! That’s one way to stop him.
Yama gets back in the ring now that he has the space. Holo turns around and the champion boots him in the stomach. Now that he’s doubled over, Yama grabs him in a reverse headlock and drops him down with a DDT. The mat shakes as both men hit it at roughly the same time.
Shujin moves over and covers the islander.
One…
Two…
Moss: Make is able to kickout in time!
Both men slowly make their way back up to a vertical base. As Yama comes in with a vertical chop, Holo is able to sidestep it and bring a knee up and into the gut. He then slams his giant tattooed forearms down on Shujins back over and over again. The fans groan as they hear the slaps. Yama walks a few steps through the pain before falling to one knee. Holo stalks behind him, each step seemingly closer. Just before Holo is able to grab his opponent he feels a THWACK on his ankle.
Outside the ring Sensei Abe Lincoln is smiling and looking out towards the crowd, seemingly impressed with himself as he holds up some kind of pipe-like weapon. Behind him he hears the big man hit the mat which makes him even happier. What he doesn’t count on was Make falling within reach…
Howley: HES GOT THE SENSEI! WATCH OUT!
Make from his back reaches under the ropes and gets one of his long arms around the neck of Sensei Abe Lincoln and pulls him towards the ring locking in a choke in the process. Lincoln flails, chokes and pulls the arm of Holo trying to break free. Much to the delight of the fans.
Yama jumps up and slams his bare foot down on the hurt ankle of Make, breaking the hold on his manager. He stands back up and this time drops a devastating knee down across the ankle. Make finally shows emotion as he is clearly in a lot of pain. He reaches for the ankle to protect it but Yama won’t have any of it.
Referee Chip Newman who didn’t see the initial strike is now pulling Yama off of Make as he uses the ropes to jump up and land on the ankle once more. Once he completes the move, he distances himself from the ropes under threat of disqualification. He motions to the fans that this is over and drags Make to an opposite corner.
Moss: He’s going for that patented Bonzai Drop! Make is hurt after that attack on his ankle from the foreign object of Sensei Abe Lincoln!
Howley: Yama’s climbing those ropes! We’ve seen this quite a few times Moss and everytime the other guy doesn’t get back up! Can Yama squash the Island Monster!?
Yama perches on the second rope and looks out to the fans. He mouths something at them and reaches down to balance himself. He bounces once, and crashes down onto….NOTHING!
Moss: Make has moved out of the way! Yama missed! Yama missed!
As Yama gets back to his feet he’s got one hand on his hurt keester and one hand on the ropes for Balance. He stands back up, and while Make can’t run, he sure as heck limps over to where Yama is and crashes into him head first!
Moss: Aina I Ka Pono!
Howley: You do, and you’ll clean it up!
The signature headbutt lands flush! Instead of sending Yama to the mat it sends him outside of the ring as he once again falls through the ropes. Referee Chip Newman begins his count.
One…
Two…
Howley: Where’s the sensei!?
Three…
Four…
Moss: I think he’s still out from that choking early!?
Five…
Yama hasn’t moved.
Howley: Did you just refer to it as a choking, like a stabbing?
Six…
Make is down on the mat still nursing that ankle. Far enough away that he can’t be grabbed from outside.
Seven…
Yama is up to a knee. Shaking the cobwebs loose. Sensei Abe Lincoln is crawling towards his wrestler.
Eight.
Yama stands up.
Nine.
He goes to get back in.
….
TEN!
The referee signals and the bell rings.
Moss: Yama didn’t make it under the bottom rope in time! Chip Newman called it!
Robbins: Here is your winner by COUNT OUT! THE PALE RIDER…..HOLO MAKE!
Howley: Oh man! What a statement by Holo Make! He just upset the Premier American Champion in a non-title match! That’s gotta put him in line for something Moss!
Moss: There’s no doubt about that! What a contest and what a win by Holo Make!
Inside the ring Make has his hand raised as he limps trying to walk off the ankle injury.
Yama is absolutely incensed, and there’s nothing Abe Lincoln can do. The sensei tumbles to the ground as Yama actually pushes past him. A fan in the front row is hanging an American flag over the edge of the barrier, and jeering at Yama with a thumbs down and several choice words that give the production team’s censor another workout.
He rips the American flag from the fan and brings it back into the ring. Holding it up above his head, for a moment the crowd isn’t sure how to respond. A couple even cheer! Until Yama throws the flag onto the mat, and stomps on it once – twice – three times with his mastodon-like hooves!
Lincoln pulls himself together, and takes up residence at Yama’s side once more, cackling as he is wont to do. Leaning up and over, he appears to whisper something into Yama’s ear and a face that wasn’t made to smile breaks out into a wicked grin. He nods, and as if following his master’s command, Lincoln reaches into a pocket on the inside of his tuxedo jacket, and pulls out what looks to be a lighter and some lighter fluid.
Moss: Oh no! Don’t do this!
Howley: Wait… why did he just happen to have all of that in his pocket?
Moss: Because he’s a villain, Thunderbird! A mean, dastardly villain, who just wants to see the world burn.
Howley: Actually, I think he might want to see something else burn right now.
Lincoln starts to unscrew the lighter fluid cap but he’s interrupted by a bellow from the ringside area where once again King Kong Frank has materialized, this time sans flag and microphone. Like a bolt of Appalachian Lightning he’s under the bottom rope and inside the ring with a look of unbridled and barely contained rage on his face.
KKF: LISTEN HERE YOU DUMB SUM-BI[bleep]!
Moss: Language! Oh no, the network!
KKF: MAH GRAN’PAPPY *AND* HIS OL’ GRAN’PAPPY **BOTH** DIED FER THAT THERE FLAG YOU BIG FAT LUMP’A TURDS AN’ I’LL BE DAGGUMED IF I’MMA GON’ SIT BACK AN’ LET YOU SET IT ON FIRE!
Frank makes to lunge, but Yama is faster than he looks, and he pushes Sensei Lincoln into harms way just a split-second before Frank can really do anything about it. Frank tosses Lincoln aside only for Yama to blast him square between the eyes with the Premier American Championship belt!
Howley: HE GOT HIM WITH THAT ONE!
Yama continues the attack, landing massive stomp after massive stomp on the fallen Barefoot Brawler. Sensei Lincoln has regained a bit of composure and started in on the running commentary as Yama continues to press the assault!
Moss: This is an outright mugging!
Howley: Ain’t it great?
Moss: How can you condone this kind of behavior?
Howley: I plead the 5th.
Finally Yama drops a sumo-sized legdrop across the head and chest of King Kong Frank. Clearly unsatisfied, the Oni of Oblivion grabs Frank and drags him over near the turnbuckle. He shouts some instruction at Lincoln, who does as his master bid and places the Japanese flag over the prone body of King Kong Frank.
“BANZAI!”
Yama, having already ascended the first two turnbuckles, crashes down onto Frank’s chest where he doesn’t budge, letting Frank feel the full bulk of the champion before crossing his arms over his chest and smirking yet again.
The scene fades without the usual goodbyes.