Blue Canada stands inside the ring, having been introduced to the fans in attendance before Classic TV came back from the break.
Robbins: His opponent, making his CLASSIC Wrestling debut, hailing from Port Aransas, Texas… he stands 6’1” tall and weighs in tonight at 240lbs… He is the master of Face Fist Style… DOJO DWAAAAAAAAAYNE!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Howley: I don’t know about this Dojo Dwayne character, he looks like a goof, Moss!
Moss: Will you be quiet? Dojo Dwayne is a quantifiable expert in the martial arts, T-bird!
Howley: Too bad this ain’t the All Valley Karate Tournament!
Blue Canada, the bluest Canadian you ever did see, charges in at Dwayne with a massive meat missile of a clothesline! Dwayne drops down into a split, deftly ducking the clothesline and letting BC overcorrect himself right into a standing thrust kick by the lightning-fast karate grappler! BC tries to scramble to his feet only to eat a serious round kick right upside his head!
Moss: Ready to eat those words yet?
Howley: Never! SWEEP THE LEG YOU BLUE DORK!
Dwayne drops to make a cover, but BC somehow has the wherewithal to get himself underneath the bottom rope and thereby out of bounds. Dwayne, ever the sportsman, quickly disengages to allow for a clean break and furthermore backing away to give Blue Canada just enough air and opportunity to get himself back up for another foray into the Dojo Dwayne Martial Arts system!
At the referee’s signaling Dwayne encroaches once more, reaching in for a collar-and-elbow tie-up, but Blue Canada is quick to jab a thumb into Dwayne’s eyeball!
Moss: Hey! That’s cheating!
Howley: It ain’t cheating if the ref don’t see it, Moss!
Moss: THE REFEREE IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE!
BC backs Dwayne into the near ropes before shooting him off to the opposite side. Dwayne rebounds and comes back with a full head of steam! BC drops down and Dwayne easily hops over him, this time instead of hitting the ropes again he hops up and deftly steps into the middle rope before launching himself backward and twisting through the air, delivering the funkiest flying foot-smash to the face that anybody in the building or watching at home had ever seen!
Howley: What in the-
Moss: HOLY CANOLI! Dojo Dwayne just took Blue Canada’s head clean off his shoulders!
Howley: He knocked him clean across the ring and out to the floor! How in the world did he get so much power behind that, Moss?
Moss: I’m not really up to snuff on the applications of modern martial arts to the professional wrestling, but if I had to guess it’d be something about adding Angular Momentum to the already educated feet of Dojo Dwayne!
Howley: Did you just math me, Moss?
As the two commentators natter on about the logistics of a springboard maneuver in a wrestling match, Blue Canada spends the next several seconds sucking wind on the outside while Dwayne keeps an eye on him from inside the ring. Right around the six-count Dwayne, having noticed a few kids at ringside looking up at him in awe, begins a short demonstration kata right there under the spotlights!
Moss: What a guy, that Dojo Dwayne!
Right around 9.9999999999999 Blue Canada manages to roll himself back in under the bottom ropes and Dwayne quickly turns his attention back to the blue Canadian in front of him! BC, like any villain worth his weight in Canadian dollars, musters up one final lunge at the Karate Grappler! Dwayne ducks easily, and just as BC hits the ropes and roars back Dwayne ruins him with a steaming double-back-chop to the midsection.
Howley: He got him right in the Bread Basket!
Dwayne follows up by reaching over and slapping BC as hard as he can right in the middle of the back, straightening the big man up just enough for Dwayne to deliver a perfectly placed Mongolian Chop on the bigger, bluer Canadian!
Moss: Look at that execution, Thunderbird! Notice how he got him right in the carotid arteries and not in the throat!
Howley: Looked illegal to me, Moss!
Blue Canada is on Dream Street, clearly staggered by the barrage of offense that he’d been on the receiving end of over the past few moments. A gleaming smile comes to the face of Dojo Dwayne just before he whips himself around and catches BC with a wicked spinning backfist right in the mush!
Moss: FACE FIST STYLE!
Howley: He got him RIGHT IN THE KISSER!
Blue Canada crumples.
Dojo Dwayne drops into a lateral press.
Moss: It’s all academic from here!
And it is.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Robbins: Your winner of the match, DOE. JOE. DWAAAAAAAYNE!