The dapper Otto Price is alone at his podium and waiting for his cue. The Classic-Wrestling faithful have their eyes glued to that eventful corner of the auditorium.
Otto Price: Ladies and gentlemen please allow me to introduce the new addition to our Classic Wrestling family. He calls himself “the Excellence of Extroversion.” THIS…is Nick Noble…
Price opens up some space by stepping aside so that Nick Noble struts into the interview. Noble is impressively dressed in a perfectly fit starlight blue suit. He adjusts the lapels of his suit jacket. His fingers comb his brown, silky, curly hair. He centers a pair of sunglasses on the bridge of his nose. His smile is pearl white, and blinding.
There’s not much reaction from the crowd. They’re ignorant to the mythical Nick Noble, but that’s what this interview is for.
Otto Price: Mr. Noble – we welcome you to the greatest wrestling promotion this side of the Milky Way, and we are extremely happy to have someone of your caliber gracing our locker room.
Noble leans toward the microphone.
Nick Noble: The Price is RIGHT, Otto, and on God I must tell you that it feels DANG good to be with Classic Wrestling. When you think of the terms “professional” and “wrestling” then the promotion that should be shouted from atop the highest worldly peak should be this company’s name. Praise be to Classic Wrestling! You see, Otto, I’ve come a long way to be here. It’s been 25 years, 3 months, and 4 days since Momma Noble wrestled with the Gods and gave birth to the greatest gift this universe has ever seen. I came through the light and immediately put Doc in a headlock. I slapped the nurse, kissed her on the lips, and then wrapped my umbilical cord around my waist and dubbed thyself THE champion of all natural births. It’s been since that very moment that the world has been on notice. I’ve won every tournament I’ve participated in, and any championship I’ve fought for. I don’t do participation trophies, Otto; no siree. With that said, Otto, I deserve to be here, and I will be the greatest real world’s champion this sport has EVER seen. ON GOD.
Noble slaps his biceps, and laughs arrogantly.
Otto Price: Mr. Noble…
Nick leans back in for an interruption.
Nick Noble: Call me Nick. Mr. Noble is my father.
Otto Price: Excuse me. Nick, you’re well aware that Classic-Wrestling is filled to the brim with the greatest professional athletes in the world. You said it yourself that you are a born fighter, and you deserve to be here. We must know the answer to a question now that you’ve broken the ice. The fans in attendance and everyone watching at home needs to know: what does it mean to be the Excellence of Extroversion?
Noble takes a moment to reflect with a half smirk.
Nick Noble: What does it mean to be the Excellence of Extroversion?
He strokes his polished, shaved chin, as he contemplates. A lightbulb goes off, and Nick points at Otto, and then the crowd.
Nick Noble: I’ll tell you what it means to be the Excellence of Extroversion. Do you see what I see? Otto, my friends in attendance, and all my friends around the world, THIS is a fitted, excursionist, Peter Millar suit. Do you know how much these cost, Otto?
He gives Otto a brief moment to think of a price, but Nick interrupts.
Nick Noble: They’re expensive, Otto, and that’s the point. I’m a high dollar-collar poppin’-hollar from the mountain SON OF A GUN. My carry-on is a silver RIMOWA. I fly first class, I’ve got natural sass, and I’m often a pain in the a-you get the point. Do you see these Herme’s blaise loafers? POLISHED. Do you see this Hermes tie? It’s got a tiger on it, Otto. A TIGER. I won’t even go into an abnormal detail about how remarkably stunning my briefs are, or the amount of karats covering my entire body. I am a man of class, and distinction. Most importantly – I have a lot of fun while doing it, and so will everyone else. If this little segment of showmanship didn’t describe to you what it means for me to be what I am then let’s get down to BRASS TACKS. Let’s not get it confused. I want everyone in attendance to understand that I’m a man of the PEOPLE. With that being said…everyone is invited to my party. Extroverts and introverts alike!
Otto attempts to pull the microphone back for another question, but Nick continues.
Nick Noble: Now, imagine the party when I become THE GREATEST Real World’s Champion! It’ll be a celebration! FOR THE PEOPLE! MY PEOPLE! I’m not here for the sole selfish reason to win, win, and win. I’m also here as a representation of the American dream. I’m here to show each and every milk-chuggin youngster on the planet that they, too, can reach the apex level that I’m on. However, winning will be what I do because I don’t lose. They, too, can peel themselves from the leather desk chair and scale that mountain. They, too, can rid themselves of their distasteful culture to drip with designer fashion, be equipped with athleticism, and REEK of inconceivable confidence and motivation. I will be Classic-Wrestling’s epitome of what it means to be the best, the example of greatness, and the Wheaties representation of the Classic-Wrestling HERO. Because that’s my nature, and that’s my drive. That’s my birthright. ON GOD!
He tops that off with another signature arrogant cackle and then immediately exits the interview. Otto is left alone and watching the classic superstar strut away in a blaze of undeserved glory. Price turns to the camera.
Otto Price: Well, there you have it folks! Nick Noble, the Excellence of Extroversion, has arrived and his sights are set directly on what every Classic Wrestling superstar wants most: The Real Worlds Championship. Moss, Thunderbird, back to you!