Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
The camera cuts to the innermost region of a dark, desolate cavern somewhere in the unknown.
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
And in said cavern, a lone torch lights the way.
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
The torch shines over what appears to be a massive sheet of ice…
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
And in that sheet of ice… a pair of eyes.
And “Walk the Dinosaur” by Was Not Was.
And a nifty little voiceover.
Voice (v/o): Almost one year ago… I made the discovery of a lifetime.
The ice has now thawed to reveal a MASSIVE individual wearing what appears to be a one-sleeved wrestling singlet made of fur, along with amateur gear made from actual rocks over the ears and crude vines holding it together.
Graves: We all think professional wrestling’s origins started in the 19th and 20th century… but it’s not true. And I… world-renowned archaeologist and now full-time wrestling manager,, Doctor Selah Graves, have discovered… THE MISSING LINK OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! And I also go my manager’s license in the mail. Yay, me!
And now cut to the towering caveman, mowing down much smaller opposition in an empty ring in a training facility! A nameless individual gets THROWN across the ring with a massive biel by his hair! And then another gets run over with a shoulder block! And another pressed over his head!
Graves: His real name may have been lost to time. And as far as we can tell, he is the last of his kind… the wrestler of the past. But now, here in modern times.. He will be the first of a NEW KIND!
And then a quick montage of more nameless wrestling stars having their heads clobbered by the massive hands of the Caveman. Including one who slaps the monster in the face and tries to headlock him… only to get CLOBBERED right back to the Stone Age.
Graves: I will help him! He may not understand our ways! He may eat all of the food in our fridge! He may only want to wrestle and not do much else… but we will show him to the world! And when we do, a new star will be born! And his name…
The monster yells out.
“
And finally, the form of a small, brunette woman dressed in the old-timey appearance of an archaeologist, complete with glasses, a satchel, and her wrestling license on display in a placard.
Graves: JURASSIC JOE STONE! COMING SOON TO CLASSIC WRESTLING!
End.