• Info
    • We Are Classic
    • Classic Rules
  • Roleplays
  • Events
    • All Events
    • Classic Wrestling TV
    • PPVs
  • Roster
    • Wrestlers
    • Tag Teams
    • Champions
    • Staff
  • Login
  • Discord
  • Skip to main content
Classic Wrestling

Classic Wrestling

Mikey Unlikey's Fed of All Feds

Menu

A Champion We Can Trust

May 12, 2022 by mikey

We open on a shot of nondescript Midwestern farm land, wheat as far as the eye can see, a bright red barn on the horizon. A broad American flag waves proudly in the wind from the side of the structure.

A baritone authoritative voice narrates.

Our great country was founded on the ideals of individual liberty, hard work, and the American Dream…

The shot fades slowly to a construction site. We see hard-hatted red-blooded Americans diligently working, referencing stretched out blueprints on a table.

America is a place where anybody, regardless of their background, can rise to the top through their individual grit and determination…

The music takes a sullen turn, and the images on the screen succumb to bursts of static. 

But something is wrong…

We shift to an exasperated elderly couple sitting at a kitchen table, a pile of overdue bills scattered about. The shot quickly cuts to a long unemployment line, followed by quick shots of gas and food prices rising drastically. 

When there is poor leadership, we all suffer…

Black and white stills of Classic Wrestling champions come on the screen one by one.

VITO VALENTINO…
KING KONG FRANK…
THE AMAZING AMARETTOS…

These are not the champions you need. These are not the champions you deserve…

The music abruptly stops, replaced by a patriotic melody.

In trying times like these, Classic Wrestling deserves a champion we can believe in…

A champion that we can trust…

A series of shots fill the screen, showing the progression of a life: an Eagle Scout ceremony, sports trophies, a college graduation, a platoon leader in front of young Joes.A champion we need…

The screen fades slowly to an absolutely beaming smile. As the shot pans back, it reveals a classically handsome man in his early 30’s, sandy blonde hair perfectly coiffed. A pristine charcoal grey suit, pressed white shirt, red tie and, of course, a prominent and gleaming American flag lapel pin. He speaks with a slight Southern drawl, just rhotic enough to drop the r’s in that charming way.

My name is Cal Crawford… and I approve this message.

Copyright © 2023 Classic Wrestling