Welcome to IN YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE!
We open to the raucous crowd at the Gund Arena.
Moss: Welcome everyone to Classic Wrestling’s pay per event IN YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE! Live here at the Gund Arena, in Cleveland, Ohio! We’re back again folks for another great event.
The camera pans to the crowd. Signs in the air, people jumping up and down, and music playing.
Moss: I’m Patrick Moss and with me as always is “Thunderbird” Joel Howley!
Howley: Welcome folks for another great night, we’ve got so many great matches for you it should cost double!
Moss: That’s right Thunderbird, we’ve got every championship on the line tonight, and some number one contenderships as well. It’s the time to make a name for yourself here! Lets show em what’s on tap tonight!
Undercover Lover vs Shooter Landell
Holo Make vs Dewey Smarts
Surf Express Bro vs Rush Starling & Double Decker
#1 Contender PAC: Carlos Ruiz vs Gordy Lovett
Grudge Match: Dash Dackson vs Harry Chest
Tag Team Championships: The Foreign Legion vs BDSM (C)
Chain Match: King Kong Frank vs Lord Colossus
Premier American Championship: Freddy Kilgore vs Shujin Yama (C)
Real Worlds Championship: Vito Valentino vs Alex Bruder (C)
Moss: What a loaded show! I can’t wait to see every single one of those matches!
Howley: We’re not commentating through all these are we?
Moss: Why wouldn’t we?
Howley: I gotta call my agent!
Undercover Lover vs Shooter Landell
We move from the video package to ringside where we can see that Shooter Landell is being introduced and already in his corner. The official Spencer Fuller moves in to check his boots for weapons as the next theme song hits.
“Hello It’s Me” by Todd Rundgren begins to play over the arenas sound system. The crowd begins to boo as Undercover Lover comes in his pink robe and dances seductively down the aisle. He stops at one particular lady and gyrates his hips a bit. When she looks disgusted he waves her off and moves towards the ring.
Robbins: and his opponent, weighing in at 225 Lbs. Hailing from “The City of Love!” New Orleans, Louisiana! This is Unde….
The Undercover Lover stops him. After a quick whisper in the ear, Robbins gives it another go.
Robbins: This is…”Mr Hide Your Wives and Daughters”…. UNDERCOVER LOVER!
He comes out of his corner with his arms raised, but it’s boos he receives back from the crowd. Paying the fans in the Gund Arena no mind, Undercover Lover smiles and waves. The official checks him over and calls for the bell.
Moss: And we are underway folks here at IN YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE! Undercover Lover vs the mysterious Shooter Landell. What do you know about this guy Thunderbird?
Howley: He’s quiet, that’s for sure!
The bell rings and Shooter walks towards The Undercover Lover, challenging him to charge. Lover takes the bait and runs towards Landell who attempts a quick clothesline. Lover ducks under it and hits the ropes. When he comes back he jumps into the air and catches Shooter with a running crossbody that drives both men to the mat. Spencer Fuller moves in for the pin attempt.
Shooter Landell kicks out and is quickly back up to his feet.
Moss: Almost got him with the lightning quick pin there, but Landell to his credit, really showed up on time to kick out. Both men are up now, It looks like the Lover was slightly quicker, he picks him up for a body sla… no it’s a shoulder breaker!
Howley: My goodness, that’s gotta hurt, I bet he separated the rotator cuff on that one!
Undercover Lover pulls Landell back up to his feet and applies a hammerlock to him. The Lover then reels back and blasts a fist right into the heart of Shooter. Landell crumples to the mat lifeless with the blow. Lover jumps up in the air for a quick splash pin.
Moss: Uh oh! The Heart Stopper! He’s going for the pin again!
Spencer Fuller calls for the bell and The Undercover Lover jumps for joy.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen your winner… THE UNDERCOVER LOVER!
He gyrates in the center of the ring, causing the referee not even want to raise his arm in victory. Undercover Lover pays him no mind and starts pointing out to the ladies in the crowd, seeing which one wants to leave with him tonight. It doesn’t seem many are interested in his proposal.
Moss: Decisive win for The Undercover Lover! He’s putting his mark on Classic Wrestling with wins like that one!
Howley: I hear those marks come out with a little Oxi Clean.
The Todd Rundgren hit plays throughout the arena as the Undercover Lover dances his way to the back.
Holo Make vs Dewey Smarts
Robbins: Already in the ring is DEWEY SMARTS!
The instrumental version of “Aloha ‘Oe” by Neverland in Ashes starts to play and The Pale Rider himself, Holo Make, steps out onto the stage. He looks out at the crowd, eyes wide as if taking in the people around him. He stalks down to the ring, spooking some of the audience members who get too close. Otherwise, his eyes are focused on the ring with interest.
Robbins: And his opponent! Weighing in at 374 Pounds! The Pale Rider…. HOLO MAKE!
Once he reaches ringside, Holo Make climbs onto the steps, crawling onto the apron and entering the ring. He looks to the nearest camera and grabs it. He brings it to his face, shouting “I ka mōʻī wahine ʻo Lili’uokalani” into it before shoving it back. Holo begins to pace around the ring, waiting impatiently.
As the Bell rings Holo tilts his head towards the smaller Dewey Smarts. Dewy runs at Holo, and is able to duck under a massive clothesline from Holo.
Moss: The quickness of Dewy showing here.
Howley: It’s best to Avoid Holo Make….
Moss: Spoke too soon!
Dewy rebounds off the ropes and is met by a massive open palm slap to the center of his chest. Smarts crumbles to the mat in a heap. Holo looks down on the Canadian, and shakes his head. Holo gets to a corner and begs for Dewey to get to his feet. Slowly Smarts does. And as he turns around.
Moss: Aina I Ka Pono! Aina I Ka Pono!
Howley: I don’t know what you just said, but it’s all over but the singing now.
Holo gets to his feet and places one square on the chest of Dewey Smarts.
Robbins: YOUR WINNER VIA PINFALL…. HOLO MMMMAAAAAAAKKKKKKEEEEE!!
Moss: Make now is on an absolute tear here in Classic Wrestling. We’d better step up the competition on Holo, or he may never lose again!
Howley: I can’t wait to see him clash with some other big meaty men here in Classic!
Make makes his way out of the ring and to the back, leaving “Blue Canada” writhing on the mat.
Things That Go Bump In The Night
The camera pans through the halls where a young woman in a tan suit, hat and magnifying glass scans the inner halls of the Gund Arena. She keeps on turning her glass upon some of the multiple promotional posters for some of the different matches on the card.
Tag Team Championships: The Foreign Legion vs BDSM ©
Chain Match: King Kong Frank vs Lord Colossus
Premier American Championship: Freddy Kilgore vs Shujin Yama (C)
Real Worlds Championship: Vito Valentino vs Alex Bruder ©
Dr. Graves: Hello and welcome on this fantastic journey that we are about to take! I am Doctor Selah Graves, World-renowned Archaeologist, professional wrestling manager on the rise, and budding hobbyist/armchair occult and supernatural expert. Tonight, as we bring this massive Pay-Per-View showing called In Your Haunted House, myself and my colleague, “Jurassic” Joe Stone, are here to figure out the mystery that is burning on all of your minds…
She jabs a thumb at the title of the PPV on the poster of the Real Worlds Championship between Alex Bruder and Vito Valentino.
Dr. Graves: WHY is this Haunted House haunted? I have several theories and tonight, we’re going to go through each of them…
Words appear on the screen:
MONSTERS GOING BUMP IN THE NIGHT
Dr. Graves: While some view our planet as nothing more than an infinitesimal dot amongst a sea of shining stars… more on that theory later… to us here on the ground, the world is still an amazing place with mysteries yet to be discovered! New advances yet to be made! So even with science on our side, we cannot shut our eyes to the otherworldly, especially this time of year. Sounds could be nothing…
Random banging on pipes can be heard in the background.
Dr. Graves: … or they could be everything.
Louder banging is heard, so she cups an ear to the wall to investigate further.
Dr. Graves: There are tales of all sorts of monsters that aren’t without their kernel of truth. Bigfoot. Werewolves. Vampires. Many more. All of these things have been covered in mythology over the course of time and–WHAT WAS THAT?!?!
More banging can be heard.
Dr. Graves: There is CLEARLY something behind this wall! This does not sound like some spectre… this is no normal ghost…
The sound gets close and Dr. Graves back away.
Dr. Graves: Be prepared! Something is going bump in the night behind this wall!
The wall EXPLODES and out comes “Jurassic” Joe Stone, tumbling through the wall like a master of shocks! He starts to stumble back up to his feet.
Joe Stone: WALL! DIE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
He grabs his club and then bashes the wall down to nothing!
Joe Stone: I SHOW WALL! WALL GET CRUSHED BY JOE! AHHHHHH!
As he continues to bust the hole open wider, Dr. Graves comes up and grabs the arm of Joe.
Dr. Graves: NO, JOE, NO! THAT WALL COSTS AT LEAST ONE WINNER’S PURSE! SUN’S GETTING LOW! SUN’S GETTING LOW! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS, I JUST HEARD IT SOMEWHERE! CALM DOWN!
When Joe finally notices that Dr. Graves is taken aback by his behavior, he starts to put the club down and when he realizes that Dr. Graves is nearby, he finally starts to calm down.
Joe Stone: I sorry! Wall not turnbuckle! Therefore, wall go smash!
Dr. Graves: …It’s okay… I think we’re getting paid for these appearances? I hope? Research is expensive and so are arena repairs. Let’s go. We still have a mystery to explore.
Stone nods and then he starts to walk off with Dr. Graves…
Then comes back and bashes the wall one more time for good measure!
Joe Stone: …RRRAAAAHHH!
THEN Joe heads off with Dr. Graves to solve more mysteries.
Surf Express Bro vs Rush Starling & Double Decker
Robbins: The following tag team match is an exhibition, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
The familiar guitar licks and drum beats to “Nothin’ But a Good Time” by Poison hit your eardrums and from the back bounds Bowie Abrams and Bradlee Nelson in matching long tights and miles-wide smiles.
Robbins: Surfing their way in from Pocatella, Idaho, at a combined weight of 417 pounds, the team of Bowie Abrams and Bradlee Nelson…SURFER EXPRESS BRO!
They play to the studio audience, getting them into the show as they make their way to the ring. Once they’re between the ropes, they’ll flex and pose a bit for the laaaaadies as they await their opponents.
Robbins: And their opponents…
The opening roar of “Sirius” by the Alan Parsons Project begins to hum across the Classic Studio. The crowd begins to rise up on their feet cheering as a fog machine does its job pumping out a white smoke that fills the entrance area.
DUN DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUH
A white strobe begins to flicker through the thick fog as Rush Starling walks out to the roar of the fans in attendance. He doesn’t waste time and marches towards the ring slapping hands with fans and making sure to grab a fan sign of support to wave, rallying the crowd.
Robbins: Introducing first, weighing in at 240 pounds he hails from Allentown, Pennsylvania. This is Rush Starling!
Rush sprints up the steps, slips through the ropes, and immediately mounts the turnbuckle pumping up the crowd. He points to the fans closest by giving them warm smiles before he steps down and faces the referee to be checked for combat.
Robbins: And his tag team partner…
The fans in the Gund Arena know what’s coming, and every last one of them is here for it! They’re on their feet adding their own honks to the cacophony!
#Waiting for the Bus#
ZZ Top drowns out the honking as The Big Greyhound joyfully pulls out of the station and into the ringside area! He takes a lap around the ring, slapping hands with front-row fans before rolling under the bottom rope and into the ring!
Robbins: Pulling in at a whopping 400 pounds, he is the Big Greyhound…DOUBLE DECKER!
Once inside the ring and back up to his feet, Double Decker climbs the turnbuckle with the grace of a Light Heavyweight and makes the internationally accepted hand-signal for “honk” and the crowd is happy to acquiesce to his request!
And the Big Greyhound replies in kind!
Double Decker: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!
Decker hops down from the turnbuckle like the spry public transit vehicle that he is and turns to face his opponent. The referee makes a few last moment instructions and then steps out of the way, signaling for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Starling and Bowie start things off, trading holds until Starling takes Abrams down with a snapmare followed by a kick to the back! Starling looks to stay firmly in control with a chinlock, but Bowie is quick to escape as he gets to his feet, and we have ourselves a standoff to the delight of the crowd!
Moss: The fans in the Gund are thrilled after that display of athleticism!
Howley: True, but you gotta wonder how these fans are gonna feel when things start getting rough around the edges!
Starling and Bowie go to lock up, only for Bowie to send Starling to the ropes, connecting with a lovely dropkick on the rebound! The crowd is impressed with the maneuver as Starling gets back to his feet, quickly thinking of a new strategy as he shoots for a single-leg takedown–but Bowie dodges it, keeping Rush on the canvas as he leaps over for a tag to Bradlee!
Nelson comes in like a lightning bolt, but Starling catches him with a powerslam! The crowd shows some enthusiasm for the move, and Rush picks up on this as he motions toward the Big Greyhound, sending the crowd into an uproar as he offers a tag to the big man.
Moss: Oh boy, these fans are ready for some Double Decker action!
Howley: I told you things would get rough!
Starling makes the tag, and Double Decker is raring to go as Bradlee gets back to his feet, only to get dropped with a clothesline by the Big Greyhouse! Bradlee took that one hard as he slowly stands back up, rushing over to make a tag to Bowie. The two try to match up to the sheer size and strength of Double Decker using their agility, but not even a gazelle stands a chance if it runs in front of a Bus!
Decker shoves Bradlee clear into the ropes, and Nelson makes an escape as the big man turns his attention to Bowie–who catches him by surprise with a flurry of offense, culminating in a dropkick that forces Double Decker into the ropes! Bowie runs to the ropes, looking for a bit of momentum as he charges at the Big Greyhound–who pulls the top rope down, sending Bowie over and to the outside!
Moss: Bowie takes a tumble out to ringside courtesy of Double Decker!
Howley: That’s gotta be a disqualification, surely?
Moss: It’s not, and don’t call me–
Howley: Don’t you DARE start that, Moss!
The crowd shows their love for Double Decker as Surfer Express Bro get back to their feet, giving each other a quick wellness check before Bowie slides back into the ring. He looks for some sort of advantage against the much-bigger Decker, focusing on some quick strikes to the legs to keep the Big Greyhound grounded.
Decker takes a knee, offering Bowie the opening he needs as he hits the ropes–RUNNING RIGHT INTO A SHOULDER TACKLE! Decker goes for the cover, could this be it?
Bradlee runs in, breaking up the count with a kick to Decker!
Moss: Nelson with the save to keep his team in this one!
Howley: These two need to really rethink their strategy if they’re gonna take this win!
Things quickly turn into chaos as Starling rushes into the ring, with he and Nelson brawling back and forth! The ref is trying hard as he can to maintain control as Decker brings Bowie back to his feet, hoisting him up on his shoulders! NO! Bradlee sends Starling right into the Big Greyhound with an Irish whip, forcing the big man to drop Bowie to the canvas instead!
Decker turns his attention to what’s happened behind him, as Bradlee rolls out of the ring. Looking confused, he has a heart to heart with his tag partner as Starling explains the minor incident that took place. With a nod of understanding, Decker looks back to a returning Bowie as Starling heads back to the apron. Decker makes the tag to Starling, who gets an opening with some quick strikes on Bowie–who lands a dropkick on Starling! He’s got his eye on the turnbuckle as he climbs up!
A lot of impact on that frog splash! Bowie makes the cover!
Decker tries to hop in, but gets cut off by a dropkick from Nelson before he can break the pinfall up!
DING DING DING!
Robbins: Here are your winners, Bowie Abrams and Bradlee Nelson…SURFER EXPRESS BRO!
We cut backstage to sight of “Beautiful” Bobby Dean, front and center, with his partner Lunchbox Larry lurking in the background, as usual. Before Bob lifts the mic to his mouth, you can just barely hear him voice the words, “Watch ‘n’ learn.”
The snide smirk gives way to that cherubic expression we all have grown to know and love… or hate. Then he steps forward, looking straight into the camera.
Dean: HELLOOOOOOO, CLEEEEEEEVELAAAAAAAAAND!
As he waits for the cheap pop to come and go, over Bobby’s shoulder, you see Larry’s eyes pop out as his jaw hits the floor.
Dean: I don’t know about any of you BEAUTIFUL fans out there tonight, but I couldn’t be more excited about the CLASSIC Tag Team Championship match TONIGHT!
He pauses once more, sure the fans are going wild again and once more giving them time to settle.
Dean: The ONE thing I’m not so excited for, though?
Fake frown follows.
Dean: There’s rumors running around that after this SPECTACULAR show, we might be going on the road.
Still puffing out his bottom lip, the Beautiful Man from Honalee slowly nods his head, giving the crowd time to boo the thought of Classic going elsewhere.
Dean: If I were running this place? We’d stay in this SENSATIONAL city… FOREVER!
The cheap pop returns, stronger than the first.
Dean: … But I’m not.
Fake frown returns, stronger than the first.
Larry, still in awe… or something like that, starts slowly shaking his head as Bobby quickly raises his right hand, pointer finger aimed at the ceiling.
Dean: BUT! I can promise you all BEE-DEE-ESS-EM addicts ONE thing! If tonight is the last night we see you in some time… BOBBY DEAN, and Some Man, WILL make sure YOU! NEVER! FORGET IT!
Bobby takes the moment, while the crowd settles back down from yet another pop, to look over his shoulder at Lunchbox and smile that cherubic smile. He quickly nods his head at Larry before returning focus to the fans.
Dean: After TONIGHT, you BEST believe that those Foreign Legion LOSERS are gonna want to go back to wherever the heck they came from! And THAT, my FANTASTIC FANS, is a Bobby Dean GUARANTEE!
One more pause for the dust in the stands to settle.
Dean: OH, and one last thing…
Bobby raises a closed fist emphatically.
Dean: CLEVELAND ROCKS!
He drops the mic, as the fans go wild, and leaves the picture with both hands raised in triumph. Lunchbox stumbles to bend over and pic the mic back up. He gets a firm grip on it, then stands up a little sheepishly, and raises his own clenched fist.
There was a pop, but not quite as strong as Bob’s last one. As Lunchbox scurries off screen after his partner, you can hear Bobby mutter, “You ruined it.”
#1 Contender PAC: Carlos Ruiz vs Gordy Lovett
The Gypsy Kings’ “Bamboleo” plays and the fans begin cheering like crazy as they all know who is about to make his way out from behind the curtain!
Moss: Listen to this crowd! They love this guy!
Howley:Yeah yeah yeah. Let’s see how well he does against an angry Texan.
Carlos comes running through the curtains, blasting them open and jumps to the center of the stage. Looking out at all of the fans in attendance, Carlos claps and raises his arm as if to say “Yeah!!!”. Sprinting the rest of the way down to the ring, Carlos slides into the ring then forward flips to his feet with great agility!
Robbins: Coming to the ring first! From Madrid, Spain, weighing in at 212 lbs…. The Spanish Luchador… CARLOOOOOOOS RUIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!
The fans cheer loudly for Carlos but their cheering turns grim when the music changes over to “Country Boy Can Survive” by Hank Williams Jr. Soon Doris comes through the curtain but Gordy Lovett comes rumbling down one set of stairs in the fans section. He makes his way with his rope barking at people as he comes.
Robbins: And his opponent… From Cut and Shoot, Texas, Weighing in at 262 Lbs…Cow Puncher….GORDYYYYY LOVEEEETTTTTT
The fans boo loudly as he makes his way into the ring.
DING DING DING
Ruiz and Lovett both circle each other for a few moments before Lovett runs and levels the smaller man to the mat with a huge shoulder tackle. Ruiz hops to his feet quickly, but is met with another shoulder for his troubles. Slower this time to get up, Lovett helps Ruiz up to his feet and throws him into the ropes, as Ruiz bounces back towards Lovett he leaps over the bent over Texan. Ruiz rebounds again and is met with a huge spinebuster. Lovett transitions to a mounted position and begins to lay heavy fists towards Ruiz. He tries to block them but the size of Lovett allows a few to sneak past. The ref tries to pull Lovett off of Ruiz, and is successful. Lovett gets in the face of the referee as Ruiz shakes the cobwebs out and climbs to his feet using the ropes. Lovett stops arguing with the ref and sees Ruiz on his feet. Lovett charges at Ruiz, who ducks down, pulling the top rope down. Sending Lovett crashing out to the floor. Ruiz amps himself and crowd up, as he slowly ascends to the top rope. Ruiz leaps off and crashes an elbow to the shoulder of Lovett. Both men crash down to the floor.
Howley: That’s one way to help your cause.
Moss: It was a smart…
Howley: It’s cheating! What else could we expect from a…
Moss: Don’t finish that statement!
Ruiz tries to pull Lovett up from the ground. As Ruiz tries to roll him into the ring, Lovett buries a back elbow to the stomach of Ruiz. The ref begins his count. 1! Lovett then shoves Ruiz shoulder first into the ring post. Sending Ruiz spinning to the floor. Lovett rotates his shoulder, trying to work it back. 2! Lovett stalks the crawling Ruiz and kicks him square in the stomach. Ruiz yelps out in pain. Lovett toys with Ruiz with a few slaps on the back of the head. 3! Ruiz tries to fight back and gets a few shots in. 4! Lovett shakes most of the off, and picks Ruiz up. 5! Lovett rolls Ruiz into the ring. Ruiz slowly gets his wits about himself and uses a foot to keep Lovett out of the ring. 6!
Howley: I knew that Carlos couldn’t win without dirty tactics!
Lovett grabs one of Ruiz’s legs and tries to drag him back out of the ring. 7! Eventually Ruiz gets his leg free and Lovett rolls into the ring. Ruiz drops an elbow to the back of Lovett’s back. Then drags Lovett to the middle of the ring, and grabs the bigger man in a sleeper hold. The ref checks on Lovett but there is still fight in the Texan. Slowly Ruiz wears him down. The ref raises Lovett’s arm once. Then twice, and on the third attempt Lovett keeps it from falling. Lovett slowly gets to a base and grabs Ruiz by the waist. Lifting him up and slamming Ruiz to the mat with a side suplex. Both men are on the mat. As the ref begins to count.
Neither man is moving.
Lovett starts moving first.
Now Ruiz is moving.
Both men use the ropes to get to their feet. As the ref stops the count. Ruiz catches his breath before Lovett whips him into a corner. Lovett follows behind him, but Ruiz leaps to the middle turnbuckle and leaps off. Twisting in the air towards Lovett.
Moss: Ruiz flying again…
Howley: Lovett using his last bit of energy to finish this one off.
Lovett grabs him from mid air. Ruiz is kicking his feet on the shoulder of Lovett as Ruiz is rammed back first into the corner. As Lovett begins to spin to complete the slam, Ruiz shimmys down Lovett’s back. Lovett turns around.
Moss: SPANISH EYES!
Howley: That’s quicker than a hiccup!
Moss: Lovett is on dream street!
Ruiz falls on top of Lovett, unable to hook a leg.
Robbins: YOUR WINNER AND NUMBER ONE CONTENDER TO THE PREMIER AMERICAN TITLE…CARLOOOOOOOS RUIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!
Ruiz jumps up and celebrates as much as he’s physically able. He motions that the championship will be around his waist soon. The crowd gets loud in response.
Grudge Match: Dash Dackson vs Harry Chest
Moss: Up next folks we have a good ole grudge match on our hands!
Howley: I’m still dumbfounded that Dash Dackson actually had the fortitude to use that animatronic hand..
Moss: Fortitude might be a strong word, Joel. If anything, a lot of people have been calling it a cowardly act. Especially the man he’s facing tonight, Harry Chest.
Howley: I’m sure he is. Harry Chest is so blinded by his sense of good that he forgets that sometimes it’s all about finding a way to win.
Moss: Most people wouldn’t agree with such a “hot take”, but that’s the beauty of opinions, of course. Folks, let’s head down to Harold!
The fans in the Gund Arena all buzz with anticipation as the pre-match bell rings. Harold Robbins is on the stick right after.
Robbins: The following contest is scheduled for one fall!
Freddy Mercury’s unmistakable vocal chords hit Cleveland right in the feels.
Savior of the Universe!
He’ll save every one of us!
Despite cheering the popular theme song, the arena quickly fills with boos as Dash Dackson begins making his way out to the ring with HELLO WORLD at his side, running along its continuous track.
Robbins: Making his way to the ring first, from The Future… weighing in at 210lbs… he is The Future Fighter… DASH… DACKSON!
They both stop and take a moment to look around at the spookiness of the In Your Haunted House decorations and general setup.
Moss: Is it me or does Dash Dackson look a little bit… unhinged tonight? And for that matter, does HELLO WORLD seem inexplicably creepier?
Howley: You’re not wrong about either. HELLO WORLD almost seems like an emotionless husk. Like, a metal version of Michael Myers.
Moss: Oh God.
Dash and HELLO WORLD make their way down to the ringside area. Dash hops up onto the apron while HELLO WORLD’s propulsion system maintains a forward route. It’s at this moment when the opening chords to Bon Jovi’s “Let it Rock” pulsates throughout the crowd, sending them into a frenzy!
Moss: Would you listen to that! This crowd is going bananas!
Howley: Geez, my ears!
Robbins: Making his way to the ring next, from Swan River, Manitoba… weighing in at 245lbs… he is The Every Dad… HARRY… CHEST!
Several moments go by and we’re about a minute into the Bon Jovi classic when Harry Chest bursts through the door coming from the backstage area. The fans are all singing along in unison, much to the delight of Classic’s Every Dad!
Leeeeeeeeet it rock (let it rock) leeeeeeeeet it go (let it go)
You can’t stop a fire burning out of control!
Leeeeeeeeet it rock (let it rock) leeeeeeeeet it go (let it go)
With the night you’re on the loose
You got to let it rock!
Howley: Okay, despite my feelings about the annoying “Every Dad”, this is one of my favorite songs ever. I cannot tell a lie.
Moss: Well, that’s the first one you’ve admitted to, anyway!
Moss: Progress, my friend. Progress!
With Harry Chest nearly to the ring, HELLO WORLD is making its way over to him, stopping Classic Wrestling’s Every Dad right in his tracks (no pun intended)! Pointing at the robot for trying to distract him already, this allows Dash Dackson to sneak behind and nail him with an axe handle smash!
Moss: Oh come on!
Howley: Hello World already paying dividends before the bell even rings!
With Harry trying to recover from the stiff attack, Dash guides him to his feet and whips him right into the guard rail! Proud of his newfound viciousness, Dash waves at the fans to a chorus of boos.
Grabbing his arm, Dash whips Harry towards the post, but Harry uses it for redirection by swinging around it, swinging around under the bottom rope! With momentum on his side, Harry flies forward with a clothesline, taking Dash Dackson down on the outside mat!
Moss: Wow! What athleticism to swing around that post and under the ropes! I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before!
Howley: Me neither, Moss. Credit where credit’s due.
Harry brings Dash to his feet and rolls him inside the ring. Following him in, referee Felipe calls for the bell!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Dash is up to his feet and goes for a right closed-fist, but Harry blocks it and fires back with an overhand knuckle shot! Dash reels back from the counter, and Harry leans in with a second knuckle shot! Dash is backed up into the ropes, and Harry leans in and grabs him by the arm and shoulder. Whipping him into the opposite side, Dash is scooped up on the rebound for a bodyslam and is brought down with thunderous force.
Moss: Holy bodyslams, Batman!
Howley: That one echoed into the future so hard it renamed this place the Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse!
Moss: What a stupid name for an arena.
Dash is trying to get up, but Harry climbs to the second rope nearest the ramp and flies with his elbow outstretched for a mid-rope elbow drop. Harry hooks a leg and is there!
Dash kicks out!
Moss: He got more of that than I thought. Close count, there!
Harry lifts Dash into a sitting position where he stands over him. Jumping up, he crashes straight down across the upper back/lower neck region with his inner thigh. Flattening him back down to the mat, Harry makes another cover, this one of the lateral variety.
Dash kicks out again!
Howley: Harry showing some aggression in the early going of this.
Moss: You’d be aggressive too if your opponent tried to take you out before the match.
Howley: If my opponent tried to take me out before the match, I’d let him. I’m preferable to G.D. Ritzy’s.
Moss: You’re incorrigible.
Harry goes to bring Dash up once again, but is distracted by HELLO WORLD on the outside, shouting random words in his direction.
“FORK. STRAW. BATTERIES. ATARI. JAIL. CLAMS. FIRE. DOLLAR. PLASTIC. PRETZEL. MOONLIGHT. POTATOES. BRIDGE. CLOCK. DIARRHEA.”
Having absolutely no idea what HELLO WORLD is talking about, Harry looks at Chicona, who in turn shrugs back at him. This is just enough time for Dash to hit Harry with another axe-handle smash. Harry goes face first into the top turnbuckle, and Dash rolls him up!
Moss: LOOK! His feet are on the ropes!
Howley: I don’t see anything.
Thr– NO!!! Harry manages to kick-out despite Felipe not seeing Dash’s feet on the ropes!
Chicona finally notices the feet on the ropes and begins admonishing Dash Dackson for the attempt. In a moment of complete irony, Harry Chest uses this momentary distraction to his advantage and rolls up Dash!
Moss: NO! He kicked out!!
Howley: He did!!
Chicona is waving off the count, realizing his hand came down for the third erroneously, unable to stop the momentum with how close it was. Confused, Harry Chest is double checking with Chicona about the count, holding up three fingers. Chicona shakes his head and advises it was only two, much to the chagrin of the capacity crowd.
Moss: It is what it is, folks. Sometimes even the most skilled referees in professional wrestling make mistakes. Sometimes, if it’s so darn close, you can’t stop the momentum of your hand!
Howley: I believe that is precisely what she said.
Moss: I don’t get it.
Howley: Nevermind. 411 it.
Turning around, Harry catches Dash right in the middle of another axe-handle smash attempt, but ducks and grabs his waist for a go-behind position. Lifting him up for a German-styled suplex, Dash hooks a leg around Harry’s leg thus blocking the attempt. Dash throws an elbow, catching Harry right above the left eye, causing him to reel back and even drop to a knee!
Moss: If Dash had connected with that strange looking suplex, this one would’ve been over.
Howley: Holy smokes! Harry’s lacerated right above the eye! The point of Dash’s elbow may as well have been a fork!
The fans gasp as Harry wipes some of his crimson DNA away to clear his vision, but like a shark smelling chum in the water, Dash Dackson dropkicks him right across the face, sending Harry down onto his buttocks against the bottom turnbuckle. Dash hobbles on his leg for a moment, drawing concern from .
Moss: Harry is in a bad way here, but I think Dash is hurt after landing that dropkick. WAIT! WHAT IS HELLO WORLD DOING?!
Sure enough, Dash’s robot companion/nightmarish-soul-sucking puppeteer is CHOKING Harry Chest behind the Chicota’s back with his creepy, elongated, robot hands and fingers!
Crowley: HELLO WORLD is proving to be the difference maker tonight.
Moss: Oh look, it’s a miracle. Dash is just fine.
Dash drags the bleeding Harry Chest to the center, who looks to be nearly out of it. Lifting the Every Dad up into a front chancery, Dash Dackson raises his hand, smacks the back of Harry’s upper back and annihilates him with a DDT!
Moss: There it is. I’ve been told Dash Dackson calls that the DDT – Dash Dackson Terminator.
Crowley: Goodnight, Irene!
Chicota calls for the bell as the fans in attendance boo. Medical personnel immediately swarm the ring, tending to the laceration above Harry Chest’s eye.
Moss: Dash Dackson gets away with one here after a hard fought match from both competitors. Though, I will say, Harry Chest might’ve had more of a shot without HELLO WORLD interfering on more than a few occasions.
Crowley: Excuses, excuses Moss.
Dash is out of the ring, making his way to the back with HELLO WORLD. Meanwhile, in the ring, Harry Chest is getting to his feet with a Doctor working on his busted eyebrow with some salve and bandages, but Harry Chest pushes away everyone. Frustrated over the loss, Harry Chest looks down at Dash Dackson as everyone chants, “HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!”.
Moss: Something tells me this one’s not over, Joel.
Tag Team Championships: The Foreign Legion vs BDSM (C)
Moss: We’re back and ready to return to action… IN YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE!
Howley: Knowing who we’ve got coming up next, I’m sure this match will feature some tricks, and hopefully it’ll end with a treat! Like, oh I don’t know, legitimate champions?
Moss: Ouch, Thunderbird. Very ouch!
“New World Symphony, 4th Movement” by Antonin Dvorak begins to play. Through the curtain comes the imposing duo of Mushigahara and Leon Van Zandt.
Robbins: The following match is one fall, and for the Classic Tag Team Championship… Making their way to the ring, accompanied by Eddie Dantie… weighing in at a combined 532 pounds… the challengers; FOREIGN LEGION!
Eddie Dante steps out from the curtain behind his talent, sporting a sinister smile across his face as he soaks in the boos from the crowd. In true Foreign Legion fashion, Mushigihara and Leon break into a sprint down the ramp, sliding into the ring and begin taunting the crowd to an increased level of booing.
Moss: Doesn’t sound like the crowd reflects your sentiment there, Thunderbird!
Howley: There’s a fine line between love and hate, Moss. Just wait until these guys finally expose BDSM for the frauds they are. The fans will come around!
“You’re the Best” by Joe Esposito fills the Gund arena, bringing everyone in the Cleveland crowd to their feet. First to step out is, as expected, “Beautiful” Bobby Dean in all his glory, smiling from ear to ear in his baby blue robe with both of the title belts wrapped around his large waist. He stands at the top of the ramp, arms raised high while slowly rotating 360 degrees for all to soak in the moment. Meanwhile, Lunchbox Larry quietly makes his way from behind the curtain as well, waving timidly back and forth between both sides of the building with one hand, lunchbox in the other.
Robbins: And their opponents… weighing a combined 646 and a half pounds… the reigning Classic Tag Team Champions… BEE-DEE-ESS-EMMMMMM!!!
The crowd gives an extra pop at the announcement of their Tag champs as the odd couple makes their way to the ring and Joe Howley’s gray hair count increases.
Howley: I don’t understand what this generation of fans can possibly see in these two.
Bobby stops just before the ring and waits impatiently, looking at Larry and pointing to his wrist. Lunchbox begrudgingly approaches his partner, then drops to a knee and holds both hands together, palms up. Dean steps on the hands, using them as a step up, and rolls into the ring somehow managing to fit under the bottom rope… after Larry quickly popped up to his feet and lifted it to the height of the middle rope.
Howley: If they’re going for horror movie vibes, they nailed it. I can’t even watch this, Moss.
Moss: I… uh… it’s… something?
Larry slides into the ring after Bob and jumps onto the nearest turnbuckle, raising his lunchbox in the air to get another pop from the crowd. Bobby reluctantly removes the two Tag Titles from his person and hands them over to Felipe Chicoda, then he spins around in the middle of the ring slowly, and removes his robe with a cheeky smile.
Moss: Oh my! Is that?
Howley: Disqualify him already! This can’t be legal.
The robeless Dean reveals his recently acquired ‘I Dream of Genie’ two piece. After taking care of the belts, Chicoda turns around and looks aghast at the sight. He starts shaking his head, pointing at Dean, and anyone who can read lips can see him telling Bobby, “Take that top off! No costumes!”
Howley: Thank god for Felipe!
Dean, red faced in anger, points over to Mushigihara and asks, “What about that?!”
Moss: Looks like Bobby Dean is trying to get Filipe to consider making Mushigihara remove his ring attire. An interesting tactic before the bell even rings. Maybe he’s trying to get in Mushi’s head?
Chicoda waves Bobby off, as the wrestler takes off the top piece of his outfit while pouting, and directs him back to his corner. Larry gets ready to take the lead in the match, as usual, but Bobby shakes his head and tells his partner to step out onto the apron.
Howley: What in the world? Bobby wants to wrestle?!
Dean turns around, staring at Mushigihara and Leon Van Zandt, egging them both on. Leon steps forward, looking fed up with Dean’s shenanigans, but Mushigihara grabs his shoulder. Leon snaps around, clearly confused. Mushi mouths “OSU” in a determined tone, and LVZ nods his head then steps out onto the apon.
Felipe finally calls for the bell.
Moss: Mushigihara looking to use his frustration to his benefit against Bobby Dean early on here as he charges forward toward the defending champ!
Just as Mushi meets Dean in the middle of the ring, he rears his right hand back for a haymaker-
Howley: Sock it to him!
Bobby, waving his hands frantically, causes Mushi to pause. Even those in the back seats can hear Dean plead, “Not the face!”
Moss: Maybe he didn’t want to wrestle, after all, T-bird?
Howley: This is a disgrace.
Mushigihara shrugs then looks back to his tag partner, who’s arms are in the air in disbelief that Mushi stopped at his opponent’s request. Then a smirk grows out of the corner of Mushi’s face, he shoots LVZ a confident wink, and in one swift motion he turns back toward Bobby and delivers that haymaker right into his gigantic gut.
Moss: What in the?
Howley: Did Bobby Dean just puke poop out of his mouth onto Mushigihara’s face?!?
Moss: I’m pretty sure that was chocolate mist, Thunderbird! But I guess you never know with Bobby Dean!
Mushigihara doubles over, grabbing his face trying to get the brown substance out of his eyes. Eddie Dante shouts at Felipe demanding a disqualification, but Chicoda shrugs, uncharacteristically unsure of how to rule the action.
Howley: How in the world is that NOT illegal, Moss?!
Moss: I guess you could argue that Bob was just finishing a pre-match Halloween treat? It’s not like he spat it out intentionally…
Bobby grabs the back of Mushi’s head as his opponent still struggles to see, and runs his pointer finger of his free hand up Mushi’s cheek.
Moss: Looks like that might be the case as Bob is clearly more concerned about getting some of his tasty treat back.
Just as Dean licks his chocolate covered finger, Mushigihara hooks his right leg and lifts, sending the big man crashing to the mat on his back. The Emperor snaps around and dives toward his team’s corner, slapping an outreached hand of Leon Van Zandt.
Moss: Now that’s pro level ring awareness right there, Thunderbird, as Mushigihara takes his opportunity to get out of the action.
Eddie Dante grabs a towel from ringside and throws it to Mushi, who promptly wipes his face clean, while LVZ charges into the ring and grabs the foot of an army crawling Bobby Dean who’s trying to make it close enough to his corner to tag in Lunchbox. Just as Leon grabs a baby blue boot, he jumps back startled.
Moss: I think… I think Bobby just hissed at Leon Van Zandt and it caught The Professional off guard!
Howley: Gee, I can’t imagine why. Hissing like an evil cat is such a common counter in wrestling these days…
Moss: Dean makes the tag! Lunchbox Larry is officially getting into the action!
Howley: Yay, we’ll get to call some actual wrestling now!
Bobby rolls out of the ring, looking exhausted despite the lack of any real action, and Eddie Dante greets him ringside, shouting incessantly at the “cheating scum.”
Moss: Lunchbox and Leon are exchanging blows!
After trading a number of hard right hands, LVZ ducks under Larry’s next one and delivers a strong foot stomp down onto one of Lunchbox’s boots.
Moss: Great display of anticipation and quickness there by Leon Van Zant. Larry’s doubled over after that footstomp! OH WHAT AN UPPERCUT! Larry’s reeling back from that one, T-bird!
Howley: The young’n is clearly outmatched here, Moss.
LVZ reaches forward, grabbing Larry, and whips his opponent back into the Foreign Legion’s corner. Leon charges in a full sprint and leaps-
Moss: HUGE CORNER CLOTHESLINE!
Howley: And there’s the tag to Mushigihara! He’s gotta be looking for revenge now that he can see again!
LVZ pulls Larry from the turnbuckles and hooks his arms behind his back, allowing Mushi to land a barrage of rights and lefts to his midsection. Mushigahara turns Larry around, and slams him down almost on his neck.
Moss: My goodness! The Emperor Suplex!
Bobby Dean steps halfway through the ropes and sees LVZ waiting on him. He hesitates at Mushigahara goes for the cover.
The bell rings and Harold Robbins comes in on queue.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winners by pinfall and NEWWWWWW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS…..MUSHIGAHARA….LEON VAN ZANDT…. THE FOREIGN LEGION!
Howley: Wow! We’ve got new Tag Team Champions!
Moss: Bobby Dean had a chance to try to break up the pin, but he hesitated!
Howley: He had a world class shooter staring him down!
Moss: I thought he cared more about the Titles than that!
As The Foreign Legion gets out of the ring with the Championships, Bobby Dean gets in to help Larry up. Lunchbox is holding his head and confused about what happened. Bobby Deans telling Larry he got socked and so he didn’t see it either. Using his hands to signal what happened. Putting on quite a show in the process.
Outside the ring Eddie Dante comes over to his men with a smile on his face. He holds his arms out ready to embrace, LVZ and Mushi stare at one another before going in for it. Dante grabs the belts from both men and embraces them instead. He holds the championships high into the air before turning and walking away from The Foreign Legion members.
Moss: Eddie Dante is thrilled!
Howley: Of course he is, HE DID IT!
Moss: He did?
Chain Match: King Kong Frank vs Lord Colossus
Darkness consumes the Gund Arena.
Uncomfortable echoes of silence bring audible coughs and the light of screens pointed towards the entrance.
Instead of the raucous overroar of “Ace of Spades”. The house lights begin to strobe in a non-linear and non-repeating pattern.
In the bastion of the astral abyss of silence, Lord Colossus steps out. Wearing a full length black cloak over his apocalyptic frame. His measured steps towards the ring bathed in ergodic epileptic light flashes, as cross-light is provided from flashes of cameras.
Stopping before the ring he drops the cloak to the floor. An endlessly scurrying ring attendant grabs the midnight black and twice his size garment.
Lord Colossus has around his neck a leather collar, on his hands fingerless leather gloves, and leather arm straps tied tightly with leather bands. In one hand he has a chain tightly held. As he grabs the top rope FROM THE FLOOR, the lights go glacial blue and white, as in two steps he is on the apron, over the top rope and standing in the ring, he moves to the middle of the ring and raises his chained fist to the sky.
As he does this a harsh blast of hideous feedback from Pulse Demon by Merzbow, as the lights drop back out…
After a moment of darkness the house lights flicker in the Gund Arena before buzzing themselves back into a more substantial existence. The air inside of the building is thick with lingering flash-blindness and a heightened sense of unease.
Something violent is about to get underway.
The fans are falling all over one another trying to be the first to their feet to roar approval at the Smoky Mountain Mastodon as he steps out into the entryway with a purpose and a length of galvanized steel chain. King Kong Frank, having likely spent the last several moments either slamming ‘shine or whipping himself up into a frenzy, sends the chain flying into a whirling calamity of spinning iron and raw Appalachian fury that has everyone within a twelve-foot radius more than a little nervous.
Howley: The hills are alive, Ross, but the sound of music ain’t what you’re hearing! You pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down over here?
Ross: I mean… but… Sure, whatever. It’s fine. We’re… fine.
That wasn’t awkward, probably.
Howley: Are we having a moment?
Frank stomps down to the ring, eschewing his usual antics in favor of a death march toward Lord Colossus and everything that is about to go down. He savors the moment, cackling away like a maniac as he grabs the top rope and steps up onto the apron in one practiced, easy step.
Howley: Aw, here we go again with that nonsense!
Frank launches the chain at Lord Colossus, barely missing, then clears the top rope one leg at a time entering the ring. Much like last time they met, these behemoths can’t help but clash head-on, each man lobbing weapons-grade artillery at the other that would topple lesser opponents immediately if not sooner.
Moss: Frank is a man possessed!
Howley: With what, Ghost of Moonshine Past?
Howley: Not unless somebody PAYS ME~!
After a heated and extended exchange, Frank rares back and unleashes the straightest, most brutal headbutt that’s ever been thrown! The sound barrier is effortlessly snapped at the moment of impact and time slows to a dead standstill.
Howley: Didja hear that, Moss? Frank just cracked that mask!
The megalithic Lord Colossus staggers back before going down to a knee. Frank grins and retracts his chain and attacks Colossus with it, wrapping it around his fist and landing several more big shots to the wobbling giant. In a scary moment of lucidity Frank clips a heavy duty carbiner to the buckle of the Colossal Lord’s oversized leather collar.
KKF: HUSS! HUSS!! HOO-AHHHH!!!
Howley: That ain’t no “quick-release” job right there, Moss! You can better believe that’s some space-age military-grade tech right there that Frank’s got welded on the ends of that chain!
Frank wraps the other end of the chain around his own neck and clamps a carabiner onto place, snuggly attaching the two battlers together for the duration of the contest.
Moss: Referee Chip Newman makes it official, calling for the bell now that both men are properly accounted for and attached by the titular chain!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Howley: Wish you weren’t so awkward, bud…
Lord Colossus is clearly cold, his bulk the only think keeping him anything resembling upright. Frank takes a step back and before giving birth to the sloppiest looking knee strike ever delivered, absolutely tattooing Colossus square in the face.
A chunk of thick white plastic flies errantly into the crowd, a closeup on Lord Colossus focuses on the mange of porous blond curls tufting out from behind the mask in a comical poof. Let’s call it a good thing that LC can’t see himself, there isn’t enough foulness in the cosmos that could fill that rage-ball should it ever be lit…
Moss: WOW! What a shot by King Kong Frank!
Howley: Yer tellin’ me?! King Kong Frank just gave Lord Colossus the most brutal King Kong Knee that I’ve ever seen a man take!
Frank dives on for a cover, Chip Newman dives into position…
Lord Colossus ain’t about that life, kicking out so emphatically that had Frank not been chained to him, he might have w////////////////ent up and over the top ropes and landed out in the bleachers somewhere. Colossus bellows as he makes his way up to his feet and plods toward Frank before the Hillbilly Hearthrob can make up any ground.
Moss: I’d say Lord Colossus is about to come unhinged.
Howley: About to? Have you ever seen our TV show?
Moss: [flat] It’s not syndicated where I live.
Howley: Move out of the sticks, man!
Colossus grabs Frank bodily and yanks him up and over but the Appalachian Nightmare struggles, giving even the massive master of the void fits and causing him to have to readjust and call an audible. Frank squirms around mostly upside down until with one more mighty heave Colossus gets him up about three stories high before dropping him down high on the back of his neck!
The air goes completely out of the room.
Moss: Oh my.
Howley: That was the worst Volt Thrower I’ve ever seen!
King Kong Frank lies crumpled into a mountain of rubble and Lord Colossus bellows an approving growl at his own craftiness and efficiency. With a heavy boot he forces Frank over onto his back where he keeps the boot planted and his weight on the fallen hillbilly.
Pfft, have you met Frank? He rolls a shoulder with a little bit of his own surliness and power. The gathered masses lose their minds, as is their way. Frank comes alive and gator-rolls out of the grasp of the apocalpyse in front of him.
Moss: That was a tense couple of seconds T-bird! I thought the worst there for a minute!
Howley: Nah, not this guy! You gotta put him unconscious or drop a zord on top of him to keep him down. The guy’s not wired just exactly the the right way, know what I mean?
Frank is up, wear and tear be damned, and the two go toe to toe in a chain-jangling massacre, the crowd is engaged and the gladiators in the ring are up to the job of entertaining them! Hands clap, feet stomp, and the fire of battle is blazing!
Moss: What’s it gonna take to put one of these two down, Thunderbird?
Howley: Nuclear winter?
The lights flicker.
Howley: WHAT THE HECK!
Moss: Who turned out the lights?
#The Ace of Spades#
And the Lord said, “let there be light.”
Howley: It’s WALT WHEZL?!
Moss: What’s he doing here? And who, or what, is that?
Flanking the worm-tongued Whezl are too equally extra-smedium lackey-looking types, both cosplaying Lord Colossus in the twinkiest way imaginable. Inside the ring, chaos resumes.
And the lights drop again, this time for less than a split-second before flashing back, blinding everyone simultaneously for the same split second. Whezl is now ringside, his two hench-men restrain Frank inside the ring as he finds out at the same time as everyone else that he’s facing the business end of a three-on-one streetfight!
Howley: What’s going on here?
But Frank isn’t one to be restrained, he rages against his captors and sends them both back but their grip on him remains as Colossus bellows and leaps into motion. At the last possible moment, Frank ducks himself and sends Lord Colossus backside over teakettle! He takes a hard tumble off of the ring apron and barely manages to keep his feet under him as he crashed back first into the barricade.
The commotion was all it took for Kong Kong Frank to redirect his fury toward the two sinewey, leather-clad grapplers at hand. With one mighty hand he lift-throws one of them across the ring into the corner turnbuckles. Reversing momentum he decapitates the other with a Lariat straight from back home on the mountain that uneasily and uncomfortably sent him toppling over and down onto his apparent lord and master, Lord Colossus.
Moss: What do you make of all this, Thunderbird?
Howley: I dunno, Moss, something squirrelly is going on if ya ask me, but I can’t quite put my thumb on it!
Frank marches over and grabs the other leather-clad agent of the void and picks him up just as easily as Colossus had lifted him earlier. The difference, though, was that there was no struggle and Frank got a head of steam by running across the ring launching him back-first over into the same gaping maw of nightmare material as his partner just met.
Enraged, Colossus sends his clone minions flying as he explodes himself back onto the field of battle. He steps right into another mind-altering headbutt from the Smoky Mountain Mastadon and another. The crowd rumbles and Frank throws another. And another. He grabs Colossus by the head and pulls him into a standing head-scissor.
KKF: HAH! HAH! HAH! YOU GON’ LEARN TODAY!
Frank stomps around like a madman, stamping his bare feet back and forth!
Moss: King Kong Frank has the massive frame of Lord Colossus upside down and helpless!
Frank drops him back down and wraps the chain around Colossus twice before leashing how own arms into the wrapped chain and pulling again, grunting as he got Colossus vertical. With a mighty roar Frank drops into a dangerous-looking piledriver!
At ringside Walt Whezl screeches.
King Kong Frank is spent, he crumples down to the mat and sucks wind like he’d been to Broadway and back in the last ten minutes.
Howley: I’m gonna be sick.
The instant replay focuses on the awkward position of Lord Colossus’s neck. It’s every bit as scary if not more than the outlandish attempt at a powerbomb just a few moments ago.
Moss: TOO MUCH!
Howley: I CAN’T EVEN!
Time passes, Frank sucks more wind.
Chip Newman starts up the double-count…
Frank tries to pull himself to his feet using the corner ropes to steady himself.
After a few stumbles, the Barefoot Brawler finally regains his barefooting. Get it? He shakes his head, praying for the cobwebs to let go and some sense of the drunken stupor that he normally thrives on would return. Don’t overthink it, just take the ride.
Lord Colossus’s head snaps to attention and then immediately snaps toward the hulking King Kong Frank standing above him.
Frank interrupts the ref’s count by attacking the rising Colossus. The Lord shakes it off and presses forward. Newman backs off and the two weary warriors once again start launching cruise missiles back and forth. In a Defiant rage, Lord Colossus reaches a massive, meaty hand at Frank. He catches hold to the chain and clamps down a death-grip and choke-lifts Frank up in the air before snatching him back downward, back-first over an extended tree truck-sized thigh and knee.
Howley: LORD COLOSSUS HAS BROKEN THE FRANK!
Colossus rides Frank down to the mat and exerts his infernal will over him. Ref Chip is in perfect position as us usual and he slaps the mat hard and true.
Moss: Not like this!
Howley: PUT A FORK IN HIM, MOSS!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Colossus remains prone atop his spent victim.
At Ringside Walt Whezl shrieks in joy as his two minions stand at a distance, both only barely propping the other up to not be a pile of failure on the ground.
Moss: He’s killed King Kong Frank!
Howley: I didn’t think it was possible, Moss, even for this guy! This is great!
Inside the ring, Lord Colossus regains his towering composure and manages to somehow loom and lurch over the entire building and everyone in simultaneously. It’s noticeably weird, and people are generally uncomfortable with the scene that has unfolded in front of them.
Moss: Throw to something else! Anything! Somebody? ANYBODY?
Harold Robbins: The winner of the Chain Match by way of pinfall, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS!!!
The boo birds are ready, this is their finest hour, maybe even their reason for living. They came down on Lord Colossus like the torment of hellfire raining down from acid clouds in the sky.
Unidentified Freaked-out Objects
The search for the mysteries of In Your Haunted House have taken us back to the doldrums of the Gund Arena… now out in the parking lot of the arena. Once more, we find ourselves with Dr. Selah Graves, using her magnifying glass to look out into the night sky while a rather ham radio setup in one of the parking lot stalls near an extension cord. Standing next to her is Jurassic Joe Stone, fixating on the night sky above him.
Dr. Graves: Hello, once again, Classic Wrestling fans. I am still Dr. Selah Graves, World-renowned archaeologist and budding ham radio operator. And Joe and I are going to try and reach out to the stars with this ham radio here. If we can make first contact, perhaps if alien involvement is happening here..
She puts on the headset.
Dr. Graves: …we can finger out alien involvement here.
FIRST CONTACT WITH ALIENS MANIPULATING FROM AFAR
Dr. Graves: Hello! Hello! Can anyone out there hear me? My name is Dr. Selah Graves and I have a message if you can hear us out there?
Stone is confused by the entire setup and looks at her radio.
Joe Stone: What we doing?
Dr. Graves: As I stated before, first contact with aliens, Joe.
Stone looks up, then his fugly eyebrows go wide.
Joe Stone: Oh! Men from stars! Men from stars come down long time ago! They teach Joe to wrestle! Teach me everything I know! And about fire…
But as he blurts out this massive revelation… she’s too busy fiddling with dials and still has her headset on.
Dr. Graves: I’m sorry, Joe, I didn’t hear you. What was that?
But before The Wrestler That Time Forgot can say anything more, one of the arena security approaches.
Security Guard: Hey, you can’t be here! We need this space for trucks!
Dr. Graves takes her headset off and then turns to the man.
Dr. Graves: Oh, I’m so sorry, my good man. We’ve been here all night trying to figure out why In Your Haunted House is haunted in the first place. But since we do not have ghostbusters available to us, I’ve taken it upon ourselves to investigate.
Security Guard: It… it’s just the name of the show…
Dr. Graves: I… look here, mister…
She looks at the man’s name tag.
Dr. Graves: Allen. I’m…
Joe suddenly stands in between Dr. Graves and Allen.
Joe Stone: No! Doctor! You hear him! That alien! You no go near bum, alien! I not fall for that! I bash your brains in!
Joe angrily holds his club up and when Allen realizes how serious things get, he runs with the quickness.
Joe Stone: Get away!
Dr. Graves: No, Joe! Allen! Not Alien! No!
The Doctor chases after as the show heads elsewhere.
Premier American Championship: Freddy Kilgore vs Shujin Yama (C)
Moss: Alright up next folks is a match that is months in the making! Back at our last pay per view SLAM-A-THON, we saw “Feral” Freddy Kilgore emerge Classic Wrestling’s first Premier American Champion! It wasn’t to be for long however as he came up against Shujin Yama in the main event on Classic Wrestling on RBTV, and lost the championship to the big man. Since then Yama has been on a reign of terror as the PAC champion. Well tonight it’s time to find out once and for all, who the better man is as they go head to head one more time with the strap on the line!
Howley: This is the big one! Kilgore gets one more chance to bodyslam the big champion and win back what he feels is rightfully his.
Moss: But can he do it is the question?
Howley: This one is so close, I don’t know who I would put my money on.
“Wildside” by Motley Crue begins to play and the fans in the Gund Arena go nuts. Through the curtain comes the painted up good guy and his valet “Wildkat”. Kilgore looks to the crowd and starts pumping them up. From left to right everyone seems to be with it.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following matchup is scheduled for one fall, with a 30 minute time limit. It is for, the PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! Coming to the ring first, weighing in at 282 lbs, he hails from “The Wildside”… this is FERAL FREDDY KILGORE!
The fans get loud once again as he and Wildkat reach the ring and step through the ropes. Smiling and flexing for the crowd, Kilgore looks to be in great shape.
Moss: The question remains, do those injuries still linger for Kilgore, or is he ready for the beating that comes with a match with Shujin Yama?
The Japanese National anthem begins playing as Sensei Abe Lincoln steps out onto the stage waving a Japanese flag. The fans in the Gund Arena begin to boo immediately.
Moss: Here he comes Thunderbird!
Howley: A man no one wants to see coming down the aisle if you’re in that ring!
Shujin Yama follows behind, in a sparkly white robe bedazzled in red diamantes. They march down to the ring, Yama paying no attention to the crowd while Sensei Lincoln laughs and taunts them.
Robbins: And his opponent, coming to the ring from The Greatest Nation on Earth, weighing in at 469 Lbs… He is The PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION… SHUJIN YAMA!
Arriving to the ring, Sensei Lincoln walks up the steps and holds the middle rope down for Yama to step through. He bows in the centre of the ring, as Sensei Lincoln unhooks Yama’s robe. The championship becomes visible once freed, he raises his left leg and drops into a dramatic sumo pose while shouting something incomprehensible to both English- and Japanese-speaking audiences.
The bell rings and Shujin Yama is quick to walk to the center of the ring. He gets there, stops, and stares directly at Freddy Kilgore. Kilgore slaps his arms and flexes a bit, warming up before he starts circling the champion.
Finally they lock up in the ring and much to the surprise of everyone, Yama is able to just toss Freddy Kilgore back to the mat. Kilgore sits right up and looks surprised as well. Moving to his feet the challenger considers his next move. The fans have a few choice words for Yama. Kilgore starts reaching up for a test of strength.
Moss: Not sure how smart this move is here, You’re testing your strength against a near 500 pounder!
The Champion chuckles to himself, knowing he has the advantage, he’s more than happy to oblige. Only to find Kilgore has other plans. The Feral one slaps on a side headlock and cranks on it.
Howley: It was a trap, he knew he couldn’t beat him, so he baited him into the headlock. Smart move!
Kilgore tries to wrench even harder, but Yama places a hand on the small of his back and whips him into the ropes, breaking the hold in the process. When he comes back Yama plants a shoulder tackle that drops Kilgore right back to the ground again.
Moss: What a move by Yama, Kilgore now smartly rolls out of the ring to collect his bearings, right there by Wildkat!
After a moment Kilgore climbs back in the ring as Referee Filepe Chicoda keeps Yama back in his own corner. Both men approach one another again and this time Kilgore is a hiccup to quick as he plants a boot in the gut of Yama, doubling the big man over. Kilgore kicks again before slamming some meaty right fists into the head of Shujin. The fans get behind Kilgore. He grabs the head of Shujin and rams him head first into the turnbuckle.
Howley: Now that’s how you take down a big man! Use all of the ring to your advantage!
Kilgore irish whips Yama from one corner to the other, and follows up with a big running clothesline. Shujin Yama comes stumbling out of the corner and Freddy points to the crowd. They get loud for him, but when he makes the body slam motion they get even louder.
Kilgore moves in for slam, he hooks Yama and lifts.. But isn’t able to get him up. Yama slams his forearm down across the back of Freddy, sending him to his knees. Another shot breaks the hold Kilgore had on the Champion. Yama reels back one more time and brings a devastating chop down across the shoulder blades. Kilgore is hurting and pulling on the ropes for balance. Yama takes advantage and uses a back rake, Kilgore goes down hurting. Yama stomps twice for good effort then bounces off the ropes. He leaps high into the air.
Howley: Squashed Jungle Boy coming up!
Kilgore rolls out of the way just in the nick of time. He explodes to his feet as the crowd loses their minds. Freddy is wide eyed and breathing deep, he shakes his head as the power from the jungle begins to invade his mind. He pumps his arms and the crowd intensity grows with every one of them. Yama gets up, and Freddy hits a big right hand. Then another, then another. Yama is reeling and his arms are trying to keep him up. Kilgore sees his opening and hits the ropes looking for the big clothesline….
Moss: SENSEI ABRAHAM LINCOLN JUST GRABBED HIS LEG!
Kilgore face plants coming off the ropes and the building turns to boo birds, all directed at the manager of the champion. After recovering, They meet in the center of the ring and Yama goes for a belly to belly suplex, it’s blocked by Kilgore. Kilgore delivers a knee to the gut of the Champion, and irish whips him off the ropes. Kilgore runs off the opposite ropes and slams his foot into the face of Yama on the return. The kick sends his head straight up, but he doesn’t fall over right away, instead he tries withstanding it…
Moss: THE CALL OF THE WILD! The signature kick finds it’s mark!
After staring at the ceiling for what feels like eternity, Yama finally falls down. The fans explode. Kilgore runs over and goes for the cover. Filepe Chicoda moves into position.
Yama pushes off and lifts Kilgore completely off of him. Freddy is quick to his feet, he lays in wait behind Shujin Yama, The champion finally makes it to his feet and lazily turns around, looking for his challenger. As Yama turns, Kilgore scoops him….AND LIFTS HIM UP!
Moss: HES GOT HIM UP! HE DID IT!
With a thunderous clash, Yamas body hits the mat as the bodyslam is hit successfully. The loudest eruption from the crowd of the night happens as Kilgore finally after weeks nails the body slam on the Premier American Champion!
Kilgore dives back on top of Shujin once again for the pin!
Sensei Abe Lincoln pulls Freddy Kilgores foot, breaking the pin attempt.
Moss: THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN IT!
Wildkat sees this from her side of the ring and is incensed. She marches over to Sensei who doesn’t see her coming. She puts a hand on his shoulder and he smiles and turns around. When he sees who it is, his face turns to shock for 2.2 seconds. That’s how long it took for Wildkats hand to reach behind her, and come back with an audible smack that sends the crowd into a tizzy once again.
Howley: WOW Did you see that shot!
Lincoln goes down holding his face, he crawls away from her as she looks to the crowd, then back at Kilgore who’s to a knee. He sees the action and then looks back to Yama. The referee meanwhile is making sure both Wildkat and Lincoln are separated on the outside. When the two competitors meet in the center of the ring, Yama goes for the kick this time, but not to the stomach.
Moss: LOW BLOW by Shujin Yama!
Howley: The official is outside, he didn’t see a thing!
Yama follows up with a quick arm trap belly to belly suplex. He drags Freddy Kilgore over to the corner.
Howley: Uh Oh, look out!
Moss: Bonzai Drop! He hit it! He stays on Kilgore for the cover!
The bell rings and the fans begin to boo loudly.
Moss: What a turn of events!
Robbins: Your winner by Pinfall! AND STILLLLLLL PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION…. SHUJIN YAMA!!!
The crowd gets loud in their displeasure, some are on their feet and seem ready to charge.
Howley: Well Kilgore got the bodyslam finally, but he didn’t pick up the win. Shujin Yama retains here tonight at In Your Haunted House! Talk about scary! Who wants to go up against that guy!?
Real Worlds Championship: Vito Valentino vs Alex Bruder (C)
Moss: Well this is it folks, the talk is over, the hype is over, it’s time for our main event of the evening! The REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP is on the line. The richest prize in our great sport and it’s still being held by the man who won our inaugural championship tournament at SLAM-A-THON.
“Life in the Fast Lane” by The Eagles plays over the loudspeakers and the fans erupt.
Moss: Here comes the man that has been in the champions ear since that time, ready and willing to be the one to upset the apple cart. Tonight we’ve seen one champion retain and one set of champions crowned. It’ll be interesting to see what happens here!
Robbins: The following match is scheduled for one fall and is for the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP! Coming to the ring first, hailing from Brooklyn, NY. Weighing in at 261 Lbs. This is Metro…. VITO VALENTINO!
The Master of Metropolis, makes his way down to the ring.
Moss: He looks locked in Thunderbird!
Howley: He’s going to need to be Moss, he’s going up against the best in the world right now! This isn’t television, this isn’t a local show, this is pay per view, this is prime time, it’s time to find out if Vito has what it takes!
He gets in the ring and moves to the turnbuckle and flexes to the fans from the second rope.
Megadeth – “Train of Consequences” begins to play and the entire mood in the arena changes.
Howley: Did it just get cold in here?
The Champion walks through the curtain but the gleam of the belt is what can be seen from a mile away.
Robbins: And his opponent, Weighing in at 238 Lbs, Hailing from Hillsboro, NC. This is THE REAL WORLD’S CHAMPION… All Business….ALEX BRUDER!
No smiles, no gloating, no emotion comes from Alex Bruder. Putting an emphasis on why they call him what they do. He makes it to the ring and steps inside, making sure Vito is nowhere near when he steps through.
Once both men are ready the referee rings the bell.
Moss: Here we go fans! Champion vs Challenger, who’s going to take home the gold!?
Howley: This one is for all the pogs!
The bell sounds and Alex Bruder immediately gets out of the ring. He drops to the floor and waves off Vito Valentino in the ring. A quick shake of the head, he grabs his championship from the timekeeper and begins to head towards the back.
Moss: It appears the champion is not afraid to lose this match!
Howley: He knows if he gets counted out, or any other form of DQ, he keeps the championship Moss! He’s literally taking the opportunity from Vito right now.
The one thing Bruder didn’t consider before hand was he’d have to pass the side of the ring Valentino is currently standing in. He pays it no mind and begins to round the corners. Vito argues with the referee briefly before taking it upon himself.
Moss: Watch out, I don’t think Vito is going to let this happen!
As Bruder rounds the last corner he comes face to face with Vito, The surprise is enough for Vito to get a few quick stikes in of the forearm. The championship goes flying and Bruder takes a tumble to the floor. The Classic fans get behind Vito as he rolls Alex back in the ring.
Howley: Well I guess we are going to get a match here after all!
When Vito slides in, Alex Bruder is on his knees begging not to be hit. Vito delays a second as requested, but it’s enough time for All Business to slide in an eye poke. This send Vito in a dizzy circle and Bruder capitalizes with a side headlock and then a takeover. He cranks on the hold for several minutes.
Moss: This is Alex Bruder’s style, he’s going to wear you down, and systematically attack your weaknesses!
Howley: Or cheat…
Moss: Well.. he’s maybe done that a time or two, but a real champion here in Classic Wrestling!
The fans get behind Valentino and he’s able to slowly fight his way up to his feet. He hits Bruder with an elbow to the ribs, and sends him running off the ropes with a big push in the back. The champion comes back and Vito ducks to the mat. He runs across again and bounces off the ropes. This time Valentino is ready, and plants a dropkick in the mush. Hopping up excitedly Vito goes for a quick cover.
Howley: It’s going to take more than that to take down Bruder! He’s had too long to prepare, he’s well rested!
The pair trade blows in the middle of the ring, finally Alex goes for a big right hand and Vito ducks it, but is able to position himself into an abdominal stretch. He wrenches on the hold, hoping that Bruder will quit. The official is in the right position, but the Champion refuses to give up. Bruder slowly is able to free one leg and has enough juice to hoist Vito up and over with a hiptoss.
Moss: It’s hard to tell who has the strength advantage, but one would think it would be Vito based on appearances alone. Bruder however is proving to be extremely formable. It’s a very even matchup.
Vito moves to the ropes to use them to get to his feet, but not before Alex puts his foot on the back of Vito and pushes his throat against the rope. Referee Kevin Clady is in there to break it up but the damage has been done! Bruder walks around the ring, puts his hands to his neck and pretends he’s choking while Vito actually does.
Moss: Now the Champion leans against the ropes, well here he comes… Kneedrop across the face of Vito Valentino!
Howley: He’s softening up the head and neck for the Cobra Clutch!
Bruder is walking around Vito, picking his spots. Stomping here, dropping an elbow there, and stifling any attempt to get up by Metro. Finally Bruder attempts to go for his patented clutch maneuver, but Vito refuses to let his arm be used. Alex Bruder settles for a side headlock instead.
Moss: Say what you want about the Champion, he knows how to wear you down.
Bruder puts his feet on the ropes for extra momentum on the hold. A move that incites the crowd. They get loud. Referee Kevin Clady asks Vito if he’s ready to give up, but Metro doesn’t give any indication he’s done. The official then looks up at Bruder who pulls his legs off the ropes just in time.
Valentino is turning red and having a hard time breathing. The crowd is trying their best to get their challenger back into the match. The claps and stomps are in unison; shaking the arena. Meanwhile Vito isn’t looking good. Bruder puts his legs back up.
Howley: This could be the end for Vito Valentino here…
Moss: It can’t end like this! Not with this blatant cheating by Alex Bruder.
All Business pulls his feet from the ropes and lands back on his knees. The sound causes Kevin Clady to look up from the hold – and all though the rope is shaking – there is nothing to correct. The fans are in a near frenzy inside the Gund Arena.
The official checks on Vito once more, and of course Bruder takes advantage. This time Kevin Clady catches it and stands up and kicks Bruders legs off the ropes. Alex gets up and gets in the face of the official, backing him into the corner. Clady shows the stripes to Bruder, reminding him who he is. After threat of disqualification and title stripping, Bruder backs away. He turns around and Vito Valentino is ready! He turns right into a back body drop that sends the champion over the top rope and to the floor below.
Vito follows him out and picks him right up off the mat. He moves a little slow, still catching his breath.
Valentino goes to bring Bruder back inside where he can beat him, but Bruder counters and tries irish whipping Vito into the corner post. The former cabbie turned entrepreneur counters that instead and sends the Champion careening into the barricade. The fans nearby couldn’t be happier to see the Champ go down.
Metro turns to the fans and yells out at them, They respond in kind!
He picks up Alex and rolls him into the ring. Following through the ropes, Vito stands up and grabs the legs. He steps through but Alex has it scouted and balls up and then kicks off, pushing Vito off and not allowing him to cinch in the submission.
Howley: Both men have each other scouted, this is incredible, you weren’t kidding Moss, I thought that was all just nerd talk!
Moss: It’s a great matchup and each time they counte….Wait…nerd talk!?
Bruder get’s up off the mat as fast as he can, and Vito runs at him. Alex is able to catch Vito Valentino as he comes in, and slams him down.
Howley: POWERSLAM! What a big move!
Moss: That’s his favorite set up!
Indeed Alex Bruder gets in position behind Vito. Valentino stands up and is immediately clasped in the most devastating hold in Classic Wrestling.
Moss: The Cobra Clutch! He’s got it in!
Howley: No one has beat this yet! Vito is trying to find the ropes but he’s too far away!
After quickly circling his nearby area Valentino panics. Alex Bruder was waiting for just that and begins to yank Vito back and forth, hoping to cut off the circulation even faster. Valentino starts to go limp and Bruder smirks. He’s got it fully locked in and loosens the leverage on his legs.
The fans in the arena boo out. Not wanting this to be the end.
Vito feels Bruder’s legs give a little bit, he wakes back up obviously having used what breath he had to fake falling asleep. He jumps into the air and crashes down on his backside. Alex Bruders head meets the top of Vito Valentinos and the hold is broken. Both men go down. Vito gasps for air, and Bruder holds his jaw with both hands. The fans inside the Gund Arena are going insane.
Moss: What a move! He just broke out of the Cobra Clutch!
Howley: Even I thought it was over for Ol’ Metro there Moss!
They are both slow to their feet, but moving enough that the referee doesn’t start a count for them. Both men get up in opposite sides of the ring and spot one another. They rush together in the middle of the ring and Vito gets the double leg takedown. He holds onto the legs and then steps through. With sheer panic Bruder tries to break free but with a cross of the legs and the strongest tug of Vito’s life, he pulls Bruder over and locks the hold in.
Moss: METRO AVENUE DEATHLOCK!
Howley: Talk about patented submission moves!
Moss: He’s right in the middle of the ring!
Bruder tries crawling towards the ropes. He shakes his head in pain and turning down the referee’s option of giving up. He get’s about two or three crawls before Vito stands up and pulls him back to the middle.
Howley: How’s the champ going to get out!?
He looks around for a way out. He once again inches towards the ropes. It isn’t long before he can’t take anymore and he nods yes to the referee that he gives up.
Vito doesn’t believe the referee at first and doesn’t let go. Thinking it’s some sort of trick by Bruder, then the bell rings!
Ding Ding Ding!
He drops the legs of Bruder and falls forward.
Moss: HE’S DONE IT! HE DID IT!
Howley: I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen your winner…. AND NEWWWWWWWWW REAL WORLDS CHAMPION! VITO VALENTINO!
He gets to his knees, eyes wide, in disbelief. The official hands him the REAL Worlds Championship. He stands up while looking down at it. Then he looks out to the fans. He slowly holds the title up into the air, and they get louder.
Moss: We have a brand new Champion here tonight! Vito Valentino has overcome great odds to become Classic Wrestlings second REAL World’s Champion!
Bruder stands up now. Vito sees him and tries to shake his hand, showing respect to the former champion. Bruder looks down at his hand and back up to Vito. Instead he drops down on his back and leaves the ring. Ignoring the handshake in the process.
Vito pays it no mind and continues to celebrate with the Classic Wrestling fans.
Moss: That’s going to wrap up another exciting pay per view here tonight at In Your Haunted House! Two Championships changed hands, rivalries were ended, and new stars were made! Classic Wrestling is just getting rolling, we’ll be back next week on RBTV with more Classic action! We’ll have to find out who are our new contenders are!
Howley: What a great event! This is the greatest wrestling in the world folks, hands down! Where else are going to get “Metro” Vito Valentino, Dash and Hello World, A freaking Bus, and a terrific roster of all styles! ONLY RIGHT HERE IN CLASSIC WRESTLING!
Moss: Thanks for joining us folks!