Welcome To Classic Wrestling: Episode 22
“Back In Black” by AC/DC hits on the Studio speakers.
The CLASSIC Wrestling splash logo explodes onto your television screen as the music screeches onward at a dizzying pace. Still shots taken from the last few episodes of Classic Wrestling TV rotate across the screen in a dazzling display of audio-visual excellence! A quick flash brings the camera inside of the Classic Wrestling Studio to a crane-shot showing the pristine ring, the iconic television set, and the jam-packed bleachers full of fans placed just on the other side of the ring. The fans do their part to get the show off to a rock solid start by doing what they do best…
Losing their entire minds!
As the crowd dies down the camera lands on Otto Price at his podium. He stands poised in a suit and tie, his large round glasses reflect a bit of the light. He smiles and brings the microphone up to his mouth, ready to talk to the camera. .
Price: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Classic Wrestling here on RBTV! We’re back for another exciting week of action, as well as the fallout from CLASSICMANIA! That’s right, just a few weeks ago we saw the biggest and baddest names in all of Pro Wrestling rage war inside the ring, including some new champions!
A CLASSICMANIA logo covers the screen briefly as the fans cheer. It careens into some still shots of the nights events as Otto does a run down.
Price: We saw The Undercover Lover crowned as the next person to face The Premier American Champion!
View of the Lover hitting on some lovely ringside ladies.
Price: Speaking of the PAC Championship, we also saw King Kong Frank retain the title in fantastic fashion against “Beautiful” Bobby Dean!
Shot of Frank chasing a terrified Bobby Dean around with a chain.
Price: The Amazing Amarettos had their titles disappear at CLASSICMANIA, Our new champions are HAUL & GNASH! REPOSSESSED!
We see an image of Suzi flipping the bird at the Amarettos, of course the bird is censored. This is a family show.
Price: In a steel cage match for the ages, the score was finally settled between All Business and The Feral One as Freddy Kilgore was the first to escape.
Freddy Kilgore celebrates with superfan Mikey and his dad.
Price: And finally in what may have been the biggest shock of the evening, we saw the crowning of a NEW REAL WORLDS CHAMPION! The Mecca! Vito Valentino came up JUST SHORT against the behemoth, Shujin Yama! Our new champion, is on a press tour as we speak and is not expected in the building here this evening. That said you know the wrestlers of Classic Wrestling will be lining up in short order to get the first shot at our new champion!
We cut back to Otto after the image of Shujin with the belt fades away.
Price: Tonight we start fresh as we head towards TOTALLY RAD RUMBLE! With four exciting matchups and much much more up our sleeves so to speak! Stay tuned this is one episode of Classic Wrestling, you won’t want to miss!
We cut offstage to find a stretch limousine pulling up outside the studio.
Stood there in what can only be described as a frenzied mess is a well-dressed, middle-aged gentlemen. As the vehicle grinds to a halt, the man moseys over to the passenger door – mumbling to himself nervously and shaking his head as he goes.
“Good evening, sir”, he announces opening the car door. “And how are we this evening?”
The camera pans down as two suede yacht loafers, one after the other, touch down on the pavement.
The individual stands to reveal none other than The Culture Boy, Bobby Baxter.
“Good evening, Palfrey”, he remarks passing the man his bag. “What news of the deserter? I do hope you’ve managed to trace his whereabouts.”
The man takes the bag and gulps somewhat anxiously as they both make their way towards the studio entrance.
“I’m afraid we’ve not managed to track him down as yet, sir. Rumour has it that he’s got a bit of a reputation when it comes to playing truant. I wouldn’t mind wagering that he might not even show up at all this evening.”
“Is that so?”, Baxter replies.
“Indeed it is, sir.”
The Culture Boy stops in his tracks and turns to face the man, pointing him in the chest and wearing a frustrated look on his face.
“Now you listen to me, Palfrey”, Bobby exclaims. “I don’t pay you to disclose rumours or hedge bets when it comes to my business. I pay you to do as I ask.”
“I don’t care if Axel Eaton’s spent his bus fare here on the last turkey in the shop. You find that son of a bitch and you bring him to me. Understand?”
Palfrey nods feverishly.
“Right you are, sir. I’ll make sure he’s in the ring tonight in one form or another – even if I have to deliver him there myself.”
Bobby grunts and turns away towards the studio once again, leaving his valet with a predicament to ponder.
Axel Eaton vs Bobby Baxter
Axel Eaton stands poised in the ring, as Bobby Baxter finishes up his entrance. Baxter has his robe removed by a lovely lady who assisted him to ringside. He whistles after her as she leaves the ring and the fans react loudly. Axel meanwhile runs his hands through his lucious mullett and pulls on the ropes to warm up.
Moss: Two brand new up and comers here in Classic Wrestling set to square off! Lets move over to our ring announcer for more on these guys!
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next match is scheduled for one fall and a 20 minute time limit. Already in the ring, from Jasper, Alabama, weighing in at 225 pounds. “Sweet Southern Heat” AXEL EATON!
The fans cheer as Axel pumps his fist a bit. His opponent doesn’t even look at him however.
Robbins: And his opponent, weighing in at 275 Pounds, hailing from Rockwall County, Texas, this is “The Culture Boy” BOBBY BAXTER!
Baxter does a cocky strut in his corner and once more ignores his opponents presence.
Howley: I love these matchups Moss!
Moss: You do?
Howley: Absolutely, how someone responds to their debut opportunity says a lot about them as a wrestler! Are they a stud or a dud? Only time will tell!
The pair circle the ring, and when Baxter goes in for a tie up Axel is able to grab him and carry him over with a headlock takedown. He then locks his arms and applies the headlock submission.
Moss: Impressive chain wrestling from Axel Eaton thus far!
Baxter uses his bigger frame to pull Eaton to his feet. From there he’s able to irish whip his opponent off of him, axel hits the ropes and comes back but Baxter hits him with a knee to the gut. Instead of following up right away, Bobby taunts the crowd who boo back at him. Baxter smiles and turns around to his opponent who stands ready.
Axel lands a dropkick to the mush.
Howley: Woah! Too much time talking to the fans!
Axel goes to follow up but Baxter grabs a rope and the referee gets between them to break them up. Axel tries charging a second time but the referee will not allow it. Finally Axel backs up and says OK, as soon as the referee moves, Axel comes running out of his corner for Bobby. The referee steps in between and grabs Axel by the waist to stop his momentum. While out of his view, Bobby Baxter removes something from his boot and puts it into his fist.
Moss: What does he have?
Howley: I didn’t see anything!
He turns and punches Axel right between the eyes. The object is slipped right back into the boot of Bobby Baxter, who then climbs on top of his fallen opponent. He slips one hand under the arm, then behind the head. He does the same with the other hand before he begins to wrench back and forth.
Moss: There’s his signature move! The Culture Rack!
Baxter rips his opponent from left to right as the official looks for some kind of life. After finding none, he calls for the bell.
Moss: Well I’m not sure if it’s the Rack or the object he used that knocked out Axel Eaton, but either way this one is over!
The bell rings and the ring announcer comes on.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner by Submission, “The Culture Boy” BOBBY BAXTER!
“Money” By Pink Floyd hits and Baxter finally lets go of the hold after locking it in a little after the bell. He immediately ignores his opponent and begins to celebrate. One of the ladies who walked him to the ring begins to pat his skin dry with a towel.
Howley: I like this guy, I can tell already!
Moss: He cheated!
Howley: He won!
Moss: No justice for Axel Eaton if you ask me!
Baxter steps through the ropes and wipes his feet before hopping off the apron.
Moss: Either way it’s a very decisive victory for one of Classic Wrestling’s newest stars!
The Lover Has Labor Pains
The camera opens on an antique radio. A well-manicured feminine hand reaches out and turns the dial. Static fills most of the airwaves, until a familiar howling voice breaks through the white noise.
UL: “OOOOOH HAAAAVE MERCY! It’s the Lover’s block for Lover’s rock right here at station 99.7:The Cock!”
The soundbite of a crowing rooster, followed by a gnarly Wyld Stallyns esq. riff blasts through the radio.
UL: “Lover’s got a second job on the levers! And like Venus Flytrap and Doctor Johnny Fever, he’s got a powerful lust to make you all true believers! (that, and get a rent check so he can afford to eat bea-)
A loud buzz cuts Lover off. The harsh click of an inner com follows.
Station Rep: You can’t say that on air.
UL: Sorry, the Lover didn’t mean to be lewd. He wasn’t aware that our listeners were prudes.
Station Rep: I’m also going to need you to stop referencing 70’s sitcoms. Nobody in our demographic knows about “WKRP in Cincinnati”.
UL: Oh c’mon man! I was going to go for the cheap pop when Thanksgiving came around and I could bring up the turkey drop.
Station Rep: Nope. Not our wheelhouse.
UL: Well the Lover can be hip and up to date, if indeed that is the market you wish to satiate. How’s ’bout we play Loverboy, Poison, or Stryper? We’re a rock station afterall. That’s gotta be our demo type or-
Station Rep: Nope! Too old.
UL: Alright I get it you squirt. So what? Imagine Dragons? or Lil Uzi Vert?
Station Rep: Nope, neither fit our demo. Besides, we’re a radio station in 2022. We can’t afford to play those artists.
UL: Well forgive Lover for sticking out his neck, because I need this second job because I’m not booked; which means no CW check. I feel like I’m jumping through hoops here trying to find out our demographic, so why don’tcha tell me who we’re appealing to before things get graphic?
Station Rep: According to the analysis of our key market demo…we’re playing to an audience of single white females in their mid-30’s with a background in HR.
UL: That sounds very familiar…and oddly specific.
Station Rep: That’s because it’s just one woman.
UL: Wow! I gotta say my man, that’s just plain horrific.
Station Rep: Hey, it’s 2022. No one listens to the radio anymore. I’m not even 100% positive that the signal isn’t coming from our station. We might not even be on the air. Hold on, let me tune into the show.
UL: Well, this series of events gives the Lover a tinge of urgency. So let the Lover shout out that former angel from S&P. After all, at this rate The Lover might end up joining you in the bread line if he can’t get more listeners to tune in on this audio grapevine.
Station Rep: Good news! Our listeners just increased by 100%!
UL: Boss man, allow the Lover to clear up this miscommunication. I do believe that you yourself are still tuned in to this station.
Station Rep: Oh…right….well. It’s just down to the one again.
UL: Yeah, the Lover figured. But no biggie, he’ll get his platform soon. All Lover has to do is beat a hillbilly to get the public to stay tuned.
Station Rep: You think that’ll help the station numbers?
UL: Maaan, Lover don’t pretend to know or even care. Lover’ll be above this dump once he rips the gold away from that gnarly mass of hair.
Station Rep: Am I to take that as a tendered resignation?
UL: Dude only Angie listens to this godforsaken radio station! I hear the bulldozers approaching outside. This place will be free parking in a week. So don’t get on Lover’s bad side or show him any cheek. I’m ‘boutta win Premier gold and be a real American! Then Lover’s livin’ large after he beats redneck Captain Caveman.
Station: Well that’s a ways off and right now we’ve got hours to fill. You won’t be getting a day’s wage if you leave five minutes into the broadcast.
There’s a long silence as the Lover weighs his options.
UL: OH HAVE MERCY! THE LOVER’S BACK ON THE AI-!
The well-manicured hand reaches out and turns the radio knob all the way to ‘off’ as Angie formerly from S&P lets out an agitated sigh off-camera and the shot fades to black.
Your Classic Wrestling broadcast is suddenly interrupted by an aerial shot of a palatial mansion built halfway hanging over a cliff in the west Hollywood hills. We spend several moments looking at this mansion as the shot carefully rotates along the great balcony that is the full length of the mansion. Our shot changes once again so that we are now on that great sprawling balcony. A large “in ground” pool is in the distance with its own grotto, nearby is a large hot tub, big enough for at least a dozen people. A little closer is a fully stocked outdoor kitchen and bar and that is where we see the newest addition to the Classic Wrestling roster. Dressed to the nines in the fanciest white suit money can buy is “The Moneymaker” Almir Sayed. Almir leans against the bar with a freshly made dry martini in his hand, beside him is his closest confidant and manager, Haseem.
Haseem: Good evening ladies and gentlemen of Classic Wrestling. My name is Haseem. And it is my honor to introduce to you the future of Classic Wrestling. Beside me is a man who should need no introduction. He has been dominating the professional wrestling world ever since the first time he laced up a pair of boots. But I will introduce him anyway. He is THE MONEYMAKER! HE IS! ALMIR SAYED!
Almir smirks as he takes a sip from his drink before placing it back down. He turns to look at the camera, lowering his Oakley FlakJacket 2.0’s in the process.
Almir Sayed: So this is the Classic Wrestling I have heard so much about?
Almir looks around to acknowledge he is nowhere near the show this week.
Almir Sayed: Well, obviously not this. I wouldn’t be caught dead in whatever podunk town Classic Wrestling has gone to this week. No. When I make my official debut inside their professional wrestling ring it will be in front of fans who deserve to bask in my glory.
Haseem claps at the proclamation.
Almir Sayed: In the meantime let me leave you with this. I did not sign with Classic Wrestling to make friends. I did not come here to be cheered. I signed my name to a very lucrative deal, one I’m sure their top stars would be jealous of, to make even more money than I already have. We all know whoever holds the gold gets the largest cut of the pie. I do not like to share. I am here to make money! I am here to win championships! And that is exactly what I am going to do.
Almir takes his glass and drinks the last of his martini. Haseem steps forward as Almir leaves the shot.
Haseem: We will be seeing you live and in person very soon!
The shot ends with the snarling face of Haseem as you are returned to the studio from which Classic Wrestling emanates this week.
The Black Belts vs Fenderbender Jones & Nick Noodle
We come back to ringside, where we see Harold Robbins and Kevin Clady have been joined in the ring by Fenderbender Jones, Nick Noodle, and the Black Belts before we cut to commentary!
Moss: Up next is tag team action as Ken Roddy and Joe Jitsu take on Fenderbender Jones and Nick Noodle!
Howley: Jones and Noodle are top-notch athletes in their own right, so we’ll see how they stack up agains the ka-ra-tay of the Black Belts!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, the team of FENDERBENDER JONES AND NICK NOOOOOODLE!
The crowd shows some appreciation for Nick Noodle, but it’s offset by Fenderbender shouting at them for having the audacity to show any support.
Robbins: And their opponents…the team of Ken Roddy and Joe Jitsu…THE BLACK BELTS!
The crowd gives a big round of cheers for these martial arts masters, who respond in kind with a bow. With both teams ready, Clady calls for the bell to start this match!
We start things off with Noodle and Roddy, Nick offering a handshake of sportsmanlike quality which Roddy accepts…sort of, giving a fist bump. Fenderbender shouts abuse at Noodle for showing respect, but is paid no mind as Noodle goes for a lock up…only to be met with a kick to the leg instead! Fenderbender can be heard laughing at this, even saying “I told you so” as Roddy continues the attack with a flurry of impressive kicks…until Noodle manages to catch a foot, sending Roddy down to the canvas! He manages to get a couple solid boots in on the karate master, before tagging in Jones.
Roddy is barely on his feet before Fenderbender lays in some hard punches, causing Clady to admonish him for the use of closed fists. This is not nearly as much of a problem for Roddy, however, as he answers the punches with a flurry of palm strikes that sends Jones reeling toward the ropes…where Roddy connects with a high jump kick on the rebound, dropping Fenderbender like a bad habit! This gives Roddy the chance to tag to Joe Jitsu, much to the delight of the crowd!
Moss: And here comes Joe Jitsu!
Howley: This looks like some bad news for Jones and Noodle!
Joe comes in hot and heavy on the offense, showing off his mastery of the art of the open fist upon ol’ Fenderbender, leading up to a spinning heel kick that takes Jones down hard! Jitsu makes the cover as Clady does the count!
Fenderbender saves the match with a boot to Joe’s head to break the pinfall, causing a ruckus as he stays on the attack! Clady is trying his best to control the mayhem as Roddy runs in to help his pal out, unloading some hard kicks on Jones to send him out of the ring!
Roddy turns his attention back to Joe with a nod, and the Black Belts reveal the power of ka-ra-TAY upon poor Nick Noodle…unleashing a combination of a Crane Kick by Roddy and a Leg Sweep from Joe! HIGH YA! This could very well be it as Jitsu goes for the cover!
DING! DING! DING!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners…Joe Jitsu and Ken Roddy…THE BLACK BELTS!
It’s all over as Fenderbender is finally back on his feet, too late to do anything about it as Clady raises the arms of Joe and Ken in victory!
Moss: Black Belts with a big win to turn things back around…but what’s this?
Howley: Uh oh, looks like ol’ Fenderbender’s about to have a word about what happened!
Fenderbender slides back into the ring, shouting more abuse at Noodle for slacking in tonight’s tag bout. Joe and Ken have heard enough however, as they get right up in Fenderbender’s face…and when he tries to shove them away to go after them, he gets a HIGH YA for his trouble as the crowd cheers!
Moss: And down goes Fenderbender!
Howley: That’ll learn you, Jonesy!
Moss: Don’t go away folks, we have more Classic Wrestling action in just a moment!
Fenderbender hightails it out of the ring and toward the entrance as the Black Belts help Nick to his feet, raising his arm to another pop from the crowd as we cut away from ringside!
King Kong Frank might be a raging behemoth inside of a wrestling ring, but by all accounts, so long as nobody bothers him, he seems to be a pretty affable fellow outside the squared circle. He’s a guy you know you could drink a beer with, except it wouldn’t be beer. It’d be a handle of ‘shine, and you’d probably end up naked halfway up a mountain somewhere in Tennessee.
But, whatever. It’s that type of abject supposition that gives the modern-day hillbilly a bad name.
The cool, crisp air outside the arena at twilight felt almost like being up in the mountains. It’d have to do, out on the road and all. After all, his moonshine makin’ equipment is portable. We don’t have to sit on formalities around here. The booze travels.
Standing over a still with vapor rising up out of it, Frank looks down with satisfaction at the latest batch percolating in the pot.
KKF: Yup, reckon that’ll do just fine.
Just then, out of the corner of his eye, Frank sees someone trying to tip-toe past, looking up to the sky and whistling and trying badly to be invisible. It is clearly Scott Hunter. However, he has an absolutely ridiculous Wild West-looking fake mustache on his face that looks like he got it out of the clearance bin at Party City… which is exactly where he got it from.
KKF: Hey! Yeah, you, git yer Scott-Hunter-lookin’ behind over here!
“Scott” puts his hand over his chest and looks around.
”Scott” Hunter Who, me? My name’s not Scott.
Frank slowly steps toward him, and “Scott” shrinks slightly as the gigantic mountain of a man approaches.
KKF: Don’t take me fer stupid, boy, I know me a tail-tuckin’ yellow-bellied Scott Hunter-lookin’ piece’a trash when I see one, an’ RIGHT NOW I’M LOOKIN’ RIGHT AT’CHA!
”Scott” Hunter: Oh… (chuckling) …I see where you got confused. See, I’m not Scott Hunter. I’m Not Hunter. And, well, I mean, while that Scott Hunter fellow sounds like a really cool guy and probably gets lots of chicks and also 10% off appetizers at Applebees… I’m not him.
KKF: Oh, you’re him, alright…
Not Hunter: No no no… you’re not hearing me. I said I’m NOT him. NOT.
KKF: (unimpressed) Yeah, yer about to be a knot alright, as in I’mma tie yer neck inta one!
Hunter holds his hands up, slowly backing away and trying to angle himself to make a run for it.
Not Hunter: Let’s not be too hasty. First of all, as I said, I’m NOT HIM! But also, I read somewhere that Scott Hunter had suffered a terrible head wound and was in a coma for the last three weeks! How could you be mad at him?! He was out cold, with no clue as to his surroundings! How could I be expected to wrestle at ClassicMania under those conditions?!… (Hunter realizes his mistake) ….is what I read he was thinking.
Frank just shakes his head.
KKF: They’s somethin’ wrong wit’you, boy! An’ you don’t know nothing about no good brew. Reckon I ain’t never met nobody quite like ya, either! It really is a shame I’mma have to turn yer face inta’ mashed taters for ya real quick!
Frank advances, and Hunter turns and sprints away, screaming like my wife when she sees a spider. Frank follows for a few steps before choosing his fresh batch of shine over a pursuit through the building and a fight with half the security types on call for the evening.
KKF: GYATdern weirdo. HUSS!
Scott Hunter vs SGT Justice
Both men are standing in the ring in their appropriate corners. The referee takes his time to make sure there are no foreign objects.
Moss: The ref is really taking his time on this one.
Howley : Yeah. It doesn’t make any sense. These two boys are cleaner than….
Moss: Please don’t finish that statement.
The ref signals for the bell and the two men approach one another. They quickly lock up in a collar and elbow. Justice ducks under and grabs both arms of Hunter and pins them to the small of his back. Hunter tries to wiggle free and drops down to his knees quickly, causing Justice to let go of him. As Justice bends down to grab Hunter, Hunter snap mares Justice and locks in a headlock. Hunter has the hold in deep, as Justice waves his arms around. Slowly he manages to scoot the both of them closer to the ropes and gets a foot on the bottom one.
Moss: Sarge manages to break the hold.
Howley: If only it were that easy when you’re pulled over on the side of the road.
Moss: This again?
Howley: All I’m saying is…
Moss: You bad mouthed the cops mom didn’t you?
Howley: I was merely saying I was in awe of her ability to pass a golfball through a garden hose.
Moss: You ended up in cuffs didn’t you?
Howley: Under advice of counsel I cannot say any more.
Hunter lets go and backs away slowly, but not taking his eyes off of Justice, who is getting to his feet and rubbing his neck. The two men once again lock up, Justice whips Hunter into the ropes. As Hunter rebounds he leaps over the telegraphed back body drop from Justice. Hunter runs at Justice and leaps into the air and levels Justice with a massive clothesline. Hunter quickly gets to his feet and climbs to the middle rope. Egging Justice to get to his feet.
Moss: Hunter is really on a run right here.
Howley: Serves that cop right!
Moss: Just stop it.
Hunter leaps off the middle rope and axe handles Justice to the top of the head. Hunter climbs on top of him and hooks a leg.
Justice gets a shoulder up, as Hunter slaps the mat in a moment of frustration, then returns on the attack. Grabbing the leg of Justice and dropping an elbow to the inside of Justice’s knee. Hunter holds onto the bottom of the leg and begins to pull back. Justice bellows in pain as Hunter continues to pull on the leg and knee.
Howley: Tear that knee from the rest of the leg!
Moss: Calm down.
Howley: It’s just nice to see the little guy….
Moss: Hunter is bigger than him..
Howley: Well… Uhh…. Shut up.
Justice manages to get a hold of the top of Hunter’s head and punches him a few times, Hunter releases the hold. Justice knocks his knee a few times and struggles to get to his feet as Hunter grabs him to “help” him to his feet.
Howley: How nice.
Hunter whips Justice into the ropes and the hobbled Sarge makes his way back. Hunter lifts him up.
Howley : Wait!
Justice loses his balance on the way up and accidentally flips over the back of Hunter and manages to grab ahold of Hunter’s trunks. Hunter falls backwards but manages to roll through, leaving Justice in a sitting position. Hunter unloads a stiff kick to the ribs of Justice. Then quickly lifts the Sarge up, and lines everything up.
Moss: There’s the kneebreaker!
Howley: Hunter didn’t let go of the leg!
Hunter in one swift movement locks in the Figure Four in the middle of the ring. Under normal circumstances Justice would fight for his life, but his knee was so worked over and damaged that he tapped out after not much fight.
Robbins: The winner of this match Via Submission… SCOTT HUNTER!
The bell rings and the decision is made.
Moss: What a matchup, Scott Hunter is victorious upon his return to Classic Wrestling…
Howley: Wait… that’s Scott Hunter? I thought it wasn’t?
Moss: Will you stop!
Hunter stands with both arms raised before the referee can even get there.
Lunchbox Larry vs Holo Make
Moss: We’re back and we’re ready for our main event! We’ve got two huge stars in one big match here tonight!
Howley: You got that right Moss! I can’t believe Holo Make wasn’t at CLASSICMANIA!
Moss: Well he’s going to have a chance to right that wrong right here against someone who came up on the losing end of things just a few weeks ago!
Howley: Not to mention Holo just topped Nick Noodle last time we saw him without fail!
Moss: I wouldn’t want to be in his way tonight!
Cut to a smiling Lunchbox Larry.
Howley: Well I guess not everyone is as cautious as you are!
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, this next match is our MAIN EVENT with a 20 minute Time Limit! In the corner to my left… He is from a LOST ISLAND IN THE PACIFIC…. Weighing in at 374 pounds… “The Pale Rider” HOLO MAKE!
The fans boo loudly until Holo side eyes them into shutting it.
Robbins: And his opponent! Hailing from Westbrook Maine! He weighs in at 277 pounds… LUNCHBOX LARRY!
The bell rings as each man stands in his corner. Larry readies against the ropes while Holo stands poised.
Larry comes out with his arms up for a lock up but Holo catches him with a kick to the gut right away that sends him sprawling. Larry gets right back up but catches an overhand chop and then gets run head first into the turnbuckle. Lunchbox stumbles away but isn’t able to get out of the way of some of Holo’s strikes.
Holo takes over and works Larry around the ring peppering him with punches, chops, and powerful submissions. After a big move Larry is able to roll out of the ring to avoid a pin fall attempt from Make.
Holo steps over the rope and hops to the floor. Larry is able to finally get away while Holo makes chase. Larry slides into the ring and hits the ropes, Holo follows but gets caught upon stepping back over the rope with a diving forearm smash from Lunchbox that sends the fans into a tizzy. They roar with approval as Holo crashes back through the ropes to the floor on the outside. Larry falls backwards in the ring hilariously.
Moss: I guess he needs a break!
Howley: He’s been getting pounded the whole match, I’d say so!
Larry gets up slowly as Holo rolls back in under the bottom rope. Both men get to their feet slowly and begin a striking exchange. Holo hits a big uppercut, followed by a big right hand from Larry, when Holo goes for the overhead chop Larry is able to duck under and run the ropes. Holo swings again for a clothesline but Larry ducks once more, grabs the waist of Holo, spins around him and lifts and slams him with a back drop suplex! The entire ring shakes and the fans jump to their feet. Larry goes for the cover.
Moss: MAKE kicks out just in time!
Howley: Lunchboi almost had him that time. Hit him with the surprise suplex!
Larry gets up and climbs to the second rope, Holo is up just as fast unfortunately and grabs Lunchbox and launches him back into the ring on his back. Holo takes a few steps and elevates into a very high jump leg drop. There’s enough time for Larry to roll out of the way at the last second.
Moss: Both men going back and forth, a game of one upmanship!
Howley: Someone’s going to get the big move and that’s going to be all she wrote!
Larry waits for Holo to get back up, Make holds his backside in pain. He turns around and sees Larry running at him.
Moss: KNUCKLE… NO!
Make pushes Larry past him and hits the ropes himself. Now it’s Holo’s turn!
Howley: Aina I Ka… NO!
Now Larry dodges the headbutt and sends Holo into the corner instead. Holo stumbles out and Larry lifts Holo onto his shoulders before laying out with a big slam in the middle of the ring.
Moss: That’s going to do it!
But before Larry can cover him, Holo already has a foot underneath the ropes. The referee won’t count.
Howley: There’s the benefit to being seven feet tall! You’re always near the ropes!
Larry slaps the mat and pulls Holo to his feet. Larry signals to the crowd and goes to run once more. With both hands Holo reaches out and traps the head of Lunchbox. In one fluid motion Holo rears back and then slams his head forward with a colossal headbutt on Lunchbox Larry. Both men fall flat on their backs holding their heads.
Moss: BOOM! What a shot from Holo, let’s take a look at the replay!
As the replay airs we see Holo edge over to Larry and finally lay an arm over him.
The bell rings as Holo Make’s theme song rings out in the arena.
Moss: He’s done it again! Holo is back on a streak here in Classic Wrestling, first Nick Noodle, and now Lunchbox Larry! A hard fought victory for the Islander!
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen your winner by pinfall… HOLO MAKE!
Holo celebrates by pushing Larry out of the ring and claiming ownership of the space. The referee tries raising his arm but cannot reach high enough. Holo doesn’t want to be touched anyway.
Howley: I thought this was going to go the other way, but you never know in Classic Wrestling do you Moss?
Moss: That’s right partner, We have the best athletes on planet earth and that was another fine example. And with that we’re going to be out of time here on Classic Wrestling on RBTV, We want to thank you for watching ths week, don’t forget to tune in next time! For Otto Price, and Joel “Thunderbird” Howley, I’m Patrick Moss! Have a great night everybody!