WELCOME TO…
We open to a video montage of wrestling clips from history with a voice over…
V.O: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the newest wrestling entertainment in the country! Join us as we find out just who the BIGGEST, The BADDEST, and the TOUGHEST Wrestler in the world today is! You’re going to see high flying action, tag team mayhem, big bodied men full of testosterone, and most importantly you’re going to see the best wrestling on the planet today! Welcome to Classic Wrestling!”
Cut to the inside of the Classic Wrestling Studio where we see all the fans are seated in the bleachers, and not one more single ass could fit in the space. The fans are loud and proud and excited to be at Classic Wrestling TV!
We move over to ringside where our two commentary team members are standing with on stage interviewer Otto Price!
Moss: Hello everyone, I’m Patrick Moss, I’ll be your lead play by play commentator…
Howley: …And as many of you already know, I’m Joel “Thunderbird” Howley and I’m here to provide an experienced colour experience! I’ve been in that ring for years, and I know what it takes to survive. Let me tell you folks, I’ve seen the wrestlers in Classic Wrestling and all I can say is WOAH MOMMA! Tell em Otto!
Price: Hello Otto Price here, Host of Classic Wrestling and onstage Interviewer! Very excited to bring you the fastest, and hardest hitting action in wrestling each and every week, right here on RBTV!
The team has assembled and the crowd is ready!
Moss: We’ver got a huge night ahead of us and to kick it all off we’ve got the FOUR, count them FOUR, World Title Tournament matches right here tonight. 16 Men square off for the biggest prize today, The Real World’s Title!
Howley: What a way to kick off our debut show on RBTV! 8 of the 16 guys going at it right here tonight, and join us next week when we finish off the rest of the first round with our other 8 competitors!
Price: We’re going to meet a lot of wrestlers you may or may not have heard of before, but most importantly we’re going to find out who is the best. The Real World’s Champion will have ALL the bragging rights if they win 4 matches in a row! There’s no better time than now to find out so lets get going!
As everyone moves back to their respective positions, a visual of the 16 competitors flashes across the screen before the tournament brackets display for all to see. The fans at the RBTV studio are cheating loudly in anticipation
Moss: Tonight on the show we’re going to see Vito Valentino vs King Kong Frank! Not to mention Johnny Saint Nelson vs Harry Chest!
Price: We’ve also got Jack Fargo vs “All Business” Alex Bruder, and in our Main Event of the evening Japanese Star Shujin Yama will take on one Rich K Hunt.
Howley: It’s going to be a jammed packed night of incredible action!
WTT Round 1 Match: Vito Valentino vs King Kong Frank
“Life in the Fast Lane” blasts through the PA system as the crowd directs their attention toward the curtain. The fans embrace the arrival of the chiseled Italian cabby, “Metro” Vito Valentino. He hurries out, clenches his muscles and flexes his biceps. He removes his signature sunglasses and reveals a picture perfect smile. Valentino points and winks.
Moss: Here we go! Show number one opens up the tournament for the Real World’s Championship! It’s “Metro” Vito Valentino going up against the SAVAGE! THE MADMAN! King…Kong…Frank!
Howley: That’s right, Moss, and we’re not talking bout a tournament for that stupid reality TV show that made MTV famous, NO – we’re talking about THE tournament of tournaments; THE bracket of brackets – we’re set to see the first steps in deciding the winner of THE REAL…World’s Championship.
Moss: Let’s direct our attention to Otto Price who is at standby with “Metro” Vito Valentino…
Hard cut on stage to the dapper Otto Price holding a microphone to his lips. Valentino awaits Price’s pre-match interview when the sound of a chain slamming against the concrete is heard. They turn toward the entrance where King Kong Frank is waving his signature steel chain as it slams against everything in sight.. The crowd erupts! Frank’s eyes wide and focused, and his frothy mouth snarls as the hairy wild man comes charging toward the Italian cabby.
Moss: And we begin the show with a cat and mouse chase! Valentino jolts in distress!
Howley: Someone tell that brainless coward that weapons can’t be used in Classic Wrestling!
The crowd cheers as Frank and Vito circumvent the ring. Vito dodges decapitation and leaps under the bottom rope like a missile. Valentino rolls toward the opposite turnbuckle as Frank hops on the apron. The brave referee interrupts Frank and he rips the chain away from the beast. Frank throws a brief tantrum before turning a blood shot eye toward the crowd. Spittle flies from the madman’s foaming mouth as he directs his attention toward the official. The referee steps back.
Howley: I hope that the referee has an insurance policy because he’s looking at his deductible directly in its eye…
Moss: Wait! Here comes Metro! Vito glides across the ring and meets Frank with a right forearm! Metro reaches forward and grabs Frank by his long hair and flips him over the ropes!
Frank’s back slams against the canvas as Valentino falls forward and wraps his arms around Frank’s neck. The referee tosses the chain outside the ring and requests the bell. The match begins. Metro has Frank in a sleeper hold. Frank uses his power to roll over and send Valentino tumbling forward. Frank is quick to his feet and drives his right leg directly into Valentino’s ribs. He continues to drive and stomp his boot into Vito’s side. Frank reaches forward and lifts Vito, but Metro’s oiled body slides out of Frank’s hands. Valentino lunges toward Frank’s knees and tackles him to the ground. Metro mounts Frank and begins to slam him in the face with a litany of rights and lefts.
Moss: These two men are tearing into each other!
Howley: This isn’t recess, Moss. No, my man, this is good old fashioned knuckle in your mouth, boot to your brain, wrasslin’…
Frank blocks the final punches and is able to drive his knees into Vito’s abdomen to push him off. Frank and Valentino hurry to their feet, and Frank immediately whips Metro toward the ropes! Vito runs toward Frank and ducks underneath a crucial lariat! Metro bounces off the ropes. Frank spins around, but Vito slides between his legs! Vito is on his feet! Frank turns and is met with an Italian right hook! Frank growls! The fans pop!
Moss: Frank isn’t fazed!
Howley: The man’s blood type is Type O-Moonshine! He eats hooks for breakfast!
Frank reaches forward and pulls Vito into a ferocious side headlock. Vito is capable of pushing away after nearly two minutes of Frank’s growling and tugging. Frank lunges and the superstars lock up collar-and-elbow.
Moss: A test of strength! The behemoth is applying all his weight!
Metro cringes as Frank’s knee is driven into his abdomen. Valentino doubles over and Frank slides forward with five knuckles to Vito’s forehead! Vito backs against the ropes and then Frank whips Metro across the ring! Frank meets Vito in the center and lifts him over his head!
Howley: These fans are in awe at the sign of strength being revealed in that ring. That’s why we call him King Kong!
Frank presses Metro not once, not twice, but three times before dropping him to the ring with a powerful thud! Frank’s intense eyes widen and he clenches his teeth. He spins around and continues to stomp on the fallen Valentino several times before Metro rolls to the side of the ring and hugs the ropes. The referee calls for the break and Frank anxiously steps away. Vito slowly pulls himself to his feet. Metro is shocked. Frank lets out a roar and steps toward Vito but the Italian defends himself with a slew of right hooks! The crowd counts with every punch!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
The competitors are in the center of the ring and Vito stares into the crazy eyes of King Kong Frank. Valentino takes two steps back and acts as if he’s going to finish Frank with a final punch…but DROP KICKS him in the chest instead! Frank takes one step back and looks down at his chest.
Howley: TWAS ONLY A SCRATCH, VALENTINO!
Moss: Vito will have to do better than that!
Vito is on one knee. He stares in awe at the beast before him. Frank smirks, and slowly looks at Vito. The smirk doesn’t last very long! Frank slaps Vito in the face! AN EXPLOSION OF SPIT! The cabby flies from his knee and lands two feet away into the ropes! He’s dazed!
Moss: MY GOD!
Howley: That’s just not…FARE!
Frank quickly attacks and peels Metro from the ropes. Valentino slides around the big man and grabs Frank between the legs and pulls him down for a school boy pin!
Moss: Vito has Frank by the overalls!
The referee hits the mat!
ONE!
TWO!
Howley: You’ve got to be kidding me!
THREE!https://cw.crackedcreative.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=121&action=edit
Vito immediately pushes off Frank and quickly slides out of the ring. He has a huge smile on his face. Frank rolls onto his knees and cannot believe what’s just happened…
Harold Robbins: The winner of the match by pinfall…METRO…VITO…VALENTINO!
Frank lunges toward the ropes, but Valentino jogs toward the back. He backs up, his eyes on the savage, as he shrugs his shoulders with a cocky grin.
“Life in the Fastlane” hits!
BURT HOWELL III
Backstage the owner of Classic Wrestling, Mr. Jimmy Dale is on a classic desktop phone seemingly trying to get off the line.
Jimmy Dale: Ok Ted, I really have to go. We are doing our first show right now, and I got the son of the VP of RBTV waiting for me. Yup. Nepotism at its finest. Ok see you.
The older man chuckles a bit as he hangs up the phone and motions for the kid to come in.
Jimmy Dale: So you must be Burt Howell’s son?
A semi chubby mid twenties long hair kid in a powder blue suit walks in and shakes the owner’s hand with vigor.
Kid: Yes sir, I’m Burton Hoyt Howell the third!! Pleasure to meet you.
Jimmy Dale: Well let’s keep this brief you were supposed to be here two hours ago!
Burt Howell: Sorry I had to get my suit from the dry cleaners. Here is my resume. I’m a communications graduate from Boston College. I figured this suit would stand out on TV. Do you have any format cards for me to study? A ring announcer should always be prepared!
The owner looks over the resume before shaking his head a little at a loss for words.
Jimmy Dale: I hate to tell you this but I promised your dad I’d give you a job but the ring announcer positions are full. I was thinking more backstage type stuff, helping with the wrestlers, and their needs. Look son, everyone starts somewhere if you do well, skys the limit in our young company, and perhaps down the road we can look at you for an on air position.
The kid looks somewhat dejected but shrugs it off.
Burt Howell: Very well!! I’ll introduce myself to the locker room and see how I can be of assistance.
The owner smiles and shakes the kids hand.
Jimmy Dale: Welcome to Classic Wrestling! That sounds excellent!! We’ll talk more next week. I’m sorry I’m short on time with the show happening right now! If you would excuse me I have to check on something.
The older man exits the office leaving the kid with a beaming smile on his face.
Burt Howell: Burton Hoyt Howell the Third!! Head of talent relations!! I have some work I need to do.
The kid pulls out a notebook and starts jotting something down as the camera cuts away to the next segment.
WTT Round 1 Match: Johnny Saint Nelson vs Harry Chest
Back to the ring we see the Ring Announcer preparing for the next matchup.
Howley: Well we know Vito Valentino is moving on in the tournament so far, but who else will keep moving up the ladder?
The house lights flicker as “Let It Rock” by Bon Jovi plays throughout the venue. The slow build of the guitar riff primes the crowd for the appearance of their hero in tights.
Harold Robbins: The next matchup is scheduled for one fall and is a FIRST ROUND MATCHUP for the Classic Wrestling REAL WORLD’S CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT!
At the songs apex, Harry Chest walks out on stage sporting his flashy smile and signature heroically caped attire.
He marches to the ring and misses most hand slaps with the fans. His hair is gelled back and his chest is pushed out with pride.
Robbins: Coming to the ring first, From Swan River, Manitoba, Canada…Weighing 241 Lbs… This is “The Every Dad!” HARRY CHEST!
A tuft of iconic chest hair protrudes from the top of his combat suit collar. The word ‘CHEST’ runs across his pectorals in fuzzy felt lettering.
Harry Chest ascends into the ring where his demeanor changes to a serious one.
Howley: Is this guy wearing an actual cape Moss?
Moss: That does appear to be the case.
The music fades out before “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode takes over. The lights die down a bit and begin to flash.
Robbins: And his opponent…
The fans boo before he even makes his way through the curtain.
Robbins: Hailing from Cleveland, Ohio… Weighing in at 243 Lbs… “The Saint!” Johnny Saint Nelson!
Through the curtain he comes, wearing ring gear, he slowly looks to both sides of the studio audience before looking to the ring and his opponent for the night. He points at Harry Chest before posing quickly for the crowd.
Moss: A Hometown guy ready to make his Classic Wrestling Debut. He didn’t exactly put the fans behind him with his promo this week!
Howley: That’s putting it mildly Moss, the man told everyone their sinners, he let them know he’s here to save Classic Wrestling from the culture. The odd thing is, I think he and Chest want the same thing, just in different ways!
Johnny Saint Nelson climbs into the ring and starts pulling off his entrance jacket. As he does he wastes no time and attacks a surprised Harry Chest.
The official rings the bell as JSN has pushed Harry Chest into his own corner and starts clobbering on him with big right hands. After a few hard shots, Chest is able to block one and comes roaring back out of the corner with some quick jabs. He circles around a slightly dazed Nelson before he winds up his arm and nails The Saint with a big right haymaker. The move sends JSN over the top rope and to the outside of the ring.
Moss: Woah! Harry Chest did not appreciate that surprise attack there Thunderbird!
Howley: What a big right hand, and now Saint Nelson can finally get that jacket off!
Indeed on the outside a frustrated Johnny Nelson throws his jacket on the floor and slaps the ring canvas. Back Inside Harry sticks our his signature chest and poses with his hands on his hips. The fans applaud loudly.
JSN now walks over to the commentary team.
Howley: Watch out here he comes! What’s going on Saint!?
JSN speaks into the mic.
Johnny Saint Nelson: He didn’t even give me a chance to get my ring jacket off.. What a cheap shot!
He moves to slide back inthe ring and Chest gives him space. The two jut their chests against one another in the center of the ring but the move sends JSN stumbling a few steps due to Chest’s big….Chest!
JSN swings a couple times but Harry is able to dodge them. Finally Everydad drops a boot in the gut of JSN and sends him off the ropes…
Moss: On the return now, and JSN takes a ride with the big back body drop! JSN right back up now and Chest catches him with an armbar! He drives down JSN to the mat.
The Saint complains to the referee who says it’s a legal hold. Saint tells him to make him take the cape off. No dice.
After a few moments of the armbar Chest lets go of the hold and pulls Nelson back to his feet. He moves to the turnbuckle and climbs it and begins to rain down punches on the head of JSN. The official does begin a count because the punches a slightly outside the rules using the ropes.
As the referee yells towards the face of Chest. JSN is able to slip an arm between the legs and bring it straight up!
Howley: OHHHH NO! Right in the Superbeans!
Moss: I don’t care who you are, caped crusader or not… that’s going to put you out of commission!
The official is very confused and sees Chest grab his…superbeans and fall to his knees. He shakes a finger towards Nelson who’s recovering and feigns innocence. JSN marches over and puts one arm under the arm of Harry and places it on the back of his head.
Moss: He’s going for his move! He’s got half of that Full Nelson Submission!
As he does Harry Chest flexes his chest with everything he’s got and grabs the other arm of JSN preventing him from locking in the move.
Howley: Not so fast!
The two of them are in a test of strength until finally Chest get the better of it. JSN realizes this and lets go of the Half Nelson. The fans cheer on Chest whos still down on his knees. JSN goes for a kick to the head but Chest ducks!
Moss: Johnny Saint Nelson misses the kick but uses his momentum to sit down on the neck of Chest. He’s reaching down and GRABS THE LEG OF CHEST and pulls it upwards!
Howley: Classic Stumppuller! This move pushes down on your neck and body while pulling up on the leg. Creates a ton of pain in your midsection and quad area. It’s a devastating move.
It isn’t long before it’s too Devestating and Chest has to give in.
DING DING DING
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen your winner by Submission! Johnny Saint Nelson!
“Personal Jesus” by Depeche mode comes back on full force.
Howley: What a match Moss! I thought Chest was going to pull that one out!
Moss: He put on a great fight but at the end of the day, the relentlessness of Nelson was just too much. Nelson moves on to face the winner of tonights Main Event! Shujin Yama vs Rich K Hunt! I hear Shujin Yama is backstage now, ready to talk about his upcoming opportunity! Let’s cut to Billy Fields.
Cut to backstage!
CLASSIC SUMO
We open to the backstage interview area where Classic Wrestling correspondent Billy Fields stands ready next to Sensei Abe Lincoln, representative of Shujin Yama. Behind him stands the man himself. Poised at 6’4″ 469 LBS he towers over everyone in the room both in girth and height. Billy looks to the camera and begins the interview.
Billy Fields: Ladies and Gentlemen I’m Billy Fields and joining me at this time is REAL Worlds Championship tournament competitor Shujin Yama and his manager Sensei Abe Lincoln! Obviously here and ready for your matchup tonight, what do you think your chances of success are?
He holds the microphone towards Abe Lincoln.
Sensei: Chances!? Hmmmm… Shujin Yama biggest man in this tournament. Shujin Yama unstoppable. Tonight Rich K Hunt get what is coming to him!
Billy Fields: Speaking of Shujins opponent Mr Hunt. He said earlier this week that he would pay any man in Classic Wrestling $50,000 to ensure his victory against Yama tonight. Do you take any extra precatutions?
Yama’s gaze never leaves the camera. He crosses his arms and looks unimpressed.
Sensei: We don’t worry about…
Well maybe they should have.
WHAM!
From outside the screen comes a man even larger than Shujin Yama in height. While his weight is not the same, he caught the Sumo off guard and drills him with a Steel Chair to the back. Sensei screams and scrambles out of the way. The large man who we can now see is wearing a Hockey Mask pulls the chair up again and slams it across the back of Yama.
BOOM!
Now on all fours Yama tries again to get back up but is met one more time with full force in the back.
WHACK!
Moss: That’s Lord Colossus! The big man looks like he doesn’t think his tournament shot at the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP is enough!? He’s gunning for the money that Rich K Hunt offered to any man or woman!
Howley: Hard working men get rich, smart men STAY rich, Moss, never forget that! 50 thousand large ones is nothing to sneeze at!
Sensei begins yelling at Lord Colossus who holds up the chair aggresively. Finally he tosses the chair down and marches out of the scene. Billy Fields tries to assess the situation.
Fields: Oh no, I’m sorry guys Shujin Yama is down! That …that man just delivered brutal shots with this steel chair.
Fields picks up the bent and mangled chair. The fans in the arena aren’t sure to cheer or boo.
Suddenly from the opposite side of the camera we see a wild eyed King Kong Frank come into the scene, he’s got a big chain he’s swinging around in the air. The fans in the arena cheer when they see Frank sneak up on Billy Fields and accidentially scares him.
KKF: Scuze me Mister, you seen a big ol Can-aidian run through hurr just now? Feller looked like he’s ready for a good pucking? Swangin chairs?
Billy is able to quickly put two and two together.
Fields: Lord Colossus just ran that way! I… I don’t know where he was going!
Frank nods quickly and runs the same direction wildly swinging his chain in the air. The fans once again cheer for Frank as he disappears off screen.
Fields: All hell has broken loose back here guys! Back to you!
Double Decker vs Carlos Ruiz
As we come back from a quick sponsor break we see Double Decker in the ring dancing to his music. “ Waiting for the Bus” by ZZ Top!
Harold Robbins: Already in the ring, weighing in at 400 lbs and a few tires… He is “The Big Greyhound” Doubleeee Decker!
“Bamboleo” by Gypsy Kings hits over the P.A. System and the crowd goes crazy for their Spanish Luchador!
Carlos Ruiz walks out from the back posing for the crowd in his leather jacket that is zipped halfway up, pink speedo wrestling trunks, pink boots, and Maui Jim sunglasses. He stops on the way to the ring a couple of times to take selfies with the crowd.
Robbins: Making his way to the ring from Madrid, Spain… weighing in at two hundred and twelve pounds… CARLOS RUIZ!
He slides into the ring and blows kisses to the adoring fans. He smiles as he removes his jacket and sunglasses and hands them to the ringside attendant.
As the bell rings Double Decker looks on at the smaller Ruiz and gives a throaty laugh. Ruiz slaps either shoulder and runs towards Double Decker. He is instantly stopped in his tracks. Double Decker laughs and points towards the ropes to begin him to attempt it again. Ruiz takes a deep breath and runs towards the ropes. Double Decker smiles once more as Ruiz pinballs off of him and falls flat on the mat. Double Decker bends down to grab the smaller Ruiz but he scurries under the big man’s legs.
Howley: That little Mexican is quicker than a jumping bean…..
Moss: He’s from Spain, so he’s a Spaniard.
Ruiz runs the ropes, and dives towards Double Decker’s knee. The knee holds strong. Double Decker grabs Ruiz by the shoulders and lifts him off the ground. Ruiz’s legs flail in the air, as Double Decker shakes him back and forth, before tossing him into the corner. Ruiz’s head hits the turnbuckle hard. Double Decker slowly paces to the opposite corner. He stomps a foot into the mat.
Moss: Uh-Oh…..
Howley: You don’t want to be on the road when the Bus gets moving.
Double Decker begins to run towards Ruiz, who is helpless as the big man squashes him in the corner. Double Decker holds his hands high in the air yelling *Honk Honk* while thrusting them. Ruiz slides down to the mat. Double Decker places a foot on top of the chest of Ruiz. Kevin Clady jumps down and begins to count.
ONE
TWO
RUIZ GETS A FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE.
Howley: Why would the Colombian want this to continue?
Moss: Spaniard. He’s from Spain.
Howley: Whatever, either way he’s an idiot.
Ruiz rolls out of the ring and to the floor. Holding his chest and stumbling to keep himself upright. Double Decker paces in the ring as the ref begins the count of Ruiz.
Moss: If Ruiz doesn’t get into the ring, he’s risking getting counted out.
Howley: Yeah and that would be the smartest thing he could do right now. The dumbest? Getting back into the ring.
As the ref gets to the eight count Double Decker begins to get frustrated and asks for the ref to stop, and holds the ropes open for his opponent. Ruiz waves him away and slides in under the bottom rope. Double Decker nods approvingly as Ruiz takes a deep breath and nods back at Double Decker. Ruiz goes for a chop to the big man. Double Decker is unfazed by the blow. Double Decker begs for another one. Ruiz obliges and with a loud crack Ruiz shakes his arm out as Double Decker shakes his head. Ruiz let off a flurry of four consecutive chops. Double Decker is taken aback for a second before grabbing Ruiz and squeezing the air out of the smaller man.
Howley: This is going to get uglier before it gets pretty.
Moss: I think you might be right.
Double Decker spreads his arms wide and with the force of all his might crushes Ruiz’s head. Ruiz stumbles backwards, and wobbles unfortunately into one of the corners. Double Decker shakes his head disappointingly and heads towards the opposite corner. One more stomp of the mat and Double Decker is rushing towards the corner.
Howley: This one is academic.
As Double Decker approaches Ruiz, the Spaniard falls to the ground and grabs the top rope with him. Double Decker goes crashing down to the floor. Double Decker doesn’t seem to be moving, as the Ref begins to count the big man out.
ONE
TWO
Ruiz uses the ropes to pull himself up and searches for Double Decker.
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
Double Decker begins to pull himself to his feet using the ring steps.
SIX
SEVEN
Double Decker grabs for the bottom rope to pull himself up to the apron, but is met by a boot from Ruiz.
EIGHT
NINE
Double Decker tries to grab the leg of Ruiz and does so, but is kicked in the temple by his other leg, and Double Decker loop stumbles backwards.
TEN!
Howley: WHAT!???
Moss: This is not how we thought this one was going to go.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner of this match via Count Out…. CARLOS RUIZ!
Ruiz lifts both arms into the air in victory. He can’t even believe he’s done it!
Outside the ring The Bus is frustrated, but it isn’t long before
WTT Round 1 Match: Jack Fargo vs Alex Bruder
Moss: Coming up next we’ve got our third of four first round matchups for the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP!
The docile tones of folk legend John Prine’s “Pretty Good” soft rock the arena. A single spotlight focuses on the curtain where a slightly tanned average looking dark haired muscular fella in a baby blue college style wrestling singlet, with a bronze metal painted on each side, walks calmly from the back.
It is Bronze Fargo former all American wrestler and Bronze metal winner. In his hand is a box of Wheaties with his picture on it.
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen coming to the ring first for this FIRST ROUND MATCHUP, From Plainfield, Illinois… Jack Fargo!
The crowd greets him with a mild smattering of indifference. He claps in tune to the music then raises his arms up to the crowd trying to egg them on to joining him. They basically do not, as he walks calmly to the ring. Before entering he pulls a sharpie from behind his well-groomed hair and signs the box before handing it to some little kid at ring side who seems somewhere between disinterested and confused.
Fargo does some stretching before getting ready for the contest. He waves to the crowd who are mostly getting popcorn then shakes hands with the ring announcer and ref. He talks briefly with the referee about the weather as the ref checks Fargo for weapons which the ref does not find. Bronze Fargo gives his ear a tug as a symbol of love to his wife Wendy, and newborn son Larry.
One mans music dies down and another comes on.
“All Business” Alex Bruder comes out to his music, the lights lowered and a single spotlight on him. He ignores the crowd, not returning their insults.
Robbins: And his opponent… From Hillsboro, North Dakota… He is “All Business” Alex Bruder!
He enters via the stairs, wipes his boots on the apron, and goes to his corner, pulling against the top ropes, a mixture of last minute stretching and testing the rope’s tension.
As the bell rings both men carefully circle one another. Fargo extends a hand for a shake. Bruder reaches his hand out to accept it but quickly pulls it away and taunts Fargo, as the crowd begins to jeer loudly. Undaunted by the blatant display of disrespect Fargo raises a hand up in a test of strength. Bruder sees this and shakes his head. Fargo waves his hand, as Bruder eventually relents and raises his hand to meet Fargo’s.
The two men’s hands wave in the air and as they each get their grip, Fargo grabs control and takes Bruder down to a knee. Chip quickly jumps in to check Bruder, he wails in pain but doesn’t give in. Bruder fights his way back up to a solid base, but Fargo once again begins to take advantage. Bruder, sensing the tides turning again, boots Fargo in the gut. Fargo doesn’t let go and is met with another boot to the midsection.
Moss: Bruder with the big boots to the midsection, looking to create some space.
Howley: Fargo has been in complete control…. and it doesn’t look like he’s going to give it up anytime soon.
Frago grabs Bruder by the hair and reaches back for a wild haymaker. Bruder ducks under the wild blow, and with a quick thumb to Fargo’s eye is quickly reprimanded by Chip. Bruder argues with Chip while Fargo rubs his eye, noticing the distraction Bruder shoves the ref aside and runs towards Fargo. At the last second Fargo drops down to his belly as Bruder leaps over him and rebounds back. Fargo hops to his feet and then leaps over Bruder as he ducks under the leaping Fargo. Bruder once again rebounds and Fargo goes for a hip toss, but Bruder floats over and hip tosses Fargo hard to the mat, and goes for the cover. Chip slides into position and checks the shoulders.
ONE
TWO
KICKOUT
Howley: Clearly the ref is blind! Fargo’s shoulder was still down.
Moss: I Don’t think so, and that’s why this match will continue on.
Bruder pounds the mat, and is quickly in the ref’s face, smacking his hands. Fargo gets into position and grabs Bruder by the inner thigh, and drags Bruder to the mat. Chip leaps to the mat.
ONE.
Kickout.
Fargo gets to his feet and locks in a sleeper hold, but is quickly met by an elbow. Then another as Fargo releases, and is met by a discus clothesline. Bruder takes advantage and runs the ropes, and leaps high into the air for a devastating fist drop.
Moss: Bruder goes for it!
Howley: No! Darn it he missed!
Fargo rolls out of the way at the last possible second, as Bruder’s fist slams hard into the mat echoing through the studio. Shaking his hand in pain, Bruder is met by a right hand from Fargo. The two men exchange blows back and forth, with Fargo getting the upper hand. Fargo reaches back, as Bruder feigns going for another eye poke, Fargo blocks his face.
Moss: Fargo isn’t going to fall for that a second time!
Bruder stops before the block and punches Fargo in the sternum. As Fargo grasps his chest Bruder pulls his head in and nails him with a forearm to the side of the face. Bruder runs towards the ropes and back towards Fargo. Again Fargo leaps over Bruder, but Bruder stops and waits for Fargo to land on the mat, before dropping down and grabbing Fargo by the thigh and rolling him up. Chip slides into position and checks the shoulders.
ONE
TWO.
Bruder grabs the tights of Fargo.
THREE!
Moss: Bruder had a hold of the tights! Surely this won’t stand!
Howley: What Chip doesn’t see, doesn’t hurt him. A well earned victory for Alex Bruder.
The Bell rings loudly and the fans boo.
Harold Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner of this match ALEX BRUDER!
Alex holds one hand on his head but otherwise looks happy with the result!
“Money” by KMFDM plays through the arena.
Moss: Bruder is moving on to the next round!
TWISTED STEEL
The scene fades in to reveal a massive weight room, with the Classic Wrestling Logo along the back wall, filled with floor to ceiling with mirrors and weight tree stacks.
A slightly portly middle-aged businessman in a suit and slicked back hair enters the shot. He flashes a malevolent, arrogant grin as he stares into the camera.
Titus: My name is Titus Fuchs, but you should already know that. In the world of professional wrestling I’m a renowned administrator and more importantly The Manager of Stars. Ask around and you’ll discover that the smart marks know my name well. Today it’s your absolute fortune to be introduced to the future of tag team wrestling!
As the words escape his lips two muscular titans, complete with heads shaved in various stages of mohawk cuts and colorful face paint, stride audaciously into view, flanking Titus Fuchs.
Titus: Ladies and gentlemen of Classic Wrestling, you didn’t know until you set your eyes on their glory how badly you wanted to see these merchants of destruction! You didn’t know you would be witness to the most dominant tag team to grace the world of professional wrestling! You didn’t know people could actually look like PAIN and SUFFERING!
I present to you, the team of Smashmouth and Breakneck… TWISTED STEEL!
With his chest pecs flexing and pulsing Smashmouth steps up to the camera and grunts.
Smashmouth: WELLLLLLLL, you know Titus… my brother Breakneck and I, we have been sitting in the back and listening to “the boys” and to the talking heads, hearing “he’s CUT” this and “He’s TONED” that! Let me tell you all something right here, right now. BEING CUT IS FOR KIDS… MASS IS FOR MEN! REAL MEN!
Smashmouth reaches across and slaps his brother “The Meanest Man Alive” on the shoulder, prompting Breakneck to scowl and flex so hard that he snaps the dog collar from around his neck.
Breakneck: SWELLING OF THE BRAIN! CONTUSIONS! INTERNAL BLEEDING! AWWWWW YEAH! These are the things that OUR dreams are made of!
The spittle flies from Breakneck’s mouth with every word.
Smashmouth: YOU SAID IT BREAK! CLASSIC WRESTLING YOU HAVE A MAJOR PROBLEM!
He glances at Breakneck, then looks back to the camera.
Smashmouth: MAKE THAT TWO MAJOR PROBLEMS!
Breakneck: TWISTED STEEL IS GOING TO PUT YOUR WISHBONE WHERE YOUR BACKBONE SHOULD BE!! TELL ‘EM SMASH!
Smashmouth: WE’RE BRINGING A PINE BOX AND 6 FEET OF HURT TO YOU BOYS!
Titus chuckles before he speaks.
Titus: You’re all going to find out what we’re about soon enough, but I want to get a message to a few guys that I’ve seen in Rich K. Hunt and Freddy Chedda. Gentlemen, wrestling is a sport of opportunists! You both may very well be the cream of the crop, the Blue Chipper, but on top of that cream, there is always some scum… and that scum….. that scum is Twisted Steel! If you’re looking for the baddest men on the planet? We ARE for Hire. Tell ‘em Breakneck!
Breakneck: WELLLLLLLLL TITUS! WE SAY WE’RE GOING TO DO BAD THINGS… AND THEN WE ACTUALLY DO THEM!
Smashmouth: WOOF! I HEARD THAT YACHT SNIFFER RICH K. HUNT SLAPS LIKE A GIRL! THAT’S OK, BECAUSE WE SLAP GIRLS TOO! TELL ‘EM BREAK!
Breakneck: WELCOME TO SLUG CITY! POPULATION YOU!
Breakneck rears back and slugs Smashmouth in the face. The shot staggers “The Buzzsaw” backward and he responds by simply shaking his head like a cartoon character who has just been flattened.
Smashmouth lets out a roar and grins from ear to ear, revealing that just maybe the elevator doesn’t go all the way up to the top floor. Do you think that makes him less dangerous, or more?
Titus: Here’s the deal Classic Wrestling… Twisted Steel is looking for a fight, but it seems like they’re the only ones… so until somebody grows a pair, Smashmouth is ready to take on any singles wrestler that makes the mistake of getting in the ring with him.
Breakneck: WE WILL PUNCH YOUR MOUTHS! SOMETIMES WITH OUR FISTS! AND WE EAT PURPLE! TELL EM’ SMASH!
Smashmouth: YOU HEARD MY BROTHER! LET ME TELL YOU WEASEL-NECKED GEEKS SOMETHINGS! SCAFFOLDS, 6 MANS, BUNKHOUSE STAMPEDES! IT DOESN’T MATTER!! WE GET OUT OF BED READY TO BEAT PEOPLE UP! HURTING PEOPLE IS OUR HOBBY! WE’LL HURT YOUR MOM! WE’LL HURT YOUR DAD! WHEREVER WE GO, WE’RE THE BEST AT MAKING PEOPLE CRY!
The power chords of Dokken’s INTO THE FIRE blast as the scene fades out.
WTT Round 1 Match: Shujin Yama vs Rich K Hunt
Cut to ringside.
Moss: Alright ladies and gentlemen it’s time for our main event of the Evening and to find out who’s moving on in the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP Tournament!
Howley: We don’t know what kind of shape Shujin Yama is in, but we’re about to find out!
Moss: Was the attack by Lord Colossus enough? Rich K Hunt is about to find out!
The crowd begins to boo as the opening for Barret Strong’s ‘Money (That’s what I want)’ begins to play through the speakers. The boo’s get louder as THE Rich K. Hunt steps out from behind the curtain wearing his douchiest of grins.
Robbins: Coming to the ring first for our final FIRST ROUND MATCH of the evening! Hailing from Manchester, England. He is THE RICH K HUNT!
He stands there for a moment, looking around at the crowd before raising his arms in the air. When he does so, thousands of fake dollar bills begin to reign down from the ceiling.
As the fans try to grab the fake dollar bills, he makes his way to the ring knowing the disappointment they were going to feel when they realize it’s not real money.
Moss: Of course Hunt put the Bounty out looking for someone’s help tonight with Shujin Yama! Lord Colossus answered the call, and attacked Shujin Yama earlier tonight with a chair!
The Japanese National anthem begins playing as Sensei Abe Lincoln steps out onto the stage waving a Japanese flag.
Shujin Yama follows behind, in a sparkly white robe bedazzled in red diamantes. He limps a little as he walks. Clearly favoring his lower back. They march down to the ring, Yama paying no attention to the crowd while Sensei Lincoln laughs and taunts them.
Robbins: And his opponent… weighing in at 469 lbs…. From Main Street USA! This is SHUJIN YAMA!
Arriving to the ring, Sensei Lincoln walks up the steps and holds the middle rope down for Yama to step through. He bows in the centre of the ring, as Sensei Lincoln unhooks Yama’s robe.
Once freed, he raises his left leg and drops into a dramatic sumo pose while shouting something incomprehensible to both English- and Japanese-speaking audiences. He stares daggers through Rich K Hunt as the match gets underway.
The Bell rings.
Shujin steps towards Hunt right away but Rich is quick to stick his head through the ropes and pull the referee between them. Yama backs up a couple steps as Hunt enters the ring once more. Shujin steps towards him again and this time he dips all the way to the ring floor to avoid the sumo wrestler. Pointing to his head Rich implies he’s the smartest man in the room. Yama uses his height to reach over the top rope and grap Hunt by the hair and pull him back onto the ring apron. A panicked Hunt flails wildly, only to have Yama pull him over the top rope and back into the ring.
Moss: What an incredible display of strength!
Howley: A angry man can do amazing things, he’s just gotta keep his emotions in check Moss.
Yama body slams Hunt to the mat, before picking him up and slamming him again.
Moss: One more for extra measure.
Howley: Yea but look at him Patrick, each slam is taking it out of the big man too.
Indeed Yama holds his back and grimaces after the second slam, Results of the chair shot.
Much to the delight of Sensei Abe Lincoln, Yama takes control of the match for several minutes, running Hunt through each turnbuckle post and working on the chest and back of Hunt. Yama seems to slow down after the onslaught.
Shujin slaps on a bearhug, and he’s in the middle of the ring.
Howley: Hunt can’t get to the ropes here what’s he going to do!? There’s no way he’s moving Big Yama.
Moss: I love it when you call him Big Yama!
Howley: Where did they find you Moss….
The official asks Hunt if he wants to give in. He shakes his head wildly. Finally he has it. He pokes Yama in the eyes with two fingers. The big man lets go and reaches for his face. He’s temporarily blinded.The referee threatens disqualification if Hunt does it again. He feigns innocence.
Moss: He just eyepoked him!
Howley: This isn’t just for survival, this is for the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP!
Big dropkick from Rich K Hunt takes Yama off his feat for the first time. The ring shakes on impact. The crowd wows at the movement. Of course Rich thinks they are wowwing at him and takes a bow.
He moves to the second rope and comes off with a forward elbow drop that lands flush against the face of Yama. He stands up confidently and calls for the end!
Rich K Hunt: YAMA… YOUR MARKET IS ABOUT TO CRASH!
Shujin Yama is slowly getting up, Rich moves in to help him up faster. Meanwhile the curtain opens and a large looming figure comes walking towards the ring.
Moss: Who is this!?
Howley: IT’S LORD COLOSSUS!
He marches over to the ring and slams a fist down on the apron. Hunt turns and almost lets out a scream. Colossus rubs two of his fingers together.
Howley: He’s here to collect on the bounty that Rich K Hunt put forward earlier this week Moss!
Rich K Hunt: THE DEAL IS WHEN I WIN YOU IDIOT!
Lord Colossus now pulls himself to the ring apron and steps over the top rope.
The official gets in his way and tries to throw him out. Colossus looks down at him from his 7’0 frame. The official second guesses his decision and gets the hell out of dodge.
Hunt is backing down as Colossus comes at him. Suddenly we hear a familiar sound that stops Colossus in his tracks. The slap and drag of steel chains on the floor. From the entrance way comes King Kong Frank swinging the chain wildly and running full speed for the ring. The fans in the arena cheer loud for King Kong as he hits his slide. He stands up and swings the chain as wide as he can as he spins in a circle as well. When he comes to a stop he finds hes all alone in the ring and everyone else has bailed outside. The fans in the Studio erupt! Frank looks around each way and then sees Colossus watching him on the outside. Frank takes off after him!
Howley: Looks like Colossus is out of here! He wants no part of King Kong Frank and the business end of that chain!
Moss: The official is letting the match continue since no one was actually struck!
Outside the ring Hunt and Yama meet and Yama uses all his power to push Hunt through the air and lands hard on the conrete outside the ring. Yama walks over to him, Rolls him into the ring, before climbing to the second rope himself.
Howley: WATCH OUT HUNT!
SPLAT! Shujin Yama lands the banzai drop on Rich K Hunt square in the chest. The referee slides into position and makes the count.
ONE…
TWO…
THREEEE!
The bell rings!
Howley: He didn’t watch out fast enough Moss!
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen here is your winner by pinfall… SHUJIN YAMA!
The Japanese national anthem starts playing in the arena. Sensei Abe Lincoln gets in the ring and celebrates with Yama who doesn’t want any part of the referee himself.
Hunt rolls to the floor holding his chest.
We cut to the commentary team.
Moss: Ladies and Gentlemen what a night we had! We now know that in a few short weeks were going to see… “All Business” Alex Bruder vs “Metro” Vito Valentino in Round 2!
Howley: Don’t forget Moss! We’re also going to see Johnny Saint Nelson vs the winner we JUST saw Shujin Yama in Round 2 also!
Moss: Catch us next week as we finish off the first round with FOUR MORE GREAT MATCHUPS! This has been Classic Wrestling Television on RBTV!
Fade.