We open to a music video. Horns blare in the background, enshrining this special occasion. Images fly in one by one as the voiceover of Otto Price takes hold on your psyche.
Vito Valentino holding his REAL Worlds Championship alongside an image of a very angry and menacing Shujin Yama
Otto Price: CLASSIC WRESTLING REAL WORLDS CHAMPION VITO VALENTINO… VERSUS THE IMMOVABLE, THE ALMIGHTY, SHUJIN YAMA! FINALLY MEET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CLASSIC RING!
The images fly out and in come shots of “All Business” Alex Bruder and his opponent this evening with Steel Bars covering them.
Price: “ALL BUSINESS” ALEX BRUDER LOOKS TO SLAM THE DOOR SHUT ON “FERAL” FREDDY KILGORE! BUT WILL THE MAN FROM THE WILDSIDE REIGN SUPREME?
The horns blare and the exciting music continues as we preview our tag team matchup next.
Price: REPOSSESSED MADE THE TAG TEAM CHANCES OF BOBBY DEAN AND KING KONG FRANK DISAPPEAR! NOW THEY GO UP AGAINST THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, THE AMAZING AMARETTOS WITH ALL THE GOLD ON THE LINE!
Next we see the wild eyes of King Kong Frank and the Beautiful one himself.
Price: KING KONG FRANK DEFENDS HIS PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP AGAINST “BEAUTIFUL” BOBBY DEAN IN A VERY UNIQUE MATCHUP!
Then we revert to the CLASSICMANIA logo that’s filled our screen all too often the past several weeks.
Price: IT’S CLASSICMANIA! AND IT STARTS RIGHT NOW!
The montage ends and we’re treated to 17,000 screaming fans inside the arena. The camera fades into our commentary team of Patrick Moss and Joel “Thunderbird” Howley.
Moss: Welcome everyone to ClassicMania, I’m Patrick Moss and I’m joined as always by the Thunderbird! How are we doing Joel?
Howley: Maybe one day you’ll be lucky enough to find out, Moss! It’s ClassicMania day and I am HYPE for all the action tonight!
Moss: What a night it’s going to be, we have 8 big matchups for you this evening! It’s going to be a great night of wrestling action and some big stakes on the line as well.
Howley: You’re not kidding Moss! EVERY. SINGLE. TITLE. is on the line tonight! We’re almost guaranteed at least one new champion!
Moss: Nothing’s guaranteed until they get their hands raised Thunderbird! Before we get to that however we have a very special guest here tonight to sing our National Anthem… Let’s kick it back to Otto whos in the ring.
We see Otto in his tuxedo, primed and ready.
Price: Ladies and Gentlemen, Here to sing our National Anthem, The star of the hit television shows like Dallas, Step by Step, and so many more… Please welcome… PATRICK DUFFY!
The prized actor steps through the ropes to a standing round of applause. He brings the microphone to his lips and waves before starting the beautiful rendition.
Duffy: Ohhhhh say can you seee…By the dawn’s early light…
Jay Evans vs Randall Schwartz
We cut to ringside, where we see Harold Robbins and referee Spencer Fuller ready to go before we cut to commentary.
Moss: Well folks, we’re kicking off ClassicMania with a curious opening contest as Jay Evans takes on Randall Schwartz. This match was set after a sneak attack by Randall on Evans the last time we were in the Studio!
Howley: Evans started talking about leaving the business if he lost at ClassicMania, but Randall was recently heard saying that the young talent was just getting started. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but it seems Randall looks to make an example out of Jay in the Motor City!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s opening contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
“March and Fanfare” plays, sending the crowd into a big chorus of jeers as Randall Schwartz makes his way to the ring, flanked by a pair of local security guards as he taunts the crowd, threatening to sue anyone who touches him before he approaches the ring.
Robbins: Coming down to the ring from Hollywood, weighing in at 176 pounds, he is The Entertainer…RANDAAAAALL SCHWAAAAAARRRRRTZ!
Randall enters the ring, glaring down the entrance way as he tries to egg Jay Evans on while waiting for him to make his entrance.
Moss: Randall’s looking roarin’ and ready to go here tonight as he takes on Jay Evans!
Howley: I don’t blame him, Pat! Man is ready to get things underway, and perhaps more importantly, to be done as quickly as possible!
Robbins: And introducing, his opponent…
“California Love” plays through the sound system, bringing a good chunk of the fans to their feet for Jay Evans as he makes his way out, showing a sense of appreciation for the support being given to him as he approaches the ring.
Robbins: Coming to the ring from Shreveport, Louisiana, weighing in at…
Robbins is interrupted as Randall rushes past him, hightailing it out of the ring and making a beeline for the approaching Evans! Randall catches the rookie with a wide right hand and things quickly turn into a brawl which quickly gets dangerously close to the time keeper’s table at ringside!
Moss: What in the world!?
Howley: See? Randall ain’t waiting too long, he wants to get this going NOW!
The brawl eventually gets broken up by some officials, forcing the pair to get back in the ring as Fuller calls for the opening bell!
With the bell rung to kick things off, Randall immediately springs back on the attack with some hard right hands on Evans, sending the rookie reeling toward the ropes. Randall goes for a clothesline, but Jay ducks under…and uses his momentum to send himself flying at the Entertainer with a cross body! The crowd cheers as Jay brings Randall back to his feet, sending him to the ropes…and connecting with a lovely dropkick on the rebound! Jay is feeling very eager after that, and goes for the cover as Fuller makes the count!
Moss: Oh wow, Randall kicked out pretty strong on that one!
Howley: It’s gonna take a lot more than that to take the Entertainer down, Pat!
Randall quickly gets back to his feet, as Jay looks to send him back to the ropes once again…but this time, Randall reverses it with an Irish whip of his own! To make matters worse for Evans, Randall connects with a clothesline, followed by a series of stomps to the midsection for good measure. The crowd jeers the Entertainer this, something he takes great delight in as he stops what he’s doing to taunt the crowd. Randall turns his attention back to the rookie as he looks to go back on the attack…but Jay manages to roll him up with a small package! Fuller makes the count!
Randall manages to kick out in the nick of time, both shocked and angry at what Jay nearly pulled off there as the rookie gets back to his feet to some cheers from the crowd. The two start trading punches, causing Fuller to speak up at the use of closed fists…but Randall doesn’t seem to care, and his attacks only seem to get worse from here! He goes for a full-fledged assault on the rookie, really laying the kicks and punches in heavy as Fuller admonishes him…only to be shoved away for his troubles!
Moss: What is Randall doing, Thunderbird? Is he out of his mind!?
Howley: This isn’t the first time we’ve seen Schwartz lose his temper…and to be honest Pat, I think this is the example he was looking to make out of Jay Evans!
Jay starts to fight back, but Randall refuses to let up. Fuller shouts at the Entertainer to cut it out or he will be disqualified…and Randall yells in response, “Disqualify me, then!” Fuller is taken aback by this…and obliges, calling for the bell!
DING! DING! DING!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner via disqualification…JAAAAY EVANNNNNS!
Randall pays no mind to this as he continues the attack, until officials come out to break things up! They grab the Entertainer by the arms, pulling him away from Evans and leading him out of the ring as medical staff check on the rookie before we cut back to commentary.
Moss: What an absolutely disgusting display here from Randall Schwartz, getting himself disqualified with an unnecessary attack on Jay Evans that got out of hand fast!
Howley: Randall seemed more intent on causing some major damage on the rookie than on actually winning this match…and I gotta feeling the brass will NOT be pleased about what went down here tonight!
Moss: In all the chaos we saw unfold here, it cannot be understated that Jay Evans has managed to pick up his first win in Classic Wrestling, which even under these circumstances is a big deal for him as he tries to prove himself in this business!
Officials can be seen helping Evans back to his feet, much to the delight of the crowd who cheer for the rookie as we cut away from ringside!
Undercover Lover vs SGT Justice vs Lunchbox Larry
Robbins: The following match is for the Number one Contendership to the Premier American Championship.
♫ “Bad Boys” by Inner Circle ♫
Blue and red police-style light bars flash to life on either side of the entryway as Sgt. Justice calmly steps through the curtain, his silver, mirrored aviators glistening in contrast to his dark blue uniform that still sports LAPD shoulder flashes. He sharply comes to attention facing an American flag hanging from the rafters and stiffly salutes it, the crowd responding with a cheer before Sgt. Justice walks with purpose to the ring, up the steps, and through the ropes, waving to the crowd before retreating to his corner and removing his hat and glasses, setting them neatly under the bottom turnbuckle and allowing the referee to check him over.
Robbins: Introducing first he is SARGENT JUSTICE!
“Beat It” begins to play over the PA system as Lunchbox Larry comes out from the back, to a cheering audience. He high fives a few fans in the front row along the stage and heads towards the ring. He climbs the stairs swiftly and gets into the ring. The ref walks over and begins to check him over.
Robbins: Introducing second he is LUNCHBOX LARRY!
“Hello It’s Me” plays as the lights begin to flicker pink and white. Undercover Lover pops out from the back and stands tall at the top of the ramp. Much to the chagrin of the crowd. A smile peeks out from his mask as he walks down the ramp, only paying attention to the ladies that are at ringside, and ignoring the other fans. As he gets to the ring he doesn’t pay any attention to his opponents and stays locked in on the ladies in the crowd, even as the Ref checks him for foreign objects.
Robbins: And the final participant is… UNDERCOVER LOVER!!!!
Moss: This match will determine who will take on the Winner of King Kong Frank and Bobby Dean at a future date for the Premier American Title.
Howley: I can tell you right now that all three of these men are going to take this seriously .
Moss: We can sure hope so…
Larry, Sargent and Lover are all in the ring bouncing up and down waiting for the bell to ring.
Howley: And there’s the bell.
As soon as it sounds Sargent and Larry bolt for one another. Trading wild blows in a flurry. Lover confusedly looks between the two men and simply shrugs and rolls under the bottom rope leaving both men fighting in the middle of the ring.
Moss: What is Lover doing?
Howley: Scouting the local talent I presume.
Moss: He’s in a match right now.
Howley: I’m sure he is aware of it, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Moss: What does that mean?
Howley: You see when a ring rat….
Moss: Please stop talking.
Lover saunters around the outside of the ring, playing with a few fans at ringside. Every so often looking into the ring to make sure nothing out of the ordinary is happening. The Sarge takes control over Larry and whips him hard into the corner, as Larry bounces off and is met by a huge back body drop. Sarge begins to stomp away at Larry while shouting at Lover to get into the ring. Lover simply waves him away as a lady on the front row has caught his attention.
Moss: Look Sarge is getting frustrated by his lack of involvement.
Howley: Or maybe he’s just jealous he’s talking to hot babes.
Moss: I highly doubt that.
Larry is able to block a few of the stomps and grabs ahold of Sarge’s boot and drags him down to the mat by the knee. Larry gets to his feet and stomps in the gut of Sarge. He also looks towards Lover and tries to get his attention. Lover glances over his shoulder and shakes his head.
Howley: Look at the grace of Lover.
Moss: Thinking with the wrong head.
Howley: Now you’re getting it.
Moss: THERE’S LITERALLY A MATCH GOING ON!
Howley: No need to yell.
Moss: *Despondent Sigh*
Larry continues to stomp on Sarge and pulls him to his feet. And locks in a deep side headlock. Sarge’s arm flails around reaching for anything. Then Sarge wraps his arms around the waist of Larry and lifts him up and slams him down with a side suplex. Sarge goes for a cover.
Moss: A great move by Sarge.
Howley: Larry kicks out at one.
Moss: It’s going to take more than that.
Lover pauses for a moment and once he sees that the count was broken he went back to the lady in the front row, but now has taken up residence on the timekeeper’s table that is ringside. He is now sprawled out on top of it. Laying down propping his head up without a care in the world.
Howley: Why is that so close to the ring?
Moss: I don’t know.
Howley: Someone could get seriously injured.
Moss: Best not to think about it.
Meanwhile in the ring Sarge has taken a mounted position and is raining down lefts and rights to Larry.
Moss: Talk about a picture. Two men fighting each other, and one fighting his pants.
Howley: Just as god had intended!
Moss: You’re unbelievable.
Suddenly Sarge stops and looks over towards Lover. Then he smacks the face of Larry a few times and forces him to look as well. The two men speak quietly for a moment before both getting to their feet. A quick handshake as both men approach Lover, who is still laying on the table. The fans around him point behind him but he waves them off.
Moss: It looks like Sarge and Larry have come to a truce, as both men are fed up with Lover!
Howley: That’s cheating! It cannot be allowed!
Moss: Well it is happening and Lover is none the wiser!
Sarge reaches over the top rope and grabs Lover by the top of his mask and begins to pull him up. Lover is shocked and tries to keep his mask on but Larry joins into the fray grabbing Lover as well. Both men easily lift Lover onto the apron. Larry spins Lover around and holds him in place, as Sarge runs the ropes quickly and goes for a massive lariat.
Howley: Get out of there Lover! This is an abomination!
Moss: He gets what he deserves!
Lover is able to break free at the last second and ducks down, causing Sarge to level Larry to the mat. Sarge looks at the fallen Larry for a brief second, when he turns to Lover he is met by a thumb in the eye. Lover reaches over the top rope and pulls Sarge close and jumps up on the apron and brings Sarge’s neck down over the top rope. Lover sits on the apron, feet on top of the table and wipes his hands clean.
Moss: Lover manages to escape that predicament.
Howley: Thinking with two heads will always be the right move.
Lover rolls under the ropes and into the ring. Both of his opponents are down on the mat. Lover picks up Larry and set him in the corner and drives a shoulder into his midsection. Lover checks on Sarge before lifting Larry to a seated position on the top turnbuckle. Lover climbs to the middle rope and throws a few punches at Larry.
Moss: Lover is looking to take this one high risk.
Howley: High reward!
Lover grabs Larry by the waist, but forgot to check on Sarge. Who is now on his feet and grabs Lover from behind and pulls him off of Larry. Sarge attempts a belly to back suplex as Larry shakes the cobwebs out. Sarge doesn’t notice what happens to Lover.
Moss: LOOK AT LOVER!
Howely: LOOK AT LARRY!
Lover lands on his feet and stumbles back into the opposite corner. Larry leaps from the middle rope.
Moss: KNUCKLE SANDWICH! FLUSH ON THE SARGE!
Larry lands the move and stays on his feet, but before he has any time to celebrate, Lover swoops in and locks Larry into a hammerlock. Lover blows him a quick kiss with his free hand….
Howley: THE HEART STOPPER!
Lover looks down at both men and drags Larry on top of Sarge in a very precarious position.
Moss: This is a FAMILY SHOW!
Howley: They are going to learn it one way or another.
Lover stacked both men and pins them in the middle of the ring, much to the dismay of the raucous crowd booing him louder than ever.
Robbins: The winner of this match, and number one contender for the PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP…. UNDERCOVER LOVER!!!
A bright “Earlier Today” lights up the corner of the screen, where “Big” Joe Geoue is outside of the recently renovated Joe Louis Arena, scurrying as fast as he can to catch up with a dark haired man in a too tight maroon t-shirt, who is intently ignoring him.
Geoue: Alex Bruder, Alex Bruder! Can we get a word with you?
WIth a sigh, “All Business” Alex Bruder turns to face the the persistent “Big” Joe, and glances in a way that suggests that he has more pressing issues.
Geoue: Tonight, you’re facing “Feral” Freddy Kilgore inside of a 15 foot tall steel cage. Do you have any concerns about your match tonight?
Bruder doesn’t wait to respond.
Bruder: Concerns? I’m stepping inside of a steel cage with a wild man, so yeah, I have a few concerns. I’m concerned that after I give Kilgore the beating he’s been begging for, I’m going to have a hard time finding opponents willing to step in the ring with me. I’m concerned about how I’m going to spend the winner’s share of the purse, after I put him down like the dog he is. And I’m concerned that when I’m walking back to the locker room, my head held high while my music is playing, that I won’t be able to hear it over the wailing of every snot nosed “Wild Heart” in the Joe Louis Arena, distraught at the damage I’ve done to their hero..
Bruder pauses, smiles, and pats “Big” Joe on the shoulder. It’s supposed to look friendly. It doesn’t.
Bruder: But mostly, after how “Feral” Freddy Kilgore has hunted me, tracked me, and attacked me for weeks…I’m concerned that I only get to do this to him once.
Alex sneers, and then walks away.
Lord Colossus vs Chick Grillbreast
The lights dim.
The sounds of thunder crash through the arena as the lights blare bright white in imitation of lightning. The opening riff of Motorhead’s Ace of Spades plays, but instead of going into Lemmy and the perils of gambling with dangerous men, it settles into a lock groove.
Robbins: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, making his way to the ring first. Weighing in at 350 pounds… Hailing from The Void… THIS IS LORD COLOSSUS!
Walt Whezl is the first one out from behind the curtain, done up to the nines for the pay per view, Twirling his umbrella, and capering, Huginn and Munnin come out, with large chains attached to halters, they strain as they pull a raised dais out from behind the curtain, upon which a looming, nearly seven-foot-tall monstrosity stands. Hooded in an Executioner mask, and wearing a full-body draping cloak of a black so dark, it casts no shadow, the heft and density of Lord Colossus upon the dais is giving Huginn and Muninn some trouble as they pull the behemoth towards the ring. Upon reaching the end of the walkway to the ring, the trio stops. Whereupon Lord Colossus steps down from the dais, shrinking quite a bit!
Moss: We are being led to believe that this man is nearly seven feet tall and three-hundred and fifty POUNDS. I just don’t see it!
Howley: Don’t judge a book by it’s cover Moss!
Whezl cackles evilly while unhooking Huginn and Muninn from the dais removed by ringside help. While this is going on Lord Colossus has entered the ring between the middle and top rope, his cloak dragging behind him. He has moved to his corner, throwing open his cloak revealing his girthing rotund figure. And substantial boot lifts.
Howley: I’m starting to believe you might be right for once…
Moss: For once!? Either way it’s hard to believe that is Lord Colossus!
“Jungle Work” by Warren Zevon hits the PA system and the fans boo towards the entranceway.
Steam shoots up from both sides of the entrance in an impressive display. The fans in the area move away.
Robbins: And his opponent… Weighing in at 330 Pounds, Hailing from Springfield, Missouri.. THIS IS “ALL-NATURAL” CHICK GRILLBREAST!
Chick bursts through the curtain, as his muscles try to burst his skin! He looks towards the ring, and begins flapping his jaws as soon as he thinks anyone can hear him. His pointer finger leads the way as he starts jabbing it towards his opponent. A confused glance as he sees the body shape of Colossus but it doesn’t last long.
Moss: I don’t think he cares at this point Thunderbird! Chick is here to hurt someone!
Chick slides into the ring and the referee has to get in between the two big men. Grillbreast flexes towards LC and yells as his muscles and veins bulge. After turning red, frothing at the mouth, and having a need to generally breathe, Chick moves to his corner.
The bell rings and Felipe Chicoda moves out of the way. They both move towards the center of the ring, and they lock up.
Moss: Very traditional start between these two!
Chick half turns and tosses the chubby man across the ring. He skids before coming to a stop.
Howley: He stole that move from me! Did you see that?
Moss: You mean how he picked up a man much heavier than he and tossed him like a child?
Howley: Well when you say it like THAT…
Chick follows up by picking the man back up to his feet and whipping him off the ropes. When he comes back Grillbreast nearly clotheslines his head off. Grillbreast grabs one of his legs and that’s when he gets a good look at the boots.
Moss: Oh no.
Howley: Moss please tell me he’s not wearing…
Moss: Platform boots. They have to be four inch boosters!
Grillbreast wraps the leg around his own and begins to pull on it. The big man yells out and tries to reach for the ropes but isn’t close enough. When Grillbreast has him where he wants him, he flexes his quads to apply extra pressure. Felipe gets in position to ask if the big man wants to submit but he just keeps yelling towards Walt Whezl.
Huginn and Muninn jump up on the apron, but Chick breaks the hold and double clotheslines the duo. They fall back to the floor simultaneously.
Howley: Like a couple of bowling pins.
Felipe chastises both men from the ring. Before Chick can turn around he’s clubbed in the back by his opponent. Colossus adjusts his hood and continues an assault on the All Natural athlete. He picks up and body slams Chick, He moves to the corner, takes two steps out and drops a falling headbutt against Chick.
Both men reach for their respective noggins. Colossus is up first and grabs an arm wrench. He spins underneath it to apply more pressure. Pointing to his hood to signify how smart he is, he isn’t looking at Chicks face. If he were, he’d see that he’s having no affect on him whatsoever. Chick looks bored in fact. Chick untwists his arm which in turn flips over Lord Colossus.
Moss: Apparently what headbutts are to samoan wrestlers, armbars are to Chick! The move barely affecting him.
Howley: I’d say it only ticked him off more!
Grillbreast picks up the behemoth of girth but LC breaks it on the way up and lands a huge right. Lord Colossus reaches out and grabs Chick Grillbreast by the neck.
Moss: He’s going for the chokeslam!
Howley: Bold strategy Moss!
Chick slaps his hand down, boots him in the gut and hooks him for a gutwrench suplex.
Howley: Pfft… He can’t do it. He WON’T do it.
Moss: He’s going to give it a shot!
Grillbreast takes a deep breath and pulls with everything he’s got. He picks up the 400 plus pounder and slams him down on his back.
Howley: HOW DID HE…
Moss: Very impressive display of strength! I can’t believe he was able to do that so easily… Might have a man like you a little jealous!
Howley: JEALOUS!? I’m not jealous!
Moss: You’re literally lifting a free weight right now!
Howley: AM NOT!
Moss: Lord Colossus gets back up off the ground. Chicks got him in his sights!
Grillbreast spins and rocks Lord Colossus in the back of the head with a Lariat.
Moss: SHAKER CUP! That’s gotta be it!
Grillbreast goes for the cover.
The bell rings and Chick moves off of LC. “Jungle Work” starts up on the PA system once again. Grillbreast flexes over his opponent until his body starts turning red and shaking once more.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen your winner by pinfall… CHICK GRILLBREAST!
Moss: Big win at the biggest show of them all for Chick Grillbreast! One that might leave us with more questions than answers.
Howley: I need to call my nutritionist.
The Bolts wait for Chick to leave the ring before they hop in to help up Lord Colossus
Very Few People Were Kung Fu Fighting, For Reasons We’ll Get Into
There are crowds, and then there are Classic Wrestling Pay-Per crowds. The concourse is packed, with a crowd that’s absolutely buzzing about the unbelievable ending to Lord Colossus vs. Chick Grillbreast. It’s too much to process at the moment, so for many fans, they have to power through their complex emotional reactions by voiding their bladders, or buying popcorn, and for some unfortunate vendors, doing both at the same time.
Fortunately, Ken Roddy and Joe Jitsu, Classic Wrestling’s Black Belts aren’t in that line.
Ken, in his finest day glo Vito Valentino tank tap, waits patiently as their line for Dippin’ Dots advances at a steady pace.
Roddy: What an amazing night, and we’ve only seen a few matches. If we play our cards right, next year, we’ll see The Black Belts competing at ClassicMania. But all things in time. Isn’t that right, Joe?
Joe is not as tastefully garbed as his compatriot. Sure, he has the stylish ClassicMania baseball cap, and the foam King Kong Frank chain, but his shirt…his shirt is wrong. Maybe there’s a reason it was only twelve dollars and being sold at a stand across the street, instead of from one of the reputable vendors inside the arena, or even the online Classic-Wrestling.com shop. Adorned with the names of many almost Classic Wrestling superstars, we catch glimpses of “Meteor” Vito Valentine, Duke Much Larger Than The Standard, Jay Evens and Dougie Decker.
Jitsu: Right on, Ken! This time next year, we won’t be worrying about why the ice cream of the future isn’t here in our hands right now, but fighting on the largest venue of them all…ClassicMania!
Ken slaps his friend on the back, before giving him a hard time.
Roddy: Of course, who can predict where we’ll be in a year. Why, maybe we’ll be in the main event of ClassicMania Too, fighting….
Ken leans in to read Joe’s bootleg shirt.
Roddy: …Pretend Boyfriend and Jimmy Saint Nelson?
Joe drops into a pretend fighting pose.
Jitsu: You think I can’t take them? Pretend Boyfriend would have been all tuckered out from traveling all the way from Canada! Which admittedly, isn’t that far from Detroit, but maybe ClassicMania Too will be in Hawaii! That’s so much further away! He’d be exhausted in this scenario!!!
It’s possible that Joe doesn’t need any more sugar. Ken hears some grumbling behind him, and realizes that the two had not been advancing in the queue properly, and there was now a decent gap between them and the next group before them. The Black Belts somersault forward, and spring to their feet, startling a trio of ninjas, all wearing BDSM gear, by which I clearly mean Bobby Dean t-shirts and Lunchbox Larry overalls.
Ninja 1: We would destroy you, Black Belts! But we’ve been looking forward to Mushigara vs Leon Van Zandt for weeks, and security is super strict about fights outside of the ring.
Ninja 2: *cackles evilly*
Ninja 3: I think Eddie Dante’s the best.
Roddy: Next time?
The trio consider it, and nod, before rushing away, presumably towards their seats.
Jitsu: They like Eddie Dante? Just when you thought you couldn’t think any less of someone.
Mushigahara vs Leon Van Zandt
Suddenly, the Blue Öyster Cult’s “Godzilla” begins to buzz throughout the studio, causing a hum of confusion among the ClaW faithful, until the unmistakable presence of a certain manager drives them to jeers.
Moss: And here we go, this is going to be a high-stakes match!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! And if Mushigihara wins, Leon Van Zandt must leave Classic Wrestling FOREVER! But if Leon Van Zandt wins, HE will get five minutes alone in the ring with Eddie Dante!
Mushigihara and Eddie Dante emerge from the bowels of the arena, sauntering to the ring like business as usual.
Robbins: Making his way to the ring, accompanied by Eddie Dante! From Mito, Ibaraki Prefecture, Japan… weighing in at two hundred ninety-four pounds… he is THE EMPEROR! MU! SHI! GI! HAAAAAAAAAAAA-RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
The jeers intensify, as Mushigihara climbs into the ring and looks out to the crowd, roaring out an intimidating…
The unmistakable string introduction of Dvorak’s “New World Symphony” fills the studio, triggering a buzz among the ClaW faithful, until the emerging form of Leon Van Zandt draws cheers. Dressed for battle, the Professional looks out into the crowd with a look of bloodlust.
Robbins: AND HIS OPPONENT! From Ghent, Belgium! Weighing in at two hundred thirty-five pounds… HE IS THE PROFESSIONAL! LEON! VAN! ZAAAAAAAAAAAAANDT!
Wasting no time, the Professional beelines to the ring, never taking his gaze off either his opponent, or his former manager at ringside. He knows what’s at stake here, and he won’t let himself fall to any traps.
DING DING DING!
Leon Van Zandt wastes no time, rushing from his corner across the ring to waffle Mushi in his own with a sandwiching European uppercut!
Moss: LEON VAN ZANDT WASTING NO TIME!
Van Zandt pulls the dazed Mushigihara out of the corner and tries to wrangle him to the ground with a tight cravate headlock, but Mushi holds on with his superior bulk, and shoves Leon into the ropes, before plowing him to the mat with a shoulder tackle on the rebound. With a chuckle, The Emperor pulls Van Zandt back up to his feet, taking advantage of his stunned state to clothesline him back down to the mat and cover him, as Kevin Clady counts!
Van Zandt manages to kick out relatively quickly, but Mushi is not fazed, as he hops back up and levels Van Zandt with a thunderous elbowdrop, which he leans into for another cover!
Van Zandt kicks out again, and Mushi is slightly more miffed, but Eddie Dante at ringside is starting to get livid, because he knows what is at stake tonight! He would certainly rather see his former client forced out of Classic Wrestling than have to spend five minutes in the ring with him, and he is smacking the ring apron louder to rally his Emperor along!
Mushi rises up and pulls Leon Van Zandt back up to his feet… but Van Zandt manages to slip his arms past Mushi’s and clamp on that cravate! Mushi is taken off guard and pulled off-balance, so LVZ is VERY much able to put pressure on the neck.
Moss: This is a very solid strategy by Van Zandt, here… not only softening the Emperor’s neck for that nasty Sugar Hold, but also making it harder for Mushigihara to attempt the Emperor’s Suplex!
Howley: It’s a good strategy, but he’s gotta remember Mushi ain’t out there alone, or else he might find himself out of a job here in Classic!
With a mighty snap, Van Zandt manages to take Mushi to the mat with a crisp flying mare, and lets go of the hold, before running off the ropes and kicking Mushigihara HARD in the face as the crowd goes wild! Seeing Mushi rattled invigorates the grappler, as he locks on a crooked headscissors as tight as possible on the Emperor’s head, and wrenches his neck farther! Mushi groans in pain as he flails his legs to reach for the ropes… and he does! Clady makes Van Zandt break the hold, but LVZ uncharacteristically holds on until the count of four! Eddie Dante calls out to LVZ, climbing up onto the apron and taunting him. Leon takes his focus off Mushi and gets into Dante’s face, and they exchange words we can’t quite pick up… which gives Mushi enough time to get up to his feet, and make a rush towards Leon Van Zandt…
…only for Van Zandt to sidestep out of the way, and for Mushigihara to plow into Eddie Dante, sending him careening into the guardrail! Van Zandt sees an opportunity, and manages to roll Mushi up in a schoolboy roll-up!
MUSHI KICKS OUT! However, Leon Van Zandt is able to predict the kickout, and manages to lock Mushigihara down to the mat…
Moss: SUGAR HOLD! SUGAR HOLD! The Professional may have his former tag team partner where he wants him!
Van Zandt has Mushigihara locked in the Sugar Hold, and has it locked in tight! Mushi is struggling to escape, but to no avail! The Emperor is trying to find a way out, to no avail! Eddie Dante manages to recover, and hops back onto the apron to yell at Kevin Clady, and even goes so far as to throw his cane into the ring to deliberately get Clady’s attention, and it works!
Howley: Dante throwin’ a tantrum in the ring to get the ref’s attention, but I think there’s more to it than a hissy fit, because Dante’s DEFINITELY smarter than that!
Clady gets into Dante’s face and argues with him about his actions, but Dante keeps his attention, which Van Zandt doesn’t notice until he starts seeing Mushi fade out of consciousness. He looks up and sees the argument, and lets go of the hold, and even slaps Mushi on the back to restore blood and air flow to his body! Van Zandt gets up, and calls out to Clady, who pushes him off as he continues arguing with Dante.
Moss: Leon knows he won’t beat Mushi like this, but he’s showing sportsmanship in letting go AND helping his opponent revive, to prevent any permanent damage!
Howley: Honorable, but it might end up being a foolish mistake!
Mushigihara starts to come to, and sees the drama unfolding in front of him, and then sees Eddie Dante’s cane in the ring. He rises to his feet and grabs the cane, and slowly raises it up to hit Van Zandt with, but he seems to hesitate…
Moss: Oh, no, will Mushi steal the bout with Dante’s help?!
He chucks the cane outside of the ring, and instead waits for Leon to turn around and walk right into…
Howley: That’s gotta be it! Nobody’s been able to survive the Emperor’s Suplex, and he got ALL OF IT!
Mushi drives Leon into the mat with the Emperor’s Suplex, but he is clearly still reeling from the pain of the Sugar Hold, and struggles to reach over and cover, but he does, and Kevin Clady lunges for the count!
Moss: LEON VAN ZANDT **JUST** SHOOTS A SHOULDER UP INTO THE AIR! Mushigihara is surprised! Eddie Dante is LIVID!
Mushigihara stamps back to a standing position, and YANKS Van Zandt back up to his feet, before wrapping his arms around his waist for another Emperor’s Suplex…
…but Leon Van Zandt manages to twist himself in midair, and shift his weight down ONTO Mushigihara, landing on him and covering him for a pin!
DING DING DING!!!
Moss: HE DID IT! LEON VAN ZANDT HAS BEATEN HIS FORMER TAG PARTNER, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, SAVED HIS CAREER IN CLASSIC WRESTLING!
Robbins: Here is YOUR WINNER… LEON! “THE PROFESSIONAL!” VAN! ZAAAAAAAAAAAANDT!!
As Dvorak queues up again and referee Kevin Clady raises the Professional’s hand, Eddie Dante is still staring in terror; first at his fallen God-Beast as he struggles to get up, then at the cackling Van Zandt. Leon looks back at Eddie, and points to him with glee before making his way out of the ring towards his former manager. Dante makes a break for it, and tries to run out of the arena, but his escape is short-lived, as he trips onto the ringside mats, and his attempt to get up fails, as he freezes the second LVZ gets a sinewy hand on his shoulder!
Moss: Dante tried to get away from paying his bet, and I REALLY don’t think Van Zandt is going to go easy on him NOW!
Dante can only babble in vain, begging for mercy as Van Zandt tosses him inside the ring and follows suit. Mushigihara is off to the side, trying to get himself back up onto his feet, and just manages to stand up, before he gets Dante on his back, clinging to dear life!
Mushi tries to get his bearings together, turning around until he is face to face once again with Leon Van Zandt. The crowd starts to rev up, as the two former partners stare each other down, as Dante barks orders at Mushi to protect him, and stop Van Zandt from getting his five minutes!
Dante: Put a stop to this, Mushi! I don’t have to be in here with that brute! Don’t let him get his hands on me! Don’t you da—
The crowd cheers as the Emperor of Classic Wrestling, in an act of defiance, casually just snaps forward and drops Dante flat on his back, directly in front of the Professional!
The stunned Dante can only look up in terror as Mushigihara nods to LVZ and gestures towards Dante with his arm, as if to say “he’s all yours,” before making his way out of the ring. Dante scrambles to the ropes Mushi stepped out from, as Leon Van Zandt stalks towards him and we see a timer start to blink on our screen, before staying solid.
Howley: Hey, Pat. Wanna see a dead body? Because I think you just might in five minutes.
Van Zandt grabs Dante by the shoulders and locks on a full nelson before swinging him towards the center of the ring!
Dante tries to kick out at the approaching grappler, but Van Zandt manages to grab a hold of Dante’s leg, and do a wishbone stretch, causing Dante to yelp in agony as the limits of his groin are violently tested!
After a few moments, Van Zandt rushes down and gets his arms around Dante’s waist, bounding up to his feet and driving Dante into the mat with a thunderous suplex! LVZ wastes no time, pulling Dante back up before hooking on a front headlock and underhooking an arm, suplexing Dante down once again with vicious impact!
Van Zandt flows with the momentum of the suplex, and floats over to trap Dante in a painful-looking guillotine-like maneuver! After a stretch of time, LVZ rolls around on the mat, planting a few knees into the top of Dante’s head and rattling him, before letting go and rising up, playing to the crowd who is loving all of this destruction!
Dante is clutching his neck and shoulder in pain as he rises to his feet, looking around for some kind of timer, only to gasp when he finally finds one, showing him that there’s still more time left!
Dante gets a burst of adrenaline and tries to get to the ropes, and in fact, manages to get one foot between the ropes… only for LVZ to catch him, and yank him back into the ring with a saito suplex that lays him out!
LVZ rises up to his feet and stalks around Dante like fallen prey, before looking at the timer a bit before slowly lifting Dante up and leveling him with ANOTHER saito, and reaching down to wrap his arms around his head and neck! Van Zandt is going for the Sugar Hold! Dante struggles, but ultimately is trapped in Van Zandt’s grip!
Van Zandt posts a hand on Dante’s hip, giving him some leverage as Dante writhes in agony; first rapidly and flailing, and slowly becoming more lethargic and sluggish as his airways are cut off!
DING DING DING!
The bell rings signifying the end of the five minutes! Van Zandt rises to his feet, smiling contentedly as he has gotten his revenge. He stands up and looks down on his victim, who is just barely conscious. As Dante struggles to get away, Mushigihara returns to the ring, walking over to his long-time manager as he grabs onto his legs and tries to rise up.
Van Zandt stays put and watches, as Dante manages to make eye contact with Mushi for a brief moment…
…before Mushigihara hoists him up and over with an Emperor’s Suplex in the center of the ring!
Mushighara and Leon Van Zandt are now facing each other on either side of Dante’s body, and the crowd starts to hum as it looks like this rivalry may not be over…
Moss: Things looking tense between the former Classic Tag Team Champions…
…until they shake hands over Dante’s body! The crowd goes wild, and the two wrestlers raise each other’s arms, signaling the reunion of the Foreign Legion!
Moss: OHHHHHHH! The Foreign Legion may have just reunited after this squabble, and that just might be BAD NEWS for the rest of the tag team division, if dropping the sadistic training of Eddie Dante is any indication!
Howley: If those two are a team again, without any restraints? It’s gonna be BIG trouble.
PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP: King Kong Frank (C) vs Bobby Dean
“You’re the Best” blares through the arena as the crowd stands to their feet and begin to cheer for the always a fan favorite Bobby Dean.
Moss: Bobby has been here in Classic Wrestling since the inception, and no man is more deserving of this opportunity.
Bobby comes out from the back and raises both his arms high in the air and begins walking down the ramp. It looks like he’s pausing to soak in the cheers, but he’s really just catching his breath.
Robbins: Introducing first from The Third Stall on the right. Weighing in at 369 and ½ pounds…. He is the one the only Beautiful BOBBY DEAN!!!!
As Bobby reaches the ring steps he once again pauses to catch his breath.
Moss: Usually Larry would be with him, but he went through his own battle earlier tonight.
Slowly Bobby gets into the ring and awaits his opponent. Suddenly the eardrum-splitting opening riff to Stranglehold gets the fans in attendance up out of their seats. A moment passes before a loud, gravely voice can be heard in a hundred yards in every direction even over The Nooge’s seminal shred-fest.
King Kong Frank emerges with a 10-foot steel chain wrapped around his neck, title around his waist and a wild look in his eyes! He hoots and hollers and gets everyone whipped into a frenzy before breaking off into the crowd and swinging his chain at anybody not smart enough to be out of his way! The Madman from the Smoky Mountains smiles his big ugly smile underneath his big ugly beard and he terrorizes his way toward the ringside area.
Robbins: And his opponent. He IS the PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION. He is KIIIIINGGGGG KOOOOOONNNGGGG FRRRRRAAAAAANNNNKKKK!!!
Fans scatter in his wake as he steps over the ringside guardrail and stalks up the steps and into the ring, this time stepping over the top rope and then parading around the ring, swinging that chain, daring anybody to stop him.
The ref stands between the two men and holds up the Premier American Championship high in the air. He hands it off to the timekeeper who is right at ringside and calls for the bell.
Moss: And here we go.
Howley: PAC title is on the line and these two men are ready…. Well in Bobby’s case, Readyish…. To fight.
Frank and Bobby stand at opposite sides of the ring as the bell sounds. Frank takes a couple of steps forward, as does Bobby, but he pauses for a moment and holds a hand up.
After a few deep breaths Bobby waves on and both men come face to face. Neither man is backing down, even if Bobby looks a bit winded.
Frank goes for a collar and elbow lock up, but Bobby blocks it. Frank once again goes for another and Bobby is heard shouting “That doesn’t work for me Brother!”, and then getting winded. Frank shakes his head and throws a haymaker right towards Bobby. It lands flush, but Bobby doesn’t falter.
Bobby reaches back and lands one of his own. It doesn’t stagger Frank, if anything it fires up Frank who chops the chest of Bobby.
Moss: That echo is something to behold!
Howley: Yeah those ripples on Bobby’s chest could sink a small island!
Bobby seems unaffected and reaches back and chops Frank. He stumbles backwards a bit but not much.
Moss: These two giants are just trading blows and we are all caught in the crossfire.
Howley: No, we get to witness what happens when an immovable object meets an object that doesn’t want to move!
The two men trade chops back and forth for a minute or so. Each chop leaving a mark on the chest of the other, when Frank blocks a Bobby attempt, and straight elbows him in the jaw. Then he takes off towards the ropes, and Bobby does the same only much slower.
Moss: Frank moving with a purpose to the ropes…
Howley: Bobby’ll get there eventually.
As Frank comes back Bobby is barely to the ropes but manages to turn and meet Frank three quarters of the way. Both men crash into each other, but neither man falling. Bobby does lean back but catches himself, as Frank roars and pounds his chest. Frank takes off towards the ropes again, and Bobby thinks about it for a moment then decides against it. Instead he catches his breath as Frank rebounds and comes barreling towards him.
Moss: These collisions remind me of the old A Bomb videos…
Howley: Only slightly less horrifying.
As Frank goes to crash into Bobby with a shoulder, Bobby manages to catch the rushing Frank and lifts him from the ground. Bobby takes a few steps forward before slamming Frank to the mat. Bobby tries to get off of Frank but struggles and it resembles a pin.
Frank manages to get a shoulder up, with the help of Bobby trying to get off of him.
Moss: Not sure if Bobby was going for the pin.
Howley: I don’t think he was, but it almost worked.
Bobby uses the ropes to get to his feet and is hunched over in between the top and middle rope. Frank crawls to his feet and takes a moment to catch his breath and brace for impact. Yet it never comes. Frank looks up and sees Bobby gasping for air.
Moss: Both men winded.
Howley: One because he was slammed, the other because it’s a day that ends in Y.
Franks roars once again and runs towards Bobby. Lifting his knee to the side of Bobby’s head. Bobby tumbles out of the ring and on to the apron.
Moss: Bobby almost went through the time keeper’s table.
Howley: I ask again… Why is that there anyways? Seems like a major hazard.
Moss: Something about space.
Bobby is dazed on the apron hovering just above the table, as Frank once again gets a head of steam and dives between the top and middle rope, right into the plush gut of Bobby. Bobby tries to hold onto the top rope but the grease from his hands causes him to let go of the rope.
The run bell goes flying into the air landing several feet away. The table is in a million pieces. As both Bobby and Frank lay on the concrete floor. Motionless.
Moss: HOLY S**T!!!!!
Howley: What the hell just happened?!
Moss: Neither man is moving….
Howley: They might be dead.
The ref is stunned by what just happened. He’s not quite sure what to do. Rather than counting the men out he crawls over to the damage and assesses the situation.
Moss: I hope both men are okay.
Howley: I told you that was a hazard.
Moss: I don’t know why you’re telling me this. I didn’t put it there.
Howley: Oh man the lawsuits that are going to come out of this…
The ref waves towards the ramp as several EMT’s come rushing down with two gurneys. They first get Frank onto the board and begin wheeling him up the ramp and lock it in place near the top, as it’s going to take all hands on deck to get Bobby onto the stretcher.
Moss: This doesn’t look good for anyone involved. I’m just sorry that people had to witness this.
Howley: We should just be thankful this didn’t happen on TV and people had to actually pay to see this.
It takes six men to finally lift Bobby onto the stretcher. As they begin to push it towards the ramp Bobby begins to come to. He begins to rattle the gurney, and eventually the EMT’s stop. Bobby slowly climbs off the stretcher and leans on the ring to hold himself up. One leg first and then the other as he rolls into the ring like a beached whale.
Moss: What the hell is he doing?!?
Howley: The match isn’t over….
Moss: It should be! We’ve never seen anything like this before!
Howley: What can you expect. Bobby Dean…. Heart arteries clogged and a brain as empty as the day is long.
Moss: Thankfully this match will end since Frank….
No one had noticed that Frank himself was off of his stretcher as well, and slowly dragging himself to the ring too. As the crowd cheers both men.
Moss: Oh come on! Neither man is in any shape to compete.
Howley: Well when the Premier American Championship is on the line, you don’t quit…. Even if you should.
Frank hobbles to the ring and cautiously slides under the bottom rope. Eventually both men are on their feet , face to face, as the crowd is going crazy.
Moss: Well against their better judgement…
Howley: This match ain’t over yet!
Both men begin throwing wild shots at the other. Both men stagger backwards and then fire forward to continue the fight. Bobby gets the upper hand and lifts Frank for a scoop slam.
Moss: Frank is out on Dream street.
Howley: Bobby is getting a head of steam….
Moss: Oh wait, he’s taking a break…
Howley: And he’s back at it…
Bobby leaps into the air.
Moss: I’M FALLING AND I CAN’T GET UP!!!
Frank manages to roll out of the way at the last second, as Bobby lands flat on his rear end. Franks drags himself the corner and gets to his feet. Clearly winded Bobby takes his time getting up.
Moss: Here comes Frank!
Frank leaps towards Bobby, but the same as earlier Bobby catches him. Only this time it’s in a bear hug. Bobby squeezes as hard as he can, shaking Frank wildly until he goes limp. The ref checks on Frank.
He raises his arm…
He raises it a second time…
Then finally a third time.
Right before it falls it shoots to life.
Moss: Frank is still in this!
Howley: How in the hell!!!
Frank punches Bobby in the head, but nothing happens. Then again. Same result. Frank then claps both ears of Bobby at the same time, causing the big man to drop Frank to his feet.
Moss: Frank is down…
Howley: Can he capitalize?
Frank kicks the shin of Bobby, and due to all the wear and tear of the match, Bobby goes down to a knee. Frank roars, as the crowd stands on their feet. Bobby looks up at Frank.
Moss: SMOKY MOUNTAIN SPIKE!
It lands flush. Bobby crumples to the mat, as the last bit of energy Frank had went into that one move, as he falls on top of Bobby.
Robbins: The winner of this match, and STILLLLLL PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION…. KING KONG FRANK!
TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS: The Amazing Amarettos (C) vs REPOSSESSED
We come back to ringside where Harold Robbins is standing alongside Kevin Clady for our next match before we go to commentary.
Moss: Here we go, folks! After winning the Tag Team Championship for a second time, the Amazing Amarettos look to fend off another pair of challengers in Gnash and Haul!
Howley: We saw Bobby Dean go at it with King Kong Frank, costing them this shot on route tot their Premier American Championship bout moments ago…but now, all eyes are on Repossessed as they go for chrome here at ClassicMania!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team bout is scheduled for one fall and it is for the Tag Team Championship! Introducing first, the challengers…
“Surprise! You’re Dead” by Faith No More blares through the PA, prompting Gnash to come barreling through the curtain and ricocheting like a pinball off the guardrails as he makes his way to the ring as Haul follows close behind stoically walking with his hooded robe pulled over his eyes as his brother continues to rattle the railings and threaten the crowd.
Robbins: Coming to the ring from Tasmania, Australia, at a combined weight of 495 pounds…the team of Gnash and Haul…REEEEPOSSEEEESSSSSEEEEED!
Finally after getting the desired amount of attention from the audience, Gnash rolls into the ring as his brother climbs the steps and walks calmly up to their corner on the apron as Gnash hits the ropes in the ring, running them like a madman before finally stopping and shaking the ropes in his corner.
Moss: Gnash and Haul look ready to take on the Amarettos tonight, could they see the titles come into their possession tonight?
Howley: There’s a reason the champs call themselves Amazing, Pat!
Robbins: And their opponents…
Twin explosions create twin rising plumes of purple smoke, and the Amazing Amarettos, Carlo and Gomez, “magically” appear on the stage. They regale the crowd as they flourish their capes, twirl their wands, and tip their top hats to the audience in perfectly coordination with each other. Their lovely assistant Suzie steps out through the entry-way in a rather normal, non-magical fashion, and her eyes roll back as she holds out her arms in a half-assed show of presentation. The brothers pose with absolute pomp and majesty before all three make their way down to the ring.
Robbins: Making their way to the ring from Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of 480 pounds, the team of Carlo and Gomez…THE AMAAAAZIIIIIING AMAREEEETTOOOOOOS!
The Amarettos perform all manner of magic tricks as they walk down the ramp, conjuring up all manner of cards, quarters, scarves, confetti, pigeons, and flower bouquets seemingly out of thin air. Carlo and Gomez climb up to the ring from opposite corners and converge at the center of the apron, where they take Suzie by either hand and delicately “levitate” her off the floor, over the ropes, and into the ring before stepping through the ropes themselves. With all three in the ring, they again pose majestically for the audience.
Moss: And here we have the champs, looking ready to take on the challenge here tonight!
Howley: It’s a big night, Pat, and a chance for the champs to pull off the most AMAZING act yet!
The bell rings and Repossessed immediately go on the offensive, blindsiding the champs! Clady does everything he can to maintain order, finally getting just Carlo and Gnash in the ring to officially start things off. Gnash lays in some heavy-handed punches and kicks, trying to wear the magician down so he can send him to the ropes…but Carlo ducks a clothesline attempt, using the momentum to his advantage to connect with a big boot that brings Gnash down hard to the canvas with a thud!
Carlo is picking up steam here as he goes for a tag to Gomez…but Gnash grabs his ankle, dropping him to the canvas as well to stop him in his tracks! Gnash gets back to his feet, going back to work on the magician with some hard stomps to the back before tagging in Haul. The pair bring Carlo back to his feet, laying in some nasty double-team offense on Carlo before sending him to the ropes…and connecting with a double clothesline!
Moss: Oh man, that looked especially painful for Carlo!
Howley: I think Gnash and Haul are looking to really make a statement against the champs, one that’s punctuated with a title win!
Gnash heads back to the apron as Haul continues the attack, looking to find just the right weak spot to break down on the magician with some hard lefts and rights…but Carlo manages to dodge the last of them! Carlo starts to fight back, sending Haul to the corner…and connecting with a corner splash! Haul looks a little wobbly coming out of the corner as Carlo continues to wear him down, bringing him to the canvas with a chop block…and then rushing to the corner to make the tag to Gomez!
Gomez is coming in hot as he goes after Haul, unleashing a flurry of offense on the challenger that culminates in a dropkick that sends Haul over the top rope to the outside! Gomez poses, showing his might before taking his leave from the ring…where Gnash meets him with a hard lariat, spinning him around before he hits the floor! Haul is back to his feet now, and the two continue an assault on Gomez as the ref admonishes them for it…only for Carlo to come running to the aid of Gomez! Things have devolved into chaos as the four go at it, forcing the ref to begin a count to try and maintain order!
The two teams pay no mind to the count as they continue, with Gnash sending Carlo into the steel steps as Gomez sends Haul back into the ring to finally break the count! Gomez goes back in himself, only to be met with a forearm smash by Haul that really rocks the magician for a loop. Haul takes advantage of the situation with some more forearms, this time focusing on the back before sending Gomez to the corner. Haul charges at full speed toward the magician…but Gomez dodges the attack at the last second, forcing Haul to collide with the turnbuckle!
Moss: What a close encounter there for Gomez, who just narrowly avoids disaster from Haul!
Howley: Just a champ doing AMAZING champ things, Pat! If he keeps this up they’ll be leaving Motor City with a stunned audience and the belts around their waist!
With Haul down and out in the corner, Gomez goes for a cover off a roll-up!
Haul kicks out, much to the surprise of the champion as Gomez seeks to tag Carlo back in…but Carlo is still out after being slammed onto the steel steps earlier! Gnash is laughing at the champ from the corner, calling for Haul to tag him back in so they can finish what they started here. Tag to Gnash from Haul now, and the pair look to hit him with The Hook…but Gomez manages to slip out just in time, sending Gnash to the corner before turning back to see who he can ask for help…
…revealing only Suzie. Sweet, sweet Suzie.
Gomez calls to Suzie for help, to try and revive Carlo…or at least, for something to assist him in this moment of peril.
She turns toward the other magician…and grabs the hat. She reaches in, searching for something…and then pulls out…
A middle finger to Gomez.
The crowd is shocked, stunned even as Suzie proceeds to leave the ringside area. Gomez is dejected by this turn of events, but he doesn’t get much time to grieve as Gnash and Haul once again set him up, this time connecting with The Hook! The double atomic drop combo breaks him down as Gnash slides between his legs, hoisting him into an electric chair position! He falls, bringing Gomez down with him…and Haul connects with a neckbreaker along the way for extra damage! Carlo is still out cold as Gnash goes for the cover!
DING! DING! DING!
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, your winners via pinfall, AND NEW Tag Team Champions…REEEEEPOOOOOSSESSSSSEEEEEED!
The crowd are still stunned, but still take some time to jeer the new champions as Clady presents the titles to them before raising their arms in victory.
Moss: Wow a strange turn of events here tonight, folks! We have NEW Tag Team Champions, and the assistant of the Amazing Amarettos has turned her back on the magicians here tonight!
Howley: It’s the end of an era, Pat! I’m gonna go cry about it at home tonight, but right now all eyes are on the new Tag Team Champions in Repossessed!
Moss: What a match this was, folks…and we still have our main event coming up for the REAL World’s Title, as Shujin Yama challenges Vito Valentino!
Classic Wrestling Presents…
It’s clips of every Classic Wrestling superstar, past and present. Montages of big moves and huge moments. Moments from In Your Haunted House, Capital Clash, Slam-A-Thon, and many clips from Classic Wrestling on RBTV. Thunderbird does the voiceover for this one.
Howley: TWENTY FIVE CLASSIC WRESTLERS…
The montage fades into a view of a Classic Wrestling Ring.
Howley: ONE RING! COMING THIS SEPTEMBER ONLY ON PAY PER VIEW…
Continuous clips of Classic Wrestlers throwing one another out of the ring. From every corner, from every turnbuckle, from the ring apron…
Howley: “CLASSIC WRESTLING’S PRESENTS BRAWL FOR IT ALL!”
Steel Cage Match: Freddy Kilgore vs Alex Bruder
Moss: This has been a fantastic night of action, folks, but what we’re about to see, well, you may want to let the little ones do something else for a bit.
Howley: The steel cage is nearing completion, and once this bout begins, there’s no holds barred. Anything goes. No one will be pinned. No one can submit. This match will go on until one man can no longer prevent his opponent from escaping the cage.
Moss: We’ve all seen how “Feral” Freddy Kilgore has reacted to “All Business” Alex Bruder’s continued taunting of his Wild Hearts. It hasn’t been a pretty sight. And he’s promised that when the two lock horns in the cage, he’s not going to stop until he gets every measure of revenge.
Howley: Kilgore can do it, no doubt, but Bruder is crafty, and his Cobra Clutch has earned him a lot of key victories in Classic Wrestling, including over our current Real World’s Champion and Freddy Kilgore himself. If he can lock it on Kilgore tonight, I don’t see how Papa Wild Thang keeps him from climbing out of the cage.
Moss: If Freddy Kilgore is the man of his word that we’ve known him to be, I’m not sure Alex Bruder’s going to be able to walk, much less climb. And speaking of words… I’m told that Otto Price stands with Freddy Kilgore backstage. Take it away, Otto!
We cut to a “Classic Wrestling” banner – in front of it is the eternal master of ceremonies, Otto Price. Next to him stands “Feral” Freddy Kilgore – face painted, baby oiled, veins a rippling – he is ready for action.
Price: Ladies and gentlemen, as we work to get the dangerous steel cage erected around our ring, I am joined by one of the men who is just moments away from doing battle inside that dangerous structure. Freddy Kilgore – you and I have been through a lot together, old friend, but I’ve never seen you in a situation quite like this. Can you truly be ready for what is about to happen?
Kilgore, who has been pacing and flexing and looking off into the distance, turns with bug eyes to Otto Price. He points a single finger into the air.
Kilgore: LET ME LAY IT ON YOU LIKE THIS, OTTO-MATION! YOU ASK ME IF I’M READY? YOU ASK ME IF I CAN TRULY BE PREPARED FOR THIS BATTLE? FOR THIS WAR? BABY, I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE READY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!
Kilgore turns to point into the camera.
Kilgore: ALEX BRUDER! NO MORE GAMES! NO MORE RUNNING! JUST ME – AND YOU – LOCKED INSIDE THE INESCAPABLE ARENA OF STEEL COMBAT, BABY! TONIGHT, YOU PAY PENANCE FOR YOUR MANY CRIMES, BRUDER! THERE’S AN ARENA FULL OF WILDHEARTS CALLING FOR YOUR HEAD! “PAPA WILD THANG,” I HEAR THEM SAY, “YOU’VE GOTTA GIVE THAT LITTLE WEASEL EXACTLY WHAT’S COMING TO HIM.” “NEVER FEAR,” I SAY BACK, “BECAUSE WHEN I GET THESE BEAR PAWS…”
Kilgore pauses to demonstrate the size of his hands.
Kilgore: WHEN I GET THESE AROUND BRUDER’S SCRAWNY NECK, HE’S GOING TO REGRET IT ALL! HE’S GOING TO REGRET PUTTING HIS HANDS ON YOU…
Kilgore jabs a finger into Price’s chest.
Kilgore: AND HE’S SURE AS HELL GOING TO REGRET EVER TOUCHING ONE OF MY WILDHEARTS, BABY. TONIGHT, YOU SEE PAPA WILD THANG UNLEASHED. I DON’T KNOW IF THIS ARENA CAN HANDLE IT, JACK – I’M COMING DOWN ON ALEX BRUDER LIKE A HURRICANE!!
Kilgore turns back to Price.
Kilgore: IT’S TIME, BABY!! I CAN FEEL IT!! CAN YOU FEEL IT, OTTO-MOBILE!? CAN YOU FEEL IT!?
Otto: Well, I…
Kilgore: OF COURSE YOU CAN, BABY!! FEEL IT, OTTO!! FEEL THE POWER OF THE WILDHEARTS FLOW!! FEEL THE ELECTRICITY TRAVEL UP YOUR SPINE!! INTO YOUR HEART!! INTO YOUR SOUL!! YOU CAN FEEL IT!! LET IT LOOSE, OTTO!!
Kilgore puts a meaty arm around Otto’s shoulder, and together the two men lean back and release a powerful howl with all they’ve got…
Price & Kilgore: HOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWLLLLLL!!
Back to our announcers.
Moss: To say Freddy Kilgore is pumped up would be an understatement!
The arena lights dim, and Megadeth’s “Train of Consequences” begins to play. “All Business” Alex Bruder emerges from the curtains, lit by a solitary spotlight.
Moss: Bruder looks focused. This is new ground for him, for Kilgore, for all of Classic Wrestling. Cage matches shorten careers.
Howley: I’ve seen a lot of men walk into a cage, sure that they knew what they were in for. I’ve seen just as many being carried out, wondering what just happened.
Bruder pauses at the end of the aisle, for the first time appreciating the sheer size of the steel cage. He hesitates for a moment, and looks over his shoulder quickly, before he climbs the steps and walks through the open steel door and into the ring.
Robbins: In the ring at this time, weighing in at 238 Lbs, Hailing from Hillsboro, NC. All Business….ALEX BRUDER!
Alex stands in the far corner from the entrance, reaching back to grab the steel bars behind him and then leans forward, getting a sense of how little give the cage has.
The opening chords of “Wild Side” by Motley Crue fill the arena and the fans rise to their feet in anticipation, as that can only mean one thing – the arrival of “Feral” Freddy Kilgore! Papa Wild Thang himself appears from behind the curtain, huffing and puffing, running down the aisle and slapping the hands of all of his Wild Hearts.
Like Bruder in the ring, KIlgore reaches up to grab the highest horizontal bar he can from the ringside area, and with one hand easily pulls himself up. Satisfied at the solid American construction, Freddy Kilgore drops back to the floor, steps up the stairs, walks in the door, and waits for referee Kevin Clady to close the steel door and chain it shut.
Moss: Kilgore is raring to go. Both men are some of the most accomplished wrestlers in Classic Wrestling. Inside that cage are Classic’s first Premier American Champion and Real World’s Champion. They each hold one win over the other in singles competition. And despite that, what we are about to witness will in no way resemble how well either man can wrestle, Thunderbird.
Howley: In the game of human chess, we’re looking at two grandmasters. And they’re about to flip the board, Moss.
Robbins: And his opponent… weighing in at 282 lbs… from The Wild Side… “FERAL!” FREDDY! KILGORE!
Both men lock eyes, frozen in place.
The calm breaks, and the storm rolls in, as both men charge each other, colliding chest to chest in the middle of the ring. Bruder peppers Kilgore with a series of stiff body shots. The King of the Jungle smiles at him, and floors him with an uppercut to the jaw.
Bruder pops back up and shoots a single leg, bringing Kilgore to the mat. Bruder mounts him and rains closed fists down on the larger man. Kilgore isn’t smiling any longer, but he also only takes a handful of shots before he rolls over, reversing positions and returning the favor with thundering blows of his own.
Howley: If trading blows with “Feral” Freddy Kilgore was Alex Bruder’s plan, he needs a new plan.
Kilgore dismounts Bruder, and then jerks him to his feet with a fist full of hair. Maintaining his grip, Papa Wild Thang points at the nearest cage wall, to the approval of the massive crowd. Only then does he briefly release Bruder’s head, before pressing Bruder over his head and chucking him lengthwise into the steel cage!
Howley: I’ve changed my mind. He should go back to trying to outpunch Kilgore.
Bruder pulls himself up the ring ropes, having landed on the apron between the cage and cables, but Kilgore grabs his head before he can climb back into the ring. His hands occupied, Bruder has a free shot to rake his eyes, and then drag Kilgore’s painted face against the ropes and to a corner. He slips back into the ring, and then rams Freddy head first into the top turnbuckle not once, not twice, but thrice.
Moss: “Feral” Freddy Kilgore is stumbling out of the corner. Every bit of that was legal, but hardly sportsmanlike.
Howley: It’s easy to ask for good behavior from the comfort of the announce chair, Moss. Bruder needed to turn the tide, and it looks like that did the trick.
Still dazed, Kilgore is caught from behind with a chop block. Bruder grabs his left ankle, and furiously kicks at Kilgore’s hamstring. Tucking Kilgore’s ankle under his arm, he rolls him over in a modified single leg crab. Rather than squatting down deep to cinch in the hold, Bruder stands tall, and plants his foot on the back of The Apex Predator’s head.
Moss: “Feral” Freddy Kilgore is in a rough spot here. He can’t lose, but it looks like Bruder is targeting his leg to take away both his speed and power advantage.
Kilgore plants his hands to the mat to try to push up and out of the hold, but with Bruder already standing, he’s able to just take his foot off Freddy’s head and stomp on him between the shoulder blades. Kilgore grunts and collapses back to the mat. On instinct, he grabs the nearest rope.
Howley: The King of the Jungle has the power advantage, but Bruder has all of the leverage, and tonight he doesn’t have to break the hold when Kilgore has the ropes.
Moss: I’m not sure Freddy Kilgore is looking for a rope break. Look at that!
Indeed, Freddy Kilgore has now grabbed the bottom rope with both hands, before reaching up and grabbing the second rope, and then the top rope! He lets go with one hand, twists over, and boots Alex Bruder in the mush with his right foot, forcing him to release.
Moss: I’ve never seen anyone try that before! This is a partisan crowd, and these Wild Hearts are nearly exploding for Freddy Kilgore!
Kilgore hobbles to Bruder, catching him with a knee lift as he stands, whips him into the corner and follows in with a forearm smash. He grabs Bruder out of the corner, grabs him by his trunks and the back of his head, and heaves him face first into the cage! Bruder lands on his feet just long enough for Kilgore to hoist him up for an atomic drop, but once he’s horizontal he slips both of Alex’s feet through two adjoining holes in the cage, and then rams Alex groin first into the steel cage!
Moss: Wow. And after that, he drops on his head.
Howley: Both of them in a matter of seconds!
Freddy Kilgore beats his chest and screams. He brings Bruder to a vertical base, and body slams him right back down to the mat. Picks him up again, and delivers a second. Again he brings Bruder to his feet, this time lifting him cleanly onto his shoulders, and then hits a running power slam.
Howley: “Feral” Freddy Kilgore is relentless. I’ll admit it, I wasn’t sure he had this in him, despite what we’ve seen from him since Capital Clash.
Moss: And he still isn’t done. He’s dragged Alex Bruder to his feet, and now lifts him to the top turnbuckle.
With his opponent perched on the top turnbuckle, Papa WIld Thang climbs to the second rope, hooks the head, and then steps to the top rope! He lifts Bruder up for a superplex, but holds him in a perfect vertical position.
DROPS HIM WITH A TOP ROPE DELAYED SUPERPLEX!
The crowd roars in approval when Freddy Kilgore jumps back to his feet, and looks derisively at the heap on the ground who’d thought it a good idea to cross him. Satisfied at his work, he returns to the turnbuckle, climbs it again, and then transitions to the corner of the cage. He takes in the adoration of his Wild Hearts, the crowd noise growing with every rung he climbs.
Moss: “Feral” Freddy Kilgore is straddling the cage. He has won this match, and destroyed “All Business” Alex Bruder. This has been a remarkable event, fans, but I hope we never see anything of its like again in Classic Wrestling.
On the mat, Alex Bruder starts to stir. He rolls over, and sees Kilgore about to descend out of the cage. He gets to his knees, and then his feet, but as he tries to make it to the corner to give chase, he collapses back to the mat. Kilgore, having seen all of this, makes a strange decision.
Moss: Oh no, this isn’t a good idea.
Howley: What are you doing? You won!
He starts climbing down…back into the ring. By the time he makes it to the top rope, Bruder is back to his feet. He grabs a fistful of tights and wrenches Kilgore from the top rope to the mat. Bruder rolls him onto his stomach, and hits a small flurry of cross faces on the Apex Predator, and while they are delivered with bad intent, there’s not much force behind them. Kilgore gets back to his feet and leans down pressing his forehead against Bruder’s. Alex boxes both of Kilgore’s ears and snapmares him back to the mat, before kicking him in the spine and locking in a headlock.
Moss: “All Business” Alex Bruder is trying to buy himself some time to recover.
Howley: I’m not sure there’s enough time left on this Pay-Per-View for that. We still have a main event!
Bruder repositions his headlock, and tries reaching across to grab Freddy Kilgore’s arm looking for the Cobra Clutch, but in the transition Kilgore escapes the hold. Both men struggle to their feet, and grasp at each other’s heads. They exchange forearms, which miraculously grow in strength with each blow. Bruder! Kilgore! Bruder! Kilgore! Bruder! Kilgore! Bruder! Kilgore! Bruder! Bruder! Bruder! Bruder! All Business with a flurry, but they’re having no effect! Kilgore fires back! Kilgore! Kilgore! Kilgore! Kilgore! Kilgore! Kilgore! Bruder is dazed on his feet, so Freddy takes a moment to play for the crowd… before winding up his arm… and delivering the big right hand that sends Bruder head over heels to the mat!!
Moss: Bruder back on his feet… he’s looking to head to the corner for a respite! But Kilgore is right there to meet him!
With Bruder in the corner, Papa Wild Thang climbs to the second rope. He balls up a fist, displaying it to the crowd who roar their approval before he begins to lay in the right hands. The crowd, ever the Wild Hearts, count along with each shot…
ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE!
Kilgore pauses, cups his hands to his mouth, and all along with the packed house…
And then the tenth, and final, shot to Bruder’s head! Bruder steps forward before just falling to the mat. Freddy Kilgore looks down at him. This is it. He’s got it. Freddy looks to the left side of the arena. Looks to the right. The people are on their feet. The cage is right there for the escaping. But Kilgore holds up a single finger. Wiggles from side to side… “no, no, no!”
Moss: I don’t think Freddy Kilgore is done! After months of waiting, he’s relishing getting his hands on Bruder!
Howley: This is stupid! You’ve got the match won – stop being a hero.
Kilgore takes point in the corner farthest from Bruder’s beaten form. Papa Wild Thang leans forward, crouching like a hungry predator – stalking Alex Bruder to finish this once and for all. His leg is ready to deliver his high impact running big boot known as The Call of the Wild as Bruder begins to stir. The people are on their feet and stomping in unison as Kilgore doesn’t take his eyes off Alex Bruder as he rolls over. Gets to a knee. Finally to a crouched position. And then finally… back to his feet. Bruder shakes away the cobwebs as he turns around… Kilgore chooses that moment to strike, bursting forward and raising his boot high…
Moss: WAIT! WAIT! BRUDER WAS PLAYING POSSUM… HE JUST THREW SOME KIND OF POWDER INTO KILGORE’S EYES!! WHERE DID HE EVEN GET THAT?
Howley: From the tights, Moss! This is why you don’t give men like Alex Bruder a second chance!
Kilgore’s momentum halted once the powder hit his eyes and now he’s clawing away at his digits and trying desperately to clear his vision. Bruder hangs on to the ropes to regain his composure, breathing deeply and taking the opportunity to regroup. Kilgore lashes out wildly, arms swinging as he tries to connect with his opponent in his blinded state. Bruder adopts a similar manner of Kilgore earlier – he pushes off the ropes and his eyes narrow as now HE is the one stalking his prey. Leaning backwards to avoid Papa Wild Thang’s erratic swings, Bruder moves to position himself behind the bigger man. He waits for just the right moment… just when Kilgore’s movements have put him in the perfect position…
Moss: COBRA CLUTCH!! He’s got it locked on!!
Freddy Kilgore’s erratic movements have gone from offensive to defensive, as now his arms flail as he feels the crushing power of the deadly hold. Bruder grits his teeth and snarls, knowing that victory is in his grasp and he has his chance to put his rival away. Like a pitbull, he refuses to let go, and Kilgore’s movements slowly… slowly… slowly begin to lessen in intensity. He falls to a single knee with Bruder still locked in.
Howley: Turn out the lights, Wild Hearts, cause it’s time for Papa to go to sleep!
It sure looks that way. With Kilgore’s eyes (now bare as the face paint has long ago smudged away) looking particularly glossy, the referee moves in to check to see if he can continue. He lifts up Kilgore’s right arm… it falls, dead and useless. Bruder grins as the referee lifts the arm again… same result.
Moss: You can’t win the match this way, but if that arm falls a third time, you can be sure that Kilgore’s done for and it will be an easy escape for Alex Bruder!
The boos come down in earnest as the ref raises “Feral” Freddy Kilgore’s arm one final time…
But the boos transform into booming cheers as somehow, someway, somewhere… Kilgore feels the energy of his Wild Hearts and instead of hitting the mat like a lump of bricks, Kilgore stops his hand, flexes his bicep, and balls his fist! With a primal scream that makes Bruder’s eyes nearly bug out of his head, Kilgore – in a last ditch effort – pushes off the ground with all the strength he can muster, and he throws both himself and Bruder into the steel cage! Bruder takes the brunt of the unforgiving steel in his back, and he lets go of the hold and drops to the mat in agony. Kilgore, having used the last of his strength, also falls to the mat!
Moss: And both men are down!! The people are on their feet!!
Howley: They’re hanging from the rafters, Moss!!
The people are stomping and clapping as the hero and the villain both begin to stir. Although they’re both taking their time getting back to a vertical base, it’s Alex Bruder who gets upright first. He wastes zero time, reaching up and gripping the cage by one of its blue bars. Bruder pulls himself up to the top rope before finding his footing with the cage. The fans are yelling at Papa Wild Thang to get up as Bruder begins his ascent… and the King of the Jungle does not let them down!! He leaps up after Bruder, quickly climbing to keep pace with All Business. Now both men are just an arm’s length from the top, but both have stopped climbing in lieu of trading right hands!
Howley: They’re really up there… if one of them bites it, it’s clear for the other man to win this!
At that very second Papa Wild Thing blocks the arm of Bruder and is able to slam his head into the cage instead. Bruder falters but doesn’t fall. He regains his balance but Freddy Kilgore’s not going to let him have it for long.
Moss: Russian leg sweep off the cage! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN AGAIN! Kilgore gave up his own body to take down Bruder!
The fans are ravenous. Not one seat being used in the entire arena. Everyone on edge as this boils over.
Both men slow to get up from the huge crash on the mat.
Howley: They’re lucky they can even walk at this point!
Both men to their feet. Kilgore goes to boot Bruder in the gut but its block. Bruder hits a right hand that’s a little light due to the fall he just took. He swings again and lands another punch. Now Bruder Irish whips Kilgore into the ropes, and when he comes back he goes for a back body drop. Kilgore leapfrogs him and bounces back. When Bruder turns around… Lights out.
Moss: CALL OF THE WILD! HE HIT IT! HE HIT THE KICK!
Bruder falls over backwards and the momentum of the kick sends him over his head and onto his stomach. He’s out in the middle of the ring as Papa Wild Thing looks out to the crowd. They are screaming for him to climb. Kilgore pauses for a moment, looks down at Alex Bruder lying motionless and decides he’s satisfied. The fans want him to climb and that’s exactly what he begins to do. It isn’t long before Kilgore reaches the top. Bruder still motionless inside the ring. The fans cheering swells up to a crescendo when Kilgore steps over the cage and sits on the top of it. He looks out to the fans who cheer his name loudly.
KIL-GORE! KIL-GORE! KIL-GORE!
Freddy smiles big and climbs down the other side.
The bell rings and the ring announcer has the call.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner of this contest… “FERAL” FREDDY KILGORE!
The fans erupt as Kilgore embraces Mikey in the front row. They high five before hugging. Freddy gives Mikey’s dad a big hug as well on the way out of the ringside area. Bruder is just now waking up and realizing he lost as he listens to the subtle tones of “Wild Side” by Motley Crue. None to pleased, Bruder starts kicking the ring ropes as he gets up. His hands on his hips, he’s got a long walk of shame out of the ring to take care of.
Moss: What a contest, what a feud these two have had all over Classic Wrestling the past several months. It started well before Capital Clash, and tonight after fighting in a solid steel cage, this has come to an end. “Feral” Freddy Kilgore triumphs over Alex Bruder!
Howley: Let’s not give the devil his due, there were many times tonight I thought Bruder was going to take this one home!
Moss: Right you are partner, but it’s Kilgore whos boots hit the ground first, something many Classic Fans have been clammoring for since this match was announced several weeks ago.
REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP: Vito Valentino (C) vs Shujin Yama
Moss: It’s now time for the big one Thunderbird! We’ve seen New Tag Team Champions Crowned, we’ve seen King Kong Frank retain his championship over Bobby Dean, and we’ve seen a new number one contender for that championship crowned as well!
Howley: And it’s all come down to this! One match to go! The Biggest stakes are on the line!
Moss: That’s right, partner! This has been building for months, and finally we get an answer to which man will walk out with the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP! Let’s move over to our ring announcer!
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s now time for our MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING!
The fans get loud and raucous at the thought. They’ve had a long night but they’ve been waiting for this one.
Robbins: Coming to the ring first…
Boos ring out across the arena as the challenger makes his way out through the curtain. The Japanese Anthem blaring out across the Joe Louis.
Robbins: The challenger… Weighing in at 469 pounds… Hailing from The Greatest Nation on Earth! Being accompanied by Sensei Abe Lincoln! This is SHUJIN YAMA!
Yama comes through the curtain with Sensei Abe Lincoln. Lincoln leads the way and tosses salt or sand down on the ground for Yama to walk over. Yama is bare footed with his ankles taped as usual. He looks focused as he stares towards the ring, ignoring the fans jeers.
Moss: The most dominant champion that Classic has ever seen. He defended the Premier American Championship multiple times before finally succumbing to King Kong Frank at Capital Clash!
Yama walks slowly into the ring and snarls before stretching out in his own corner.
Howley: Not a man I want to face one on one under any circumstance!
“Life in the Fastlane” by The Eagles blares out across the arena, and everyone gets off their feet. The roar that erupts from the crowd is deafening. The fans in Detroit have clearly heard of the Mecca!
Moss: Woah! I can barely hear myself think!
Howley: They really like the champ in Detroit!
As Vito moves through the curtain the roar only gets louder. He holds his gold championship high into the air as he walks. At first it’s all we can see is the gleam off of the prized trophy.
He nears the ring and he’s wearing some special occasion tights that say Mecca on one side, and CLASSICMANIA on the other.
Robbins: And his opponent, weighing in at 261 pounds… hailing from Brooklyn, New York… He is the reigning and DEFENDING, REAL WORLDS HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! THIS IS VITO VALENTINO!
He stops just outside the ring and finally takes the opportunity to look around the arena behind his sunglasses. The fans go bananas. He hops up on the apron and goes to step through, only to be immediately attacked by Shujin Yama.
Moss: Referee Chip Newman calls for the bell and we’re underway!
Howley: Big Yama not wasting any time whatsoever here with his offensive attack. Smart moves! He has one motive and one motive only, and that’s to rid Vito of the REAL WORLDS CHAMPIONSHIP by any means necessary!
Big forearms crash across the back of Vito who tries moving around the ring to avoid the strikes but Yama is playing the angles and attacking him wherever he goes. Finally with a double ax handle against the back of his neck Vito Valentino falls to his knees. Abe Lincoln slaps the mat in support of Yama.
Shujin grabs him by the head and moves him to a corner. He rears back to hit Vito again but Valentino is able to get a boot inbetween them and daze the big man suddenly. Vito follows up with some quick punches and the Classic fans come to life.
Moss: Not so fast Shujin! Vito’s a fighting champion!
With each shot Yama sways a little more until finally he’s able to block one and strike back on his own. The big blow immediately knocks Vito down to his backside.
Howley: This is a question of speed vs power! Death by a million cuts vs one big bomb! Vito is going to have his work cut out for him if he’s going to retain here, he’s going to have to control his breathing and wait for the big guy to tire out. Meanwhile Shujin is going to be looking for an opening, one small mistake from Valentino and it’s lights out, for the Mecca!
Shujin kicks at Valentino dropping him onto his back. Yama then grabs the top rope for balance, and places one of his bare feet against the neck of Vito. With one motion he stands solely on Vito’s neck while hanging the other foot in the air. Valentino flails wildly as Chip Newman begins his 5 second count. He gets to four and a half before the challenger lets go.
Vito rolls out of the ring and hits the mats outside with a splat. Chip Newman follows Yama around berating him for breaking the rules. The sumo takes his chastising in stride, because outside, no one is watching Abe Lincoln.
Vito is up to his hands and knees when Lincoln comes over and kicks him square in the ribs. Vito lets out a shriek and rolls away but Lincoln follows up with another kick to the ribs. He then gets out of Dodge before Newman catches on.
Moss: Well I can’t say I’m surprised, we expected this out of Lincoln, but the question has to be asked… Why does a man that big, need someones help on the outside?
Howley: I don’t know if I’d call it help Moss, more like… Insurance!
Moss: Well hopefully Metro meets his deductible!
Vito is able to crawl back into the ring but when he stands up Yama meets him with a standing headbutt that drops him right back to the mat. Yama gives Vito his last rites before hitting the ropes and coming back with a very athletic legdrop. He leaps…
Howley: Well that was fast!
But Vito rolls out of the way and Yama hits the mat, backside first.
Moss: NOT QUITE PARTNER!
Vito rolls to his feet and hits the ropes. Yama still in a sitting position reaches for his backside and doesn’t see the champion coming right at him. Diving clothesline from Valentino hits hard and Yamas back finally hits the mat for the first time.
Both men stay down for breath, and Chip Newman begins his count. It’s about 6 seconds later that the Champion is on his feet, and Yama is trying to pull himself back up using the ropes. Yama makes it to the turnbuckle where he’s able to get his much larger frame upright, when he turns around he sees a blur running at him.
Howley: Corner Dropkick! Valentino pulling out all the stops tonight!
Moss: He’s going to have to! Valentino is making a career out of being our giant killer. He took down Lord Colossus, he took down Alex Bruder, and now he’s trying to take down Shujin Yama!
Vito is right back up and grabs Yama in a rear chin lock. Shujin reaches for the ropes but he’s just short. He struggles a bit trying to pry the bicep off of his neck but is unable. Sensei Abe Lincoln climbs the ring steps and gets on the apron and once again Chip Newman is there to cut him off. He’s screaming at him to get down but the Sensei is arguing that the move is an illegal choke.
Yama flails inside the ring, one of his hands finally finds Vitos head but the champ is quick to avoid and strikes thrown his way. Eventually Yama uses one hand to find Vitos head, and when he does, he uses his other thumb like a spike and drives it into the eye of Valentino. The hold is broken and Abe Lincoln slowly walks back down the ring steps.
Moss: Referee Chip Newman has GOT to do something about Abe Lincoln! He’s twice gotten involved in this match!
Howley: Not that he’s seen! As far as Chip knows, he’s just fighting for his guy!
Moss: Seen or not, Sensei Abe Lincoln is having a distinct impact on this matchup!
Vito tries to get his eyesight back as Yama finally makes his way up. He pushes off the mat with his fist and is back on two feet.
Moss: Here comes the Champion!
Shujin catches Vito in the air and drops him on his back.
Howley: There he goes!
Moss: Big time samoan drop! Yamas got the cover!
Howley: He almost had em!
The entire arena lets out a gasp when Vito kicks out, followed by cheers. They start clapping for him to come back. Meanwhile Abe Lincoln is demanding that Chip count faster.
A glance at Lincoln stops his bickering and Newman is right back into the match. Yama picks Vito up to his feet and runs him into the corner. Yama follows and slams his backside into the champion hard. Yama turns and does it a second time. He then backs up a few steps and slaps his stomach.
Moss: He’s going for a body splash!
Howley: Vito Pancakes, now available at the Mecca for breakfast!
Moss: Would you stop!
Yama comes rolling in as fast as he can but Vito uses the top two ropes to spring himself upwards Yama crashes against the turnbuckle pads and Valentino flips over his back and slides down.
Moss: SUNSET FLIP! VITOS GOT THE PIN!
Newman slides into position.
At the last second Abe Lincoln pulls Chip Newman out of the ring by his ankles. Newman hits the floor on his feet and two immediately get in one anothers face. The fans boo loudly across the arena, and Abe Lincoln shouts as loud as he can to speak over them.
Lincoln: You’re counting faster for Vito!
Newman: I’m counting the same for both of them! You can’t put your hands on me i’m the referee!
Lincoln: What are you going to do about it puny man?
Chip Newman rears back as if he’s going to punch Abe Lincoln. The Sensei closes his eyes and braces for it, but it never comes. When he slowly opens his eyes he just sees a large finger pointing…. To the curtain. Lincoln goes ballistic.
Newman: YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!
The fans start to cheer but not everyone understands what’s happening. The ring announcer makes it clear after Newman walks over to him.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen I’m being told that Sensei Abraham Lincoln is being kicked out of the Joe Louis Arena!
The fans explode in happiness. Meanwhile security marches out to grab a determined Abe Lincoln and escort him out. The fans mock and call him names as he’s being carried away. Inside the ring Yama can’t believe this. Now as Chip Newman slides back in, it’s Yama in his face. Newman doesn’t back down one iota. He steps to Yama and points at his Classic Wrestling logo on his shirt. Yama waves him off angrily and turns around to a up and ready Vito Valentino.
Vito rocks Yama with punch after punch after punch. The tightly weaved pony tail of Shujin Yama flies with every shot like a shadow. Vito gets faster with every punch. Finally he goes off the ropes and hits a clothesline but Yama doesn’t go down, he just rocks back and forth like a boat on rough waters. Vito hits the ropes again and comes back with another clothesline that has Yama now on one foot trying to regain his balance. Not waiting for that to happen, Vito takes off once more and comes back with a third clothesline. Yama hits the mat hard and the fans erupt once more.
Vito climbs the second rope and comes off with a legdrop across Yamas throat that leaves the big man gasping for air. Vito crawls over and grabs the leg.
Yama kicks out with authority. He looks over where Abe Lincoln would be for encouragement but he’s long gone. Yama shakes his head and starts to get up. Vito likewise starts to get up. Both men meet in the middle of the ring. Both men worn down. Both men dripping sweat.
Yama overhand chop.
Vito punches again.
The fans ride their emotions like a roller coaster with each strike.
Yama goes for a clothesline, Vito ducks it! Vito goes for a dropkick but it’s sidestepped by Yama. Vito crawls through Yamas legs while getting up, Yama turns around just in time to see a kick coming for his head.
Howley: Savate Kick! I could feel that one up here Moss! Vito now goes for the second rope once more!
Vito dives at Yama. Shujin is able to catch and use his own momentum against him in the air with a Judo throw.
Moss: Tsukaminage! That’s the move he usually uses to set up…
Yama positions Vito in the corner and climbs to the second rope facing the crowd. Without the pageantry, without the screaming words, Yama just bounces and drops. The fans groan as the big mand lands directly on the chest of Metro. Yama lets himself smile for the first time, and crosses his arms confidently. Chip Newman slides into position.
The fans are unglued. The frenzy is wild. Yamas smile fades as quickly as his mouth drops open in surprise. Undettered. He stands up, climbs the second rope again and once more jumps down.
Moss: Oh my…
Chip Newman slides in again.
The bell rings and the fans in the arena are in shock. There are some immediate boos, but it’s hard to hear behind the breathlessness of most in the crowd.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winnerrrr…
Robbins: AND NEWWWWWWW CLASSIC WRESTLING REAL WORLDS CHAMPION. SHUJIN YAMA!
He rolls off of Vito and stands up in the middle of the ring. Down the aisle comes Abe Lincoln who is thrilled with thre outcome. He’s laughing at fans as he passes. Meanwhile the belt is being handed to Yama in the center of the ring. Shujin takes it from Chip Newman, and refuses to have his arm raised. He holds the title up with one hand and drops to a knee.
Moss: Folks at home, I am speechless. I did not think this is what was going to happen, and while I knew there was a chance, I just… Shujin Yama is our new REAL Worlds Champion! Wow!
Howley: Vito Valentino has been a great champion for a long long time Moss, but tonight Shujin was just too much, too tough, and too good to be beat. He’s a monster, and we’ve seen what he did with the Premier American Championship, now just imagine how he’s going to handle the REAL Worlds Championship!
Yama stands in the ring as the fans of Classic Wrestling throw some trash his way. Balls of paper, programs, empty water bottles and more start to fill the ringside area. Yama smiles and takes it all in. Abe Lincoln pats him on the back and now takes the title to hold for him.
Vito Valentino moves to the floor, and can’t believe what’s just happened. He holds his chest with both arms and stares down Shujin in the ring.
Moss: Ladies and Gentlemen thank you for joining us for ClassicMania, unfortunately we are out of time here tonight, and what a night it was! We saw multiple titles change hands, we saw feuds come to an end, and we saw the greatest spectacle in all of sports! Tune in a couple of weeks from now for another edition of Classic Wrestling on RBTV! Until then folks! Good Night!