Welcome To Classic Wrestling: Episode 9
“Flying High Again” by Ozzy Osbourne hits on the Studio speakers.
The CLASSIC Wrestling splash logo explodes onto your television screen as the music screeches onward at a dizzying pace. The Classic Wrestling intro begins to play across the screen in a dazzling display of audio-visual excellence! A quick flash brings the camera inside of the Classic Wrestling Studio to a crane-shot showing the pristine ring, the iconic television set, and the jam-packed bleachers full of fans placed just on the other side of the ring. The fans do their part to get the show off to a rock solid start by doing what they do best…
Losing their entire minds!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
As the crowd dies down the camera lands on Otto Price at his podium. He stands poised in a suit and tie, his large round glasses reflect a bit of the light. He smiles and brings the microphone up to his mouth, ready to talk to the camera.
Otto Price: Happy October folks and welcome back to another spooky edition of Classic Wrestling television on RBTV! I’m your host, Otto Price, and joining us as always at the commentary desk is Patrick Moss, and wrestling legend Joel “Thunderbird” Howley!
The camera pans over to the commentary team who smile and wave. Well, Thunderbird flexes a bit. It moves back to Otto.
Otto Price: What a night of action we have all lined up for all the fine fans of Classic-Wrestling! We’ve got matches on matches, and announcements concerning our upcoming Pay Per View! We’ve got fallout from the last show, as well as new and exciting matchups never before seen!
The fans cheer loudly for tonights action.
Otto Price: First up tonight is a debut matchup between “First Responder” Frank Chase, and “Midnight Crooner” Frankie Hollywood! Those two will go head to head to start tonight’s festivities, but after that we’ve got some really rad matchups!
The fans start a chant for Rikki Roxx, Otto lets them get it out before he continues.
Otto Price: Yes folks, I can confirm Rikki Roxx is in the building tonight!
The fans let out a loud yell of approval.
Otto Price: We have another couple of Classic Debuts tonight between Joe Stone and Shooter Landell, now last week we saw vignettes from both of these gentlemen, and tonight they get to show you what they got when they go toe to toe in that very ring!
The fans cheer loudly, Otto can’t help but be interrupted.
Otto Price: We’ve got the Double Decker in action tonight…
Fans: HOOOOOOOOOONK!
Otto Price: As well as fan favorite Carlos Ruiz! He’s going to take on Classic newcomer, The Undercover Lover!
Fans boo at the mention of Lover. Otto stifles a smile.
Otto Price: Then it’s dual main event time folks! We’ve got a huge NONTITLE matchup between BDSM and The Amazing Amarettos, and remember, if Amaretto’s win, they will earn a title shot here in the near future for the Classic Wrestling Tag Team Championships!
Otto looks down at his notecard and raises an eyebrow. He seems a bit perplexed.
Otto Price: Finally to close out tonights HUGE episode we’ve got a big tag team match! King Kong Frank and “Feral” Freddy Kilgore will team up ….
RAHHHHHHHHH
Otto Price: They will take on the tag team of Gordy Lovett, and the reigning Premier American Champion, Shujin Yama!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Otto Price: Another big announcement folks. I can tell you, our next Pay Per View Event will be on October 31st 2021! That’s right, on Halloween night, when we come to you LIVE from Indianapolis, Indiana! We’re branching out for this large event and it’s going to be called IN YOUR (HAUNTED) HOUSE!
The fans cheer loudly at the amazing name.
Otto Price: I did hear from the staff just before the show folks, that as of right now, Freddy Kilgore is not here. We’re not sure what’s going on, of course he hasn’t been heard from since that heinous attack at the hands of Shujin Yama just a few weeks ago, let’s take you back…
A screen covers Otto and says “Classic Replay”, It shows us a few weeks ago at the end of the PAC Championship Match, After Shujin Yama’s win over Kilgore, we see his crushing attack on Freddy Kilgore over again.
Otto Price: We’re hoping that Freddy Kilgore makes it here in time for the main event tonight, but if not, then Commission Gruff Myers is ready and standing by to grab a replacement partner from the Mountain Man known as King Kong Frank! Fear not Classic Wrestling fans, we’re going to deliver a Main Event worthy of it’s title either way! In the meantime we’ll keep our ear to the ground for Feral Freddy Kilgore, and someone get that man a phone!
Otto wraps up and we cut to the ring where Ring Announcer, Harrold Robbins is standing by.S
Frank Chase vs Ricky Broadway
At ringside we hear a piano number start up over the loud speaker. It’s not clear what song it is right away until we hear some lyrics.
“Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today!”
The voice is not as good as Frank Sinatra, but he’s certainly trying! Through the curtain comes a newcomer to Classic Wrestling. He has a microphone in hand and is singing along with the piano.
“ I wanna be a part of it, New York, New York!”
Howley: Does he know we’re in Cleveland Moss?
Moss: Hard to say Thunderbird!
Howley: It’s CL-EVE-LAND, How hard is that?
Moss: That’s not what I…
He rolls into the ring and tries to continue singing but his theme song is quickly drowned out by another.
“Holding Out for a Hero” by Bonnie Taylor plays loudly as the fans start to cheer for whomever is going to beat up the crooner. Through the curtain comes a real life firefighter, jacket and all! He peels the coat off and is wearing suspenders underneath against his chest.
Moss: Well this will certainly be an interesting clash of styles.
The jacked up firefighter makes a few steps towards the ring, and flexes at the direction of his opponent. Harrold Robbins is about to make introductions…
Through the curtain, behind The Firefighter, comes a very angry Holo Make unexpectedly.
Moss: Hey, what’s he doing here!? He’s not in this match!
Thunderbird: Why don’t you go tell him that Moss?
Moss: Pass!
Holo Make grabs Frank Chase from behind by surprise. He spins him once and tosses him face first into the turnbuckle pole.
Moss: WOAH! That’s just uncalled for!
He picks him back up from the floor, Chase is clearly in lala land. Make lifts him over his shoulder and then drops Frank head first onto the ring apron. Frank lands and is able to stumble away a bit holding his head, but when he turns he’s caught by the giant 6’8” boot of Holo Make.
Thunderbird: What a kick! Goodnight!
Holo then looks to the ring where Ricky Broadway is laughing at his supposed opponent. Make gets on the apron and steps over the top rope quickly. Suddenly Broadway’s laugh turns into a terrified look. He gulps and tries to get out of the ring but Make is on him in no time. He reels Broadway back in and then headbutts him. The crooner crumples to the mat. Holo pulls him right back up by the head so that he’s standing. Make takes two steps back and runs at Broadway.
Moss: Aina I Ka Pono!
Thunderbird: IN ENGLISH MOSS!
Moss: RUNNING HEADBUTT OF DOOM!
Holo stands over the lifeless body of Ricky Broadway and looks out to the crowd. The crowd boos him heavily but Make is unphased.
“Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica plays on the PA system and Make yells loudly, before slowly walking towards the back. Leaving both men in his wake.
Thunderbird: Holo Make is sending a message and it’s loud and clear. Don’t let his record fool you! This guy is for real!
Moss: There’s no doubt about that! Not after what we just saw!
No Excuses
As we come back from a commercial break, Otto Price stands in front of his podium, his stylish thin microphone in his right hand.
Otto Price: I’d like to welcome to the stage right now, the Real World’s Champion, “All Business” Alex Bruder.
“Train of Consequences” blares over the speakers, and just as promised, Alex Bruder emerges from the curtain and casually makes his way towards Otto. He is adorned in a hunter green t-shirt that fits him like a second skin, dark blue jeans and black hiking boots. The Real World’s Championship is strapped around his waist. He stands a foot or so away from Otto, but stares off towards an increasingly uncomfortable fan in the third row.
Otto Price: Alex Bruder, in our last episode, you teamed with Lord Colossus and faced off against Rush Starling and “Metro” Vito Valentino. In that match, you suffered your first loss in a Classic Wrestling ring. Surely you have something to say about the outcome of that bout.
Bruder meets Otto’s eyes, shrugging his shoulders slightly, and goes back to glaring at a different fan.
Otto Price: Mr. Bruder, please! I know that you’re a proud man; certainly you’ve got a word for our audience about being pinned in the center of the ring by Vito Valentino.
A cheer erupts at the reminder of Vito’s victory. If anything, Alex appears to be trying to stare holes through one of the children who seemed most enthusiastic about it.
Otto Price: Champ, if you didn’t want to talk to me, why did you agree to this interview?
“All Business” scowls, and fully meets Otto’s gaze, forcing him to unconsciously take half a step back. With his pointer and middle finger, he motions for Otto to bring him the microphone. The crowd jeers, and Alex waits them out before speaking in a low growl.
Alex Bruder: What do you want from me, Otto? Do you want me to cry some crocodile tears? I fought, I lost, and I ain’t happy about it. Now, If I were “Metro”, I’d be out here sobbing about how I didn’t mean to attack Alex Bruder before the match. I’d tell you how sorry I was, and how I acted out of character because I was just so mad at the champ. If I were Vito, maybe I’d be emotional about how the second I got my foot on the ropes, Chip Newman’s supposed to start a five count to break Alex’s Cobra Clutch, and not count my illegal pin. If I were good ol’ Vito Valentino, I’d ask for forgiveness from the crowd, because after weeks of running my mouth, I took a couple more shortcuts because I know what happens in a fair fight against Alex Bruder.
More booing from the crowd, but this time Alex ignores it.
Alex Bruder: But there ain’t a soul in this building who’d confuse “All Business” Alex Bruder with Vito Valentino, least of all while I’m wearing this Real World’s Championship!
Otto motions for the crowd to stop their booing.
Otto Price: So your reaction to your first loss is to fault the official
Bruder’s nostril flares as he stares down Otto..
Alex Bruder: I’d expect you to be a better listener, Price. Making excuses is what Vito Valentino does. That’s not my game. I didn’t lose because my partner got changed on me in the middle of preparing for that match, and I didn’t lose because “Metro” assaulted me before our scheduled match,and I didn’t lose because the referee doesn’t know how to do his job. I lost because even though I’ve had Vito Valentino pegged as a two-faced hypocrite since day one, I fell for his con. He hoodwinked me. He stands out here begging for the love of the crowd, wanting to be the hero of children everywhere, and he got me. I forgot that when it comes to winning a match, he likes to play in the dirt as much as anybody. He just tries to pretend he doesn’t. The boy’s good, but it’s not going to work again.
Otto Price: The last time we talked, I asked you who your first challenger for your Real World’s Champion would be. At that time, you said you didn’t know. With our next pay-per-view In Your (Haunted) House announced for the end of this month, and with “Metro” Vito Valentino’s pinfall victory over you, albeit in a tag match, will you answer his repeated challenges for a match for the title?
To more boos, Alex simply turns away from Otto and walks out of frame.
Joe Stone vs Shooter Landell
When we come back from the break Shooter Landell is in the ring and the referee is checking his boots and pads for any foreign objects. He detests being searched.
“RRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHHH CAVE MAAAAANNNNNNNNNN!”
After the roar and battle cry is heard by all, the opening of “Superpredators” by Massive Attack plays and out comes Jurassic Joe Stone, adorned in a Saber-toothed tiger fur skin and waving his club frantically in the air. Dr. Selah Graves leads him to ring and he reaches out to slap hands with his free hand before arriving. He hands over his fur and cape and then steps over the ropes to deliver another loud battle cry.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, this following match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit! Already in the ring, hailing from Council Bluffs, Iowa… Weighing 260 pounds… This is SHOOTER LANDELL!
The fans boo as Robbins continues.Robbins: And his opponent, Hailing from the Land Before Time, he weighs in at 364 pounds…. “The Wrestler That Time Forgot” JOE STONE!
Stone and Landell anxiously await the opening bell. The ref finishes his checks of the two men and signals for the bell. As if a rocket was strapped to his back Landell rushes the much larger Stone. He attempts a diving clothesline but the much larger man doesn’t budge as Landell lands on the mat. Stone just tilts his head and points towards the ropes while Landell drags himself up to his feet.
Moss: Looks like Landell is going to take him up on his offer for another free shot.
Howley: It’s suicide for Stone. You wait and see…
Landell ricochets off the ropes and leaps in the air for a cross body block. Stone catches him, and doesn’t even stagger. Stone marches around the ring before delivering a huge sidewalk slam. Stone roars to the crowd, as Landell rolls on the mat holding his back. He makes his way to the ropes but right as he was about to pick himself up, Stone places a foot in the small of his back. Then both feet, balancing himself using the top rope. The ref tries to get him to get off of the man, but Stone doesn’t, the ref begins to count. At the count of three Stone steps off of Landell’s back.
Moss: That’s a whole lot of man to be putting his whole weight on his back.
Howley: A smart man rolls out of the ring and take the count out to live another day.
Landell tries to roll under the ropes, but Stone easily grabs him and drags the near lifeless body to the middle of the ring. Landell is wobbling while sitting in the middle of the ring. Stone looks down at Landell while raising a hand high into the sky, and thrusting it downward. Landell comes to at the last second as Stone misses the clubbing blow.
Howley: Now Landell can finally show us what he’s all about.
Landell staggers to his feet but before he could even get a step away, Stone had grabbed him and slammed him onto the mat. Stone holds Landell by a shoulder and this time his blow wouldn’t be dodged.
Moss: CAVEMAN CLUBBIN’!!!
Landell’s body goes limp upon impact and Stone goes for the cover. It’s all but academic at this point.
1!
2!
3!
The bell rings and Joe rolls off of his opponent victorious. The official raises his hands in the air to the delight of the crowd. Joe enjoyed it so much, he has the referee do it a second time, and again the fans cheer. Dr. Graves is eventually able to entice Joe to get out of the ring, and celebrate elsewhere as his theme music plays.
Moss: What a debut for Joe Stone! He wins in convincing fashion here on his first night!
Howley: I just hope Shooter has more bullets in his chamber next time!
Moss: Time will tell Thunderbird! Time will tell. In the meantime Joe Stone is off to a stomping good start!
Howley: You’re only saying that because you want a pair of those fur covered boots!
Joe goes through the curtain with Dr. Graves, but not before ROARING at the crowd one more time.
Appalachian Alchemy
Cut away.
Just outside the arena, Scott Hunter is walking up on the entrance area for wrestlers, sporting his favorite t-shirt, a combination REO Speedwagon and Survivor tour t-shirt, with “Wheels are Rollin’ Tour – 1985” across the back, and a human heart on front, engulfed in flames.
Head down he walks up the sidewalk, and comes upon the small encampment of King Kong Frank Dylan James, whose back is to him as he huddles over the top of a makeshift still, looking like some sort of Appalachian alchemist.
Scott frowns. This is not something he regularly sees in Tampa, or here, or anywhere. He walks over, ever so carefully so as not to disturb the big brutish man in front of him.
Suddenly, Frank turns around, and Scott stops in his tracks, looks up and starts whistling, rocking back and forth heel to toe, looking ridiculous and fooling nobody. Fortunately Frank couldn’t care less. He raises one of his gigantic paws and points at Hunter.
“You! Get over here!”
Scott looks at Frank, eyes wide, and puts his hand on his own chest.
“Who, me?”
Frank smirks and lets out a snort.
“Somebody’s gotta test my latest batch, an’ I done already been drinkin’ since last Tuesday! You ever drink the hard stuff, boy?”
Scott makes a face.
“You mean like a White Claw or something?”
Frank’s face crinkles up like someone just farted loudly.
“Jesus boy, get’cher narrow behind over here! This here’s real deal honest to goodness Smoky Mountain Fire Water! Not none of that fancy cityboy nonsense.”
Scott warily makes his way over. Frank takes a small metal cup and gets a full portion, then hands it over.
“Down the hatch!”
Scott holds it up to his nose, sniffs it, then takes it all in one gulp. Frank seems a bit surprised and impressed by this, and watches for a reaction.
Scott goes into a full blown cartoony sputtering coughing fit, to Frank’s amusement, but then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.
“So this is like YOUR version of a White Claw then? I’m not sure about it, I feel like it needs to be stronger.”
Frank’s eyes go wide, his wiry beard bristles, and his mind is absolutely blown.
“Is you speakin’ ill of my gran’pappy’s hooch?”
“No!” Scott backtracks, “Course not! It’s just that-”
Frank reaches out and grabs the young grappler, pulling him bodily in for a two-man huddle. It doesn’t seem malicious… yet. “So… what you thinkin’? More yeast? Ethanol? Fatbacks an’ Similac? CAROLINA REAPERS?”
The wheels are turning…
“Lookee here,” Frank squeezes Scott’s shoulders. “You’s obviously a man with a with so-fist-ipated palate! An’ that’s jus’ what I need!”
“I… uh-” Scott stammers.
“Nevermind all’a that! We gotta get this next batch goin’ before the Main Event tonight! GIT-R-DONE!!”
Frank drags Scott Hunter off to who knows where, to do who knows what, all in the name of his gran’pappy’s best hooch…
Dewey Smarts vs Double Decker
Back from the commercial break and Dewey Smarts is standing in the ring being Canadian. You can clearly see that he’s daydreaming about syrup or hockey or being nice or Alanis Morrisette or Canada Gooses or whatever.
Howley: Looks like Blue Canada’s getting “the treatment” here tonight!
Moss: Blue Canada? You mean Dewey Smarts?
Howley: Look, if this guy doesn’t know that the Canadian flag is red and white, then I don’t have to call him by his name! Dig it
Moss: Will you stop?
Howley: The Magic 8-Ball says: “My sources say no.”
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!
The fans in the Classic Studio know what’s coming, and every last one of them is here for it! They’re on their feet adding their own honks to the cacophony!
#Waiting for the Bus#
ZZ Top drowns out the honking as The Big Grayhound joyfully pulls out of the station and into the ringside area! He takes a lap around the ring, slapping hands with front-row fans before rolling under the bottom rope and into the ring!
Moss: These Classic fans absolutely LOVE The Bus!
Howley: Of course they do, Moss, he’s just like them! Morbidly obese and blissfully ignorant!
Once inside the ring and back up to his feet, Double Decker climbs the turnbuckle with the grace of a Light Heavyweight and makes the internationally excepted hand-signal for “honk” and the crowd is happy to acquiesce to his request!
Fans: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!
And the Big Greyhound replies in kind!
Double Decker: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!!!
Decker hops down from the turnbuckle like the spry public transit vehicle that he is and turns to face his opponent. The referee makes a few last moment instructions and then steps out of the way, signaling for the bell!
Moss: Here we go, T-bird!
Howley: I’mma go take a squeege, Moss, save my seat!
Moss: Wait, what? You can’t do that on television!
Joel Howley leaves the commentary position, presumably on his way toward the closest men’s room. Patrick Moss continues on undaunted.
DING! DING! DING!
Double Decker takes off like a shot! Dewey Smarts doesn’t move a muscle. Matter-of-factly, he’s stuck in place like a deer caught in headlights! Double Decker crushes him into the corner!
Moss: THE BUS STOP! HE’S SQUASHED DEWEY SMARTS INTO THE TURNBUCKLES!
Dewey staggers out, his eyes are crossed, and he only takes a couple of wobbly steps before face-planting on the canvas. Decker has an idea, he pushes Smarts over onto his back before backing into the ropes for leverage and then stepping in and taking a huge leap, landing hard on top of Dewey with a big splash and then holding on for the lateral press!
Moss: GREYHOUND SPLASH!
One…
Two…
Three!!!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Moss: Double Decker with the decisive win here tonight!
Thunderbird Howley scrambles back into position, half-disheveled and all the way disbelieving!
Howley: Hey! What happened? What’d I miss?
Moss: Double Decker made short work of Dewey Smarts!
Howley: Looks like he squashed him like a bug!
Moss: He did indeed, Thunderbird. He did indeed.
Ours By Right
We’re backstage, as Serena Reyes looks awkwardly at Eddie Dante and his beleaguered Foreign Legion. Dante appears to be simmering with rage, while Leon Van Zandt and Mushigihara are the worst for wear, looking exhausted, bruised, and scratched up.
Serena Reyes: I’m here with the Foreign Legion and their leader, Eddie Dante, after last episode’s handicap match against Bobby Dean. Now, after the loss in a hard-fought match, where does the Legion go from here?
Eddie stares daggers into Reyes’ soul, as he subtly gestures for the microphone. Leon Van Zandt and Mushigihara slowly step back from their seething manager as he speaks.
Eddie Dante: Where… does the Legion… go from HERE?
The devious Dante takes a deep breath.
Eddie Dante: Well, it’s simple. Though we may have faced a mild SETBACK in our pursuit of those Classic Wrestling Tag Team Championships thanks to that buffon Lunchbox Larry, we continue on, and will not rest until those belts, those belts which are rightfully OURS, are in our hands. BDSM may have won that battle on Classic TV Episode 8, but believe me; they WILL lose the war.
Serena Reyes: Do you think tonight’s match between the champions against the Amazing Amarettos will affect that pursuit at all?
Dante chuckles and shakes his head.
Eddie Dante: Heavens, no, Miss Reyes. The Amarettos may be flying high going into that ring, but I can assure you the Foreign Legion and myself will be watching from afar, and scouting them. You see, the next shot at the championships is OURS BY RIGHT, and if those boys think their fancy parlor tricks will change that, then they might as well be sharing the stage with white tigers. We WILL be watching, waiting for our moment, and provided THESE wastrels don’t squander their chance, there is NOTHING that anyone in Classic Wrestling can do to stop us.
Dante took a chance to swing his cane at Mushigihara as he called his tag team wastrels, making the monster shudder in reflex. With a grin, Dante shoots off, stage left, while his Legion follow him.
Serena Reyes: Back to you, Patrick and Thunderbird.
Undercover Lover vs Carlos Ruiz
The Gypsy Kings’ “Bamboleo” plays and the fans begin cheering like crazy as they all know who is about to make his way out from behind the curtain!
Moss: Listen to this crowd! They love this guy!
Howley: I don’t see the big deal with this kid, personally. But c’est la vie.
Carlos comes running through the curtains, blasting them open and jumps to the center of the stage. Looking out at all of the fans in attendance, Carlos claps and raises his arm as if to say “Yeah!!!”. Sprinting the rest of the way down to the ring, Carlos slides into the ring then forward flips to his feet with great agility!
Robbins: Coming to the ring first! From Madrid, Spain, weighing in at 212 lbs…. The Spanish Luchador… CARLOOOOOOOS RUIIIIIIIIIIIIZ!
Moss: You don’t see the “big deal” with this kid, Howley? Sure. It’s not like he’s undefeated or so- oh wait.
Howley: Yeah, yeah. He won’t let you forget it either! Along with his whining about not being put on the last Episode of Classic Wrestling TV.
Carlos swivels his hips as he gets in the ring. A smile from ear to ear, he claps back towards the fans, thanking them for the warm welcome.
“Hello It’s Me” by Tod Rudgren hits the PA, and out comes one of Classic Wrestling’s newest competitors, The Undercover Lover. He makes his way through the curtain with his satin ring robe untied and his arms opened wide.
Robbins: And his opponent, from The City Of Love, New Orleans, LA… weighing in at 225 lbs… he is… THE… UNDERCOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR… LOVEEEEEEERRRRR!
Lover stops his spin, facing the camera and looks over all of the women in attendance, clutching his heart with surprise. He then stops, rubs his eyes, and waves them off to a chorus of boos.
Moss: This Undercover Lover’s kind of a jerk, isn’t he?
Howley: Eh. I’ve seen worse attitudes
Lover heads up the ring steps and races across to the ring apron. Then, giving the audience one last look, he steps between the ropes. Looking at Carlos, he sarcastically blows the Spanish Luchador a kiss as he disrobes, much to the delight of the ladies in attendance.
Referee Spencer Fuller calls for the bell and this one is under way!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Carlos wastes no time whatsoever and flies forward with a dropkick… but Undercover Lover sidesteps it! Carlos up right after and Lover goes for a clothesline. Carlos ducks, grabs both of Lover’s arms and pulls him down to the mat with backslide! Carlos digs the toes of his boots into the canvas for added leverage. Spencer’s in position!
One!
Two!
Lover kicks out of the surprise pin attempt and rolls out of the ring to regroup.
Moss: Big surprise that Undercover Lover is out of the ring already.
Howley: He was caught off guard and needed to gain his bearings again! You can’t fault a competitor for trying to play it smart. Especially coming off a loss like he has!
Carlos motions for Undercover Lover to get back in the ring, but he shakes his head and refuses. Having enough of the stalling, Carlos slides out of the ring and chases him! Undercover Lover runs around the ring, forcing Carlos to give chase. Lover slides back in the ring and turns around. Carlos slides in after him, but is immediately met with an elbow drop to the back! Lover stands back up and points to his head with a giant smirk on his face.
Moss: Like him or not, that was a brilliant move by Undercover Lover.
Howley: Can’t believe that dummy Carlos fell for that! Hahaha!!
Lover follows it up with another elbow drop to the back. Then, turning him over, Lover looks at the crowd before dropping a third elbow drop, this time connecting across Carlos’ sternum! Making the lateral press, Lover purses his lips to make kissy faces at the crowd.
One!
Two!
Moss: He’s got h- nope! Only two!
Howley: That was a nice series of elbow drops. Surprised Carlos managed to kick out.
Spencer assures everyone he only counted two. As soon as Carlos shoulders out of the pin attempt, Lover immediately grabs his head for a side headlock. Squeezing and wrenching on the Spanish Luchador, Undercover Lover taunts the crowd and yells at Spencer to check Carlos and see if he gives up. Carlos wags his finger, however, and quickly gets to his knees. With great speed and agility, Carlos rolls forward, causing Lover to lose his grip on the side headlock and stumble to his knees. Lover is back up to his feet and the supremely acrobatically gifted Carlos is there with a flying headscissors that flips Lover forwards on the mat.
Moss: Wow! That was a beautifully executed flying headscissors!
Howley: I’ll give the little whiner his due there.
Waiting for Lover to get back to his feet, Carlos runs into the ropes for some momentum. As soon as Lover is up, Carlos connects with a spinning lariat!
Moss: Lover is folded up like an accordion! Things aren’t looking good for the newcomer!
Carlos hops up to the second rope and measures Undercover Lover up for something. As soon as Lover is up, Carlos flies forward and connects with a dropkick from the second turnbuckle!
Howley: He caught him flush on the chin!
Spencer is right there as Carlos drops to hook a leg!
One!
Two!
Thr- NO! Undercover Lover kicks out!
Moss: I can’t believe Lover kicked out! How tough is this guy?!
Howley: I told ya! Don’t sleep on this kid!
Lifting his arms up for the crowd to get to their feet, Carlos hunches down and lightly taps his foot on the mat.
Moss: Carlos is looking for the Spanish Eyes!
Howley: Oh man, I don’t like Lover’s chances here.
Lover is up and Carlos goes for the superkick… but Undercover Lover punches him straight in the heart! Carlos is DOWN before he can even get his leg up for the superkick! Picking Carlos up, who is clutching his chest in agony, is at the mercy of Undercover Lover, who sets him up with a hammerlock. Pulling his arm back, he smashes it directly into the heart of Carlos!
Moss: The Heart Stopper!
Howley: That’s it! He nailed it!
Lover drops down and hooks both legs for the deep cover..
One!
Two!
Three!
Spencer calls for the bell!
Ding! Ding!! Ding!!!
Robbins: The winner of this match via pinfall.. UNDERCOVEEEEER LOOOOOOOVEEEER!!!
Moss: I can’t BELIEVE it!! Carlos Ruiz has been beaten in Classic Wrestling!!
Howley: I told you, Moss! I told you!! Everyone underestimated Undercover Lover going into this one and what happened? He defeats one of the last two undefeated men on the roster! This kid has a big future ahead of him in Classic Wrestling!
The Last Time You See Me
GONG!!!
The sound echoes around the Classic Arena, followed soon by the Japanese National Anthem piping through over the speaker system. It doesn’t take long for the Premier American Champion, Shujin Yama, to step out into the arena, the championship draped across his massive shoulder. Sensei Abe Lincoln slinks around him, waving the Japanese flag above his head and jeering towards the crowd. He leads his monster towards the ring, holding the ropes open for Yama to step through. Yama takes a statuesque position in the centre of the ring, while Lincoln fetches a microphone to boos from the Classic fans in attendance.
Lincoln: Today is special day, mmhmm. Today, YOUR Premier American Champion, the Oni of Oblivion, Shujin Yama, graces you with his presence. BUT! This will be only time you see Shujin Yama tonight.
A spattering of cheers intermixes with the boos, no doubt happy at the prospect of seeing less of the gaijin sumo.
Lincoln: Mmm… yes. Shujin Yama scheduled to fight later tonight, but tag team main event will not happen! One month ago, Shujin Yama took Premier American Championship from Freddy Kilgore’s lifeless body. But Shujin Yama did not stop there, no? Shujin Yama did to Freddy-San what happens to all American corpses… Shujin Yama sent Freddy-San straight to hell!
Moss: This is disgusting behavior! The sheer disrespect shown.
Howley: Is he wrong though? We haven’t seen hide nor hair of Freddy Kilgore since!
Lincoln: And now, Shujin Yama is expected to face Freddy-San again in tag team match tonight?
He spits on the ground.
Lincoln: No! Freddy-San is squished like a bug. And if Gruff-San insists this match occurs, then King Kong Frank-San will feel same result, and the Pay-Per-View showdown with Lord Colossus will not happen either! Mmhmm. If one thing is known about Shujin Yama, it is that his word is…
Suddenly…
“TAKE A RIDE ON THE WILLLLLD SIDE!”
Lincoln is interrupted by the screeching vocals of Motley Crew! The fans let out a roar of surprise and get to their feet… and that reaction only intensifies when Freddy Kilgore appears through the curtain! He’s dressed in full wrestling gear – painted face and all! With a primal scream, he rushes the ring and slides under the bottom rope!
Moss: FREDDY KILGORE IS HERE!!! KILGORE IS HERE!!!
Freddy Kilgore is in Shujin Yama’s face like a man possessed! He blocks Yama’s attempt at a punch and fires back with ONE! TWO! THREE right hands of his own! Beating his chest as the fans lose their minds, Kilgore sends the mammoth wrestler off the ropes and meets him on the rebound with a clothesline. Yama doesn’t go down, but he is staggered. Kilgore points at Yama and looks to the fans, making the universal sign for “I’m going to slam him!” as the crowd goes bananas!
Moss: Kilgore, injured ribs and all, is looking to lift the Premier American Champion!!
Howley: This isn’t smart, Moss. He’s going to cut his career short if he isn’t careful.
It is not to be, however. Sensei Abe Lincoln is on the apron and waving his hands frantically to distract the crazed Papa Wild Thang. Kilgore swiftly knocks Lincoln off the apron with a stiff round hand as the fans explode! However, the distraction gives Shujin Yama enough time to duck out of the ring. Yama sneers up at his American adversary as he walks backwards toward the curtain, holding his Premier American Championship high. Kilgore points to the escaping monster and storms around the ring, too hyped up to even stay still. Finally, Kilgore looks to a ringside attendant and calls for a mic. Sensei Lincoln has just had enough time to rejoin his charge at the entrance when Kilgore begins to speak. He continues to pace around the ring as he says…Freddy Kilgore: SHUJIN YAMA!!!!! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DESTROY PAPA WILD THANG!!! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD EXTINGUISH MY FIIIIIIAAAA, BABY!
A cheer from the crowd. Yama continues to sneer.
Freddy Kilgore: BUT YOU GONNA HAVE TO KILL ME, BABY, IF YOU WANT TO STOP ME!! AND I’M HERE!! AND I’M READY!! AND TONIGHT, IN OUR MAIN EVENT, YOU GONNA FEEL THE CALL OF THE WIIIIIILLLLLD MY FRIEND!!
Another cheer!
Freddy Kilgore: AND I WILL… WITH ALLLLLL MY WILD HEARTS HERE AS MY WITNESS… SLAM YOUR BUTT RIGHT THROUGH THIS RING!!! AND THERE AIN’T NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!
Kilgore slams the mic down and lets loose with a HOOOOOOOOOOWWWWLLL and the fans respond in kind. Back at the entrance Yama glares at Kilgore as Lincoln tries to usher him backstage.
Moss: It looks like our tag team main event will be going ahead after all!
Howley: But what condition is Kilgore truly in, Moss?
Moss: I guess we’ll find out soon enough.
The Amazing Amarettos vs BDSM (NONTITLE)
#Abracadabara#
KA-BOOM! Twin explosions create two rising plumes of purple smoke, and the Amazing Amarettos, Carlo and Gomez, “magically” appear on the stage. They regale the crowd as they flourish their capes, twirl their wands, and tip their top hats to the audience in perfect coordination with each other. The Classic fans respond with boos.
Moss: Here comes the magic, Thunderbird!
Howley: Well the fans sure are letting the Amarettos know what they think of their act. How disrespectful!
Their lovely assistant Suzie steps out through the entry-way in a rather normal, non-magical fashion, and her eyes roll back as she holds out her arms in a half-assed show of presentation. The brothers pose with absolute pomp and majesty before all three make their way down to the ring.
Moss: You think, with an opportunity to get a shot at the Tag Titles, they’d be a little more focused on the actual wrestling match right now.
Howley: Maybe they could make that stick up your behind disappear!
The Amarettos perform all manner of magic tricks as they walk down the ramp, conjuring up all manner of cards, quarters, scarves, confetti, pigeons, and flower bouquets seemingly out of thin air.
Robbins: Making their way back to the ring… at a combined weight of four hundred and eighty pounds… The Amazing Amarettos!
Carlo and Gomez climb up to the ring from opposite corners and converge at the center of the apron, where they take Suzie by either hand and delicately “levitate” her off the floor, over the ropes, and into the ring before stepping through the ropes themselves. With all three in the ring, they again pose majestically for the audience.
Howley: ENCORE! ENCORE!
“The Best Around”
Lunchbox Larry jumps out from behind the curtain with a big smile on his face, and each of the Classic Tag Team Titles draped over both of his broad shoulders. A small “Larry! Larry!” chant breaks out and the green grappler can’t help but turn beet red, blushing at the attention.
Howley: Looks like Bob’s still letting Larry carry the gold. Cute.
Moss: Knowing Bobby Dean, the belts just might have become too bothersome to keep lugging around. The man likes to conserve those calories!
Turning a little green himself, Bobby Dean waddles out behind Larry. He steps in front of Larry and starts mouthing “Bobby! Bobby!” as he imagines that all of the adulations belong to him and nobody else. After all, Lunchbox Larry is just some man and not a national television star like Bobby!
Robbins: And their opponents… Classic Wrestling’s Tag Team Champions… BEE! DEE! ESS! EMMMMMMM!!!
It takes a few minutes and more than a little help from Lunchbox Larry, after having to hand off the belts to the referee Filipe Chicoda, but eventually Bobby Dean makes it into the ring. Larry helps Bobby up to his feet, but Dean quickly pushes Lunchbox away after hearing the laughter from the fans. Larry holds up his hands innocently, but Bobby just directs him to step out onto the apron.
Moss: Well looks like Bobby’s ego took a little hit there, and as a result we’re all in for a special treat… Bobby Dean is starting the action for his team!
After a quick conversation at the other corner, Carlo and Gomez decide that the former will take the lead against Dean. Gomez steps out onto the apron.
DING!
Dean takes a step toward Carlo, who charges forward to meet him in the middle of the ring.
Moss: Remember folks, if The Amarettos win this match here tonight, they get another shot at BDSM for their Tag Titles!
Howley: And they sure know it, Moss. The Evil Abra of the Amarettos lunges forward with purpose to grapple the bigger Bobby Dean-
Moss: WHOA! Have you ever seen Dean move that fast, T-bird? Bobby just dropped on a dime and rolled out of the ring!
As Bobby catches his breath after moving faster than he has in years, Chicoda begins to count him out.
1…
Bobby shouts into the ring in despair.
2…
Howley: Is he…
3…
Moss: Yes. It appears Bobby Dean is asking Filipe Chicoda to restart the match?
4…
Both Amarettos turn red and start barking at Chicoda to keep counting.
5…
Bobby pleads once more.
6…
Howley: I think he just claimed that he misunderstood when Chicoda asked if “BDSM was good?”
7…
Moss: Clearly Filipe doesn’t care for Dean’s shenanigans!
8…
Larry waves at his tag partner to get back into the ring.
9…
Just before Chicoda can get to the tenth count, Dean flails his arms in exasperation and rolls back into the ring. Carlo, ready and waiting, reaches down to grab Dean as soon as he’s on the right side of the ropes, but Bobby quickly slaps one of Larry’s boots.
Moss: Dean’s back in, just before the ten count, and he immediately tags his partner Lunchbox Larry into the action!
Howley: Nothing like a good, ol’ boot-tag. If there’s one thing you can count on Bobby Dean for, it’s his unorthodox style.
Moss: Some people call it laziness.
Larry looks up at his opponent from the apron like a deer in headlights. Carlo, looking almost as confused as Lunchbox, holds up his hands and turns to Chicoda to ask if the tag was legit. Chicoda confirms and the Evil Abra turns back to Larry. The two shrug simultaneously then grapple over the top rope in BDSM’s corner.
Moss: Well, it looks like some wrestling will happen in this bout!
Larry and Carlo jostle back and forth, jockeying for leverage.
Howley: OH! The Evil Abra with a sneaky knee to the midsection!
Lunchbox slumps over slightly, bringing him down to the height of Carlo. The Evil Abra takes advantage and uses every bit of his strength to suplex Larry from the outer apron and into the ring.
Moss: Carlo grabs Lunchbox by the hair on his head and lifts him up to his feet. He raises his left hand in the air and waves it around, getting some boos from the fans in reaction.
Carlo whips Larry across the ring into the Amaretto’s corner. Carlo charges behind, and just as Lunchbox hits the turnbuckles, he follows up the impact with a corner body splash.
Moss: Quick tag there by Carlo to get Gomez into the action!
Howley: A real tag, Mossy. From a real tag partner!
The Killer Kadabra enters the ring as Carlo grabs Larry from the corner, turning him around while holding his arms up and away so the young star can’t protect himself.
Howley: And just look at those lefts and rights to the exposed midsection of Lunchbox Larry! Gomez Amaretto is really going to town!
Gomez stops the onslaught of punches and performs a quick 360 spin in place, throwing his arms into the air and receiving more boos from the crowd on behalf of the magic making duo.
Moss: The Killer Kadabra with a killer standing dropkick to Larry’s midsection after the unappreciated twirl for the fans!
Larry drops down to the mat, holding his gut, and rolls out of the ring to catch his breath.
Howley: Looks like ol’ Bobby Dean has taught the kid a move or two!
Chicoda leans up against the ropes, barking down at Lunchbox to get back into the ring or he’ll start to count. Bobby Dean, seeing the events unfolding and spiraling out of control, reaches under the apron…
Moss: Are those…?
Howley: FILIPE, TURN AROUND!
Moss: Twinkies?!?
As Larry begins to step back up onto the apron to get into the ring, he sees Bobby roll in on the other side, carefully holding the timeless pastries in each hand. Lunchbox points into the ring, hoping Chicoda will turn around and stop his tag team partner from cheating, but Filipe tells him to knock it off with the games and starts to count Larry out!
1…
Larry urges Chicoda to turn around, but Filipe waves him off again, telling the youngster to get back into the ring.
2…
Bobby sneaks as much as a man that large can sneak, positioning himself right behind Gomez Amaretto, who’s also shouting at Larry to quit the act and get back into the ring.
3…
Howley: This could very well be a preview of an upcoming Tag Team Title match, folks. Think about that.
4…
Carlo, amidst all the chaos, catches sight of Bobby from the corner of his eye. Looking horrified, he shouts out to Gomez to turn around.
5…
Moss: Gomez turns! OH MAN, BOBBY DEAN JUST SMASHED A TWINKIE RIGHT IN THE KILLER KADABRA’S FACE!
6…
Howley: Carlo’s having none of this anymore! He just jumped into the ring as the illegal man and he’s charging at Bo-
7…
Moss: AND HE GETS THE SECOND TWINKIE TO THE FACE!
Bobby shuffles out of the way, not before grabbing a chunk of a twinkie off Gomez’s face and stuffing it into his mouth, and rolls out of the ring.
8…
Larry throws his hands up, giving up on reasoning with Chicoda, and slides back into the ring. Filipe finally turns and sees the chaos that had unfolded behind him as both Amaretto’s roll around trying to wipe crushed twinkie off their faces.
Moss: Chicoda rushes over to the ropes on the side of the ring Dean just exited and looks to be interrogating him about what just happened. Dean’s just shrugging it off!
Howley: Gotta give it to the man, he’s a pro at what he does, Moss!
Chicoda gives one last warning to Dean, then turns and questions Larry.
Moss: Time for Larry’s turn at questioning. He doesn’t seem so cool as his partner in crime, Thunderbird!
Lunchbox squirms as Filipe asks what he saw. Chicoda, still in Larry’s face, starts pointing toward Bobby outside the ring, then to the Amaretto’s still trying to unblind themselves. Larry looks over at Dean, sadness filling his eyes, then ultimately drops his head in shame and nods at Chicoda like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Howley: Wait, did he…?
Chicoda calls for the bell!
Moss: I think Larry just fessed up! Have you ever seen –
Howley: No, Moss. Whatever you were going to follow that up with… No.
DING DING DING!
Robbins: And your winners, by disqualification… THE AMAZING… AAAAAAMAAAAAAARETTOSSSSSSSSSSS!!!
Moss: Looks like the Amarettos will get a shot at the Tag Team Championships!
Howley: Thanks to the Tag Champs, themselves! Turnabout is fair play, even for a couple of dorky magicians.
Man To Man
We come back from a commercial break to Otto Price once again standing in front of his podium.
Otto Price: Ladies and gentlemen… VITO… METRO… VALENTINO!!
“Life in the Fast Lane” hits and the audience absolutely erupts. Wearing his trademark aviators, a pair of slim black jeans, a “Welcome to the METROpolis!” t-shirt, and custom made “Classic Wrestling” Converse All-Stars, Vito emerges from the curtains to a wild reaction from the Classic Wrestling faithful. Acknowledging them all with a pumped up, “NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!”, Vito slaps hands with some nearby fans who have their arms outstretched, hoping to catch a high-five from Metro.
His music fades, but the fans are as hyped as ever.
“VITO! VITO! VITO!”
Laughing and humbly reciprocating the audience’s respect by motioning the “I’m not worthy!” gesture, Vito and Otto wait for several moments before diving into what’s on everyone’s minds.
Otto Price: Vito, earlier in the evening, The Real World’s Champion Al-
“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
Vito laughs and nods at their reaction. Looking quite pleased with their derision towards Alex Bruder, Vito motions for Otto to continue.
Otto Price: Earlier in the evening, Alex Bruder made some bold claims about your win on the last episode of Classic Wrestling. Vito, would you care to respond to all of that and perhaps set the record straight?
Vito smiles as the fans once again begin chanting his name. After about thirty seconds, Vito speaks.
Metro: If by “bold claims” you mean “outright lies and the behavior of a shook man”, then yes, I definitely would like to respond… and in kind. ‘Cause truth be told? I got a LOT to say to that punk.
The audience cheers a bit but they silence themselves pretty quickly as they all eagerly await Vito’s words.
Metro: He’s so full of crap that he’s gonna need to give Roto-Rooter a call so they can pump his guts and find the truth.
The crowd pops HARD.
Metro: Allow me to elaborate, Otto. Only a delusional, self-righteous liar like Alex Bruder would stand out here and pretend I didn’t beat the cogs and gears out of the walking excuse machine back in the “All Business” factory. Know what I’m sayin’?
The audience laughs at this metaphor. Vito smiles, knowing it was a “good one”.
Metro: For weeks I studied my butt off on ways to counter the Cobra Clutch. It’s a dangerous, dangerous move. I will give all the respect in the world to that submission hold and I can’t emphasize that enough, folks. Respect. Like so many others, it even put me down. So, with that said? How could a professional athlete that plays at the level we play at here in Classic Wrestling not figure out that if he got you near the turnbuckles, then you could shift your weight back onto him and roll through? Doesn’t take a quantum physics mathematician to figure this out. Even a knucklehead like Bruder should realize that. Marone!
Otto Price: So you’re saying what you did was legal? I’m not disagreeing, I’m just confirming this statement for the people watching at home.
Metro: Perfectly legal, Otto! Despite what that pathological liar is spewing out to all these good METROpolitans!
Another pop!
Metro: What I did was perfectly within the bounds of a tag team match. And also a one-on-one match. Or even yet, a forty-two on forty-freakin’-TWO match! Capisce, paisano? Now if I’d have kept my foot on the ropes for unfair leverage in order to keep his shoulders down? Then, of course, I’d most certainly be out here askin’ for a mea culpa from all these amazin’ people!
This time, a “METRO! METRO! METRO!” chant breaks out.
Metro: But that simply ain’t the case, Otto. The fact of the matter is Big Baby Bruder needs his diaper changed. (laughter from crowd) ‘Cause what he’s doin’, aside from just throwin’ a hissy fit and embarrassin’ himself, is provin’ me right ever since he scraped by me by the hair on his dopey lookin’ muttonchops. ‘Cause someone finally figured out a way to turn the tables on him with his own move. For that? He’s gonna have to put his rattler away, stop suckin’ on his wrinkly little thumb, and just come to terms with losin’ a wrestlin’ match as much as he needs to come to terms with his own vulnerabilities. With his own… mortality. And he needs to do this on his own, Otto. I’m not gonna hold his hand and show ‘im to the light– but I will make sure he’s lookin’ up at ‘em the next time he crosses me. Church, baby.
They explodes into cheers after that last line.
Otto Price: Sounds like you’re calling out Alex Bruder for his behavior, am I hearing this right?
Metro: That’s right, Otto! I’m callin’ out lyin’ that son of a gun ‘cause I’m sick of him twistin’ the narrative. Projectin’ these phantom cheap shots of mine with his own. That pre-match punch to the snoot I aimed for? I own that, and I’m not sorry about it one bit, either. He just about gave me a concussion a few weeks back with how he hit me… from behind, mind you… with a championship belt that’s soon to be in my possession. Do you have any idea what ten-pounds of gold feels like when it slaps you upside the back of the head, Otto?!
Otto: Thankfully, no. I do not.
Metro: Consider yourself lucky! ‘Cause I got to feel what it’s like twice. And with that said? There will not be a third time. ‘Cause, see, I was raised that if someone disrespects you and tries to take you out like he did to me? Then it’s war, baby. Eye for an eye and all that jazz. The only difference between us is I wasn’t afraid to get mine with my own hands, face to face. An ideology that this stunotz, Big Baby Bruder, clearly doesn’t practice in.
Vito removes his sunglasses and tucks the rims of his glasses inside the neck of his shirt. The intensity on his face is clear and growing.
Metro: So you know what, Otto? Triple B needs to come to terms with his own humanity. And quick. ‘Cause if he doesn’t? Well, I know a guy who actually respects that championship he takes for granted, the intelligence of all these good fans, and the sport of professional wrestling itself! And this guy, Otto? Oh marone! I happen to know that he’s more than willing to take that title off of him and show the world how a real man is supposed to act when he’s the Real World’s Champion!
As the fans sound off with excitement, Vito points towards the camera.
Metro: ‘Cause I put the CLASS in Classic, Bruder. You? Pssht. You’re just the ASS, son!
This time, the curtains part without music and Alex Bruder saunters out, once again in street clothes, and this time with the Real World’s Championship draped over his right shoulder. Vito is staring daggers at the champion, who seems more interested in some fans just a little to Metro’s right, but not so far away as to keep Valentino out of his field of vision. As he approaches Price and Valentino, he waits for the microphone to be moved to him.
Bruder: That’s a lot of flapping your gums to cover up the only true thing you said. The last time we fought, one on one, it didn’t matter how strong you were. You fought the Cobra Clutch that time, too, for all of the good it did you. In the end, one of us was left unconscious, and the other was on their way to being Classic Wrestling’s first and only Real World’s Champion.
Bruder shifts the title into his hands and holds it first up to the camera before holding it in front of Vito’s face.
Bruder: Now I’ve let you have a couple of good looks at it lately, but maybe Otto can help you read it this time. Do you see the words “Tag Team” anywhere on there? I don’t. You want to brag about jumping the champ and pinning him in a tag team match, who am I to tell you not to? Maybe you and Rush should ask Bobby Dean and his little buddy for a shot at their titles. But in the champ’s eyes, you’re at the back of the line for the greatest money maker in all of professional wrestling. You ain’t earned a shot, and I ain’t in the mood to give you one.
Alex returns the title to his shoulder, and starts to walk away… but Vito grabs Bruder’s arm and yanks it towards him! Metro gets right in the Champ’s face and the fans are all about it!
Metro: Nooooope. You don’t get to spew a bunch’a nonsense in my face and get to walk away yet again. Yeah, you put me out the first time we danced, I’ll give you that. I think I’ve given you that a few times, actually. BUT… that’s all I’m ever gonna give you again. ‘Cause I found a way out, and that scares the heck out of you, son. So it doesn’t matter if it was a tag team match or ANY kind of match. You put your best move on me and I.. got… OUT. And guess what, jerkface? I’ll find another way out the next time we meet, too! Speaking of which? When we do meet again? It’s gonna be for THAT.
He pats the belt roughly on Bruder’s shoulder. The fans roar with excitement as this confrontation gets more and more intense.
Metro: ‘Cause I’m challenging you. MAN…to… MAN. Right here and now. Alex Bruder, defending the Real World’s Championship, against the Real Man between us, Vito “Metro” Valentino. It’s time you stopped dancing around the issue here like a scared little baby and act the part of an actual champion. FACE ME, BRUDER. I… daaaaare you.
Vito inches even closer to Bruder’s face. Their noses are almost touching, they’re so close.
Metro: It’s time. It’s time to stop delaying the inevitable and defend the championship against the one person you know who can beat you for it! Or… hehe.. are you going to make everyone wait a couple of years before you decide to get off your sad little hide and be a fighting champion? Huh? What’s it gonna be, Bruder?
Alex steps in, and what space had been between the men, disappears as they’re chest to chest. A flustered Otto Price starts looking to either side to see if anyone’s ready to pull these two men apart.
Price: Gentlemen, please!
The microphone dips as the two men jaw jack, and if there were any words that were less tv friendly, none of them were caught. Otto gets an arm in between the two, which is enough to get them both to take a step back…for the moment. Bruder’s lips turn up at the corners.
Bruder: You’ve got it backwards, son. I’m not ducking you. I’m saving you the embarrassment of taking another loss. Now, ever since I won this title, I’ve heard a lot of men talking about wanting to be the champ, but you’re the only one to see that there’s only one path to being the Real World’s Champion, and that’s through me. You want your shot? Fine, you have it. “All Business” Alex Bruder versus Vito “Metro” Valentino at In Your (Haunted) House!
The crowd roars!
Bruder: But your little turnbuckle trick won’t work for you next time. And when I lock you in the Cobra Clutch for the third time…
Bruder pauses, relishing the anticipation.
Bruder: …well, there will be a lot of fans making a lot of noise. I might just not hear the official telling me to release it.
Holding the title over his head, Alex and Vito continue mouthing off at each other as Otto’s stage is flooded with officials, preventing any further conflict.
King Kong Frank & Freddy Kilgore vs Shujin Yama & Gordy Lovett
“A Country Boy Can Survive” plays over the PA and Gordy Lovett comes through the crowd. Mouth full of chew, belly button sticking out under his shirt. He doesn’t use the stairs, instead he walks down the bleachers, causing fans to scatter as he swings his bull rope. He finally rolls into the ring.
Moss: Watch out for Gordy Lovett! He comes through the crowd with reckless abandon.
Howley: Are we insured against that?
Moss: Not sure they offer Lovett Coverage.
The Japanese National anthem begins playing as Sensei Abe Lincoln steps out onto the stage waving a Japanese flag. Shujin Yama follows behind in a sparkly white robe bedazzled in red diamantes.
Moss: Our newest champion here in Classic Wrestling! He’s going to be a tough challenge for any man!
They march down to the ring, Yama paying no attention to the crowd while Sensei Lincoln laughs and taunts them. Arriving at the ring, Sensei Lincoln walks up the steps and holds the middle rope down for Yama to step through. He bows in the center of the ring as Sensei Lincoln unhooks Yama’s robe. Once freed, the Premier American Championship is finally visible underneath the robe. It’s been modified to fit around his waist. Yama raises his left leg and drops into a dramatic sumo pose while shouting something incomprehensible to both English- and Japanese-speaking audiences.
The fans boo loudly as the anthem fades out. They can’t stand the duo in the ring right now.
Moss: The real question we all have is, can Freddy Kilgore go through with this match? Is he healthy enough? Furthermore, how is he going to bodyslam that man that’s standing right in front of us right now!?
The eardrum-splitting opening riff to Stranglehold gets the fans in attendance up out of their seats. A moment passes before a loud, gravelly voice can be heard in a hundred yards in every direction even over The Nooge’s seminal shred-fest.
“HOOOOOOOOOOO-AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!”
King Kong Frank emerges with a 10-foot steel chain wrapped around his neck and a wild look in his eyes! He hoots and hollers and gets everyone whipped into a frenzy before breaking off into the crowd and swinging his chain at anybody not smart enough to be out of his way!
Moss: Here comes King Kong Frank, His battles with Lord Colossus and Gordy Lovett have been tearing Classic Wrestling apart!
Howley: We know they’re going to match up at In Your Haunted House! It’s going to be a match built for Halloween, have you seen these two?
The Madman from the Smoky Mountains smiles his big ugly smile underneath his big ugly beard and he terrorizes his way toward the ringside area. Fans scatter in his wake as he steps over the ringside guardrail and stalks up the steps and into the ring, this time stepping over the top rope and then parading around the ring, swinging that chain, daring anybody to stop him.
Both Yama and Lovett exit the ring to avoid being hit with the chain.
“TAKE A RIDE ON THE WILLLLLD SIDE!”
The fans jump to their feet and cheer on Kilgore. He comes out and looks at the crowd who gets even louder. He then looks straight at Yama across the ring on the outside with Sensei Abe Lincoln. He makes a beeline for the both of them and rather than slide in the ring, runs around it.
Yama doesn’t see him coming but Lincoln does, he cries out. “Yama Watch Out!” As Kilgore rounds the last turnbuckle he’s got his sights set on taking down the big man. What he doesn’t see is Gordy Lovett ducking low, and when Kilgore comes around the corner, he’s clotheslined out of his boots by the crafty Texan.
Moss: OH! What a hit! He came from out of nowhere with that sawed-off clothesline!
Howley: Talk about a good tag team partner, I don’t think even Shujin knew what he was planning! Watch out! Here comes Frank!
Frank marches over in his bare feet. He reaches over the top rope, just as Gordy is pointing to his head about how smart he is, that’s exactly what Frank grabs. He pulls Gordy up onto the ring apron, and then into the ring. The official calls for the bell.
Moss: And we’re underway with our huge main event!
Gordy backs up into a corner but King Kong Frank runs full speed at him and drives a knee into his head. Lovett bounces off the mat but Frank is quick to pull him back up. Meanwhile, on the outside of the ring, Shujin Yama is on top of Freddy Kilgore, much to the chagrin of those in attendance.
Howley: In the ring, this match is happening; on the outside, Yama is putting a hurting on Freddy Kilgore!
Moss: What kind of champion is he!?
Howley: A smart one.
Frank tries to pick up Gordy for some sort of Hillbilly Suplex, but Gordy’s able to slip out and slap on a side headlock. He wrenches the head of the wildman, but Frank is able to pull himself out and put the unbooted foot right into the gut of his opponent. Now he is able to hit the suplex, which is ugly but effective.
Yama stands up now and walks over to the crowd. He slaps the soda out of a little kid’s hand and growls at him because he’s wearing a Freddy Kilgore shirt. The kid yells out for Freddy, and that’s all he needs to hear.
The “Feral One” hops up and shakes his head. He’s position behind Yama now and begins to assault the back and neck of the Champion. The fans go wild as Kilgore is able to finally get his hands on Yama. He boots the Premier in the gut and pumps his arms twice, he goes for it even though they’re on the outside.
Howley: HE’S GOING FOR THE BODYSLAM!
Kilgore tries to lift Yama off his feet, this time he’s able to get him off his feet but only a foot or so before they both crash to the ground. Kilgore reaches for his back and ribs right away.
Moss: Kilgore finally gets the upper hand outside the ring, but he’s still recovering from the attack weeks ago! Many were unsure if Kilgore would even be able to compete in this match, but he’s toughed it out and made it here tonight.
Kilgore starts to walk back towards his corner, but Abe Lincoln chop blocks him from behind, Yama is able to catch up and he Irish-whips Kilgore into the wooden ring steps. He hits so hard the ring steps break on impact. Kilgore writhes in pain on the ground. Finally, Yama walks over to his corner and climbs onto the ring apron.
Howley: Meanwhile inside the ring it looks as if King Kong Frank might be in some trouble there Moss!
Indeed Gordy Lovett had gained momentum during the outside scrum, and now we see in the ring the Texan drills Frank with a short-arm clothesline.
Moss: Those arms are like powderkegs!
Lovett slaps in a double underhook. He attempts to suplex Frank up and over. As he lifts, Frank kicks his legs and is able to shift his weight to come back down. Gordy tries again, and again Frank is able to block the attempt. Finally Frank lifts Gordy up instead, his arms trapped behind his back, the wildman carries Gordy around the ring before he finally just falls to his butt, smashing Gordy with some weird reverse piledriver.
Howley: OH GOODNESS! Frank’s offense is ugly as sin, but I don’t know if anyone would get up from that.
Frank moves over to his corner, where Freddy Kilgore is now standing, clearly not feeling well. Kilgore asks for the tag anyway, not wanting to disappoint the fans. Frank asks if he’s sure, and Kilgore nods. The fans cheer loudly as the tag is made and the official claps signaling that it’s official.
Kilgore steps in and moves to intercept Gordy who is attempting to get up. Yama starts to get into the ring as well, untagged. The referee gets in front of Shujin to stop him but he’s quickly shoved aside like a ragdoll.
Moss: NOW THAT’S UNCALLED FOR! SHUJIN YAMA, OUR PREMIER AMERICAN CHAMPION JUST PUSHED THE REFEREE BACKSIDE OVER TEAKETTLE!
Howley: He’s down Moss! The official is down, and Shujin Yama is going right for Kilgore.
Setting up Lovett for a move, Feral is unaware that Yama is in the ring. With a double ax handle smash, Yama makes his presence known. Gordy is quick to recover with Yama on Kilgore and goes and attacks Frank, sending him off the apron to the floor. Lovett then turns and it becomes a two on one on former Premier American Champion, Freddy Kilgore.
The official is getting back up and sees the two on one in the ring, he remembers getting knocked down by the champion, and he immediately calls for the bell. When the bell rings, Gordy Lovett looks around and sees the referee, he starts berating him for calling the match. Backing him into the corner, he starts to wonder why the fans are cheering and he looks around. When he turns the only thing he sees is Steel Chain coming right for him.
WACK! WACK! WACK!
King Kong Frank has his chain and is lambasting Gordy Lovett with it. He hits him over and over until he falls out of the ring. The fans in the Classic Studio are going nuts. Then Frank turns and looks at Yama. The champion is busy beating on Kilgore and also gets introduced to Frank’s steel chain! Yama is quick to bail out of the ring after only a couple of strikes.
Moss: Wow! Frank cleans house with that chain. He’s got Kilgore’s back! There’s no love lost between Shujin Yama and Freddy Kilgore, what’s going to happen when these two collide again one on one!? It’s clear Kilgore won’t stop until he wins or Yama kills him, which at this rate, might just be a possibility! But we’re out of time folks, thanks so much for ….
The lights go out.
Howley: What the!?
When they come back Lord Colossus is in the ring!
Frank holds the chain up but neither man moves… They stare each other down, daring the other to make the first move.
Officials pour out of the back in droves, including Commissioner Gruff Myers. Yama tries to get back in the ring and grab Kilgore but the droves make it there first and get in between everybody. Wrestlers, referees, and backstage staff are here to make sure no one starts a brawl.
Moss: Folks we’re out of time! What’s going to happen at IN YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE! Join us next time right here on RBTV!