Welcome To Classic Wrestling: Episode 8
“Flying High Again” by Ozzy Osbourne hits on the Studio speakers.
The CLASSIC Wrestling splash logo explodes onto your television screen as the music screeches onward at a dizzying pace. The Classic Wrestling intro begins to play across the screen in a dazzling display of audio-visual excellence! A quick flash brings the camera inside of the Classic Wrestling Studio to a crane-shot showing the pristine ring, the iconic television set, and the jam-packed bleachers full of fans placed just on the other side of the ring. The fans do their part to get the show off to a rock solid start by doing what they do best…
Losing their entire minds!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
As the crowd dies down the camera lands on Otto Price at his podium. He stands poised in a suit and tie, his large round glasses reflect a bit of the light. He smiles and brings the microphone up to his mouth, ready to talk to the camera.
Otto Price: Welcome back to another great edition of Classic Wrestling television on RBTV! I’m your host, Otto Price, and joining us as always at the commentary desk is Patrick Moss, and wrestling legend Joel “Thunderbird” Howley!
The camera pans over to the commentary team who smile and wave. Well, Thunderbird flexes a bit. It moves back to Otto.
Otto Price: We’ve got an action packed show planned for you with some HUGE matchups. Including a highlight on Tag Team Action this evening! We’re going to see the return of Surf Express Bro as they take on a the odd pairing of Dash Dackson and Harry Chest! You know as well as I do folks, That zany robot, Hello World will be somewhere nearby!
The fans cheer, hoping to see the robot in person.
Otto Price: We’ve also got a big spotlight matchup between newcomer Holo Make, Rikki Roxx, and Randall Schwartz in our first Three way match! Who knows what kind of stuff we’re going to see when we introduce three men, every one for themselves. It’s going to be very interesting!
The fans start a chant for Rikki Roxx, Otto lets them get it out before he continues.
Otto Price: Another first for Classic Wrestling, we’re going to see Bobby Dean, one half of the Tag Team Champions, take on both, YES BOTH members of The Foreign Legion! Mushigahara and Leon Van Zandt. Bobby Dean has been compared to two men many times, but I don’t know if he’s ever fought two men? Where Foreign Legion go, so goes Eddie Dante…
Booing rings out from the Studio fans.
Otto Price: And finally in our Main Event of the evening We’ve got another Tag Team match! The fan favorite tag team of Rush Starling, and Vito Valentino…
The fans cheer loudly, Otto can’t help but be interrupted.
Otto Price: They will be going up against Lord Colossus and for the first time since he won it, Your REAL World’s Champion Alex Bruder in a HUGE Main Event! Vito and Rush both have REAL Worlds Championship aspirations, and you know Lord Colossus wants a chance to crush both of the men on the opposite team! We’re going to get going right now folks, thanks for tun….Wait… what’s that?
Otto holds his hand to his ear trying to hear something in his earpiece.
Otto Price: Ladies and Gentlemen we have something happening backstage… I’m being told we have a camera back there… Let’s…Lets take a look and see what’s going on!?
MAKE an Impression
Backstage we find ourselves in one of the locker rooms. There’s a lot of loud voices going all at once and a ton of people looking at the scene so it’s hard to determine what’s happening. As the cameraman pushes through people to get to the pile it becomes clear that one man is worse for wear.
Moss: That’s Rikki Roxx! He’s been laid out! What the…
Howley: The Rock Star didn’t have his security with him apparently!
On the ground, out cold is RIkki Roxx. Rush Starling kneels next to him trying to wake him up. A smattering of nice fellows aid in his recovery and keep him safe.
Across the other side of the locker room Double Decker and Jack Fargo have Holo Make against a wall. Holo is ranting and raving and trying to break free. Clearly he’s the culprit of the attack on Rikki.
Through the locker room door comes Classic Wrestling Commissioner Gruff Myers and a number of officials. They move to check on Roxx, but Gruff spots Holo and marches in his direction.
Howley: Uh Oh, Gruff is not happy!
The Commissioner points back at the door.
Gruff: Get outta here right now! What do you think you’re doing!?
Fargo and Decker both escort him towards the door, making sure to keep themselves between Holo and Roxx as we fade out.
Coming to Classic.
An abrupt burst of static takes over the screen, flickering on and off several times before the feed cuts away from the show. The black and white screen comes into resolution with a close-up frame on a pair of heavily callused hands, fingers swollen and warped from years of innumerable breaks, sprains, and trauma. Between the forefinger and middle finger of the right hand rests an unlit cigar, the end chewed extensively.
The screen fills with static once again, cutting to a momentary glance at what appears to be a dimly lit basement gym. A second flicker reveals dirty and tattered mats and two men circling one another, the darkness making it difficult to see who they are. A quick cut, followed by the sounds of pure agony as one of the men is bent and twisted, their body contorting to the whims of their assailant. The screen flickers again, cutting back to the callused hands.
Another quick cut back to the tattered gym, more unrelenting screams. The shot follows the hands as they move up toward the lower half of a face. With a flick, the Zippo comes to life, producing a flame that lights the end of the cigar. As a pull is taken, the amber red tip illuminates the otherwise black and white screen, revealing a ragged face covered in prominent salt and pepper stubble. The shot pans back slowly, exposing cold eyes that pierce through the screen. The man’s face contorts into a snarl and an exhale of smoke fills the screen.
Two words appear over the smoke:
Shooter Landell
Dash Dackson & Harry Chest vs Surf Express Bro
The house lights flicker as “Let It Rock” by Bon Jovi plays throughout the venue. The slow build of the guitar riff primes the crowd for the appearance of their hero in tights.
At the songs apex, Harry Chest walks out on stage sporting his flashy smile and signature heroically caped attire.
He marches to the ring and misses most hand slaps with the fans. His hair is gelled back and his chest is pushed out with pride.
A tuft of iconic chest hair protrudes from the top of his combat suit collar. The word ‘CHEST’ runs across his pectorals in fuzzy felt lettering. Harry Chest ascends into the ring where his demeanor changes to a serious one as he waits for his partner.
Flash Gordon starts on the PA as smoke bellows on the stage. A spotlight zeroes in on the center of the stage where Dash is knelt down. In time with the music he stands up and puts his hands in the air. His trusty robot companion, Hello World, wheels behind him as Dash slaps hands with some fans as he makes his way to the ring. He rolls into the ring and does a very exaggerated point and shouts “THE FUTURE!”. Both men shake hands.
Moss: These two men haven’t shared a ring as partners, let’s see how they do going against a team as well oiled as the Bros.
The familiar guitar licks and drum beats to “Nothin’ But a Good Time” by Poison hit your eardrums and from the back bounds Bowie Abrams and Bradlee Nelson in matching long tights and miles-wide smiles. They play to the studio audience, getting them into the show as they make their way to the ring. Once they’re between the ropes, they’ll flex and pose a bit for the laaaaadies before the bell rings.
Howley: I can’t stand these two, but I also can’t stand the other two either. I’m so conflicted.
Moss: You could just do your job?
Howley: Maybe.
All four men are in the ring, the Surf Bros are represented by Bradlee, and Dash stays in the ring as the others take their spot on the apron. The bell rings as the two men lock up in the center, Bradlee gets the upper hand and drives Dash into the corner. Holding him there for a moment before the ref breaks them up, a clean break with no shenanigans. Bradlee calls for a test of strength. Dash hesitates before latching onto Bradlees hand, and the two men struggle back and forth. Bradlee once again gets the upper hand but slowly Dash gets his footing and makes a comeback to where they are even. Dash falls to his back and plants both feet in the gut of Bradlee and tries to flip him over, but Bradlee manages to get his feet under him and pulls Dash up into the air. In quick succession Dash grabs the arm of Bradlee and drags him down to the mat. Bradlee quickly hops to his feet and goes for a lariat, but Dash ducks under the attack. Bradlee turns around into dropkick. Bradlee once again gets to his feet quickly.
Moss: Quick action in this match. Both teams seem to be evenly matched.
Howley: It appears that way, I’ll just be glad when this is all over, that robot needs to be disassembled.
Moss: Leave Hello World out of this, he’s done nothing to you.
Howley: That’s how Terminator started too.
Bowie reaches for a tag and so does Harry. Clean tag with no interruptions. Bowie locks up with Harry and quickly slams him to the mat. Harry leaps up and gives Bowie a slam of his own. Harry runs against the ropes and basement kicks Harry to the mat, and quickly transitions into a side headlock. Harry struggles for a minute before the split crowd begins to fire him up. Harry manages to get to a solid base and elbows Bowie in the stomach. Then another one, followed by a third. Bowie releases the hold as Harry bolts towards the ropes. Bowie looks up and is taken down by a forearm to the chest.
Moss: Both men are down.
Howley: You’ve gotta keep your head on a swivel or else BLAMMO, lights out.
Moss: I can’t argue with that.
The crowd’s split makes it difficult to garner who they are supporting, as Dash stomps on the ring steps, and Bradlee slams his hand on the top turnbuckle. Bowie slowly drags himself to his corner, as Harry does the same. In tandem both teams make the tag.
Moss: Both teams have the fresh man in.
Howley: Define Fresh you idjit.
Dash and Bradlee square off once more in the middle of the ring. Both men grasped the back of the other’s head and threw fists with reckless abandon. The crowd pops huge, Harry and Bowie get to their feet and rush at one another in the ring. All four men are brawling inside the ring, and the ref is trying his hardest to regain control. Harry and Bowie stumble and fall out of the ring, while still battling. Dash takes the upper hand, and pushes Bradlee to the corner and climbs to the middle rope and continues the assault. With each blow the crowd counts along with him.
Howley: Dash taking the fight to the Bro’s and it looks like it’s paying off.
Moss: Hold on a second, Bradlee looks to have a plan.
Bradlee manages to block a blow and holds Dash up in the air as he walks him to the middle of the squared circle. And slams him down in the middle of the ring. Bowie stands up but doesn’t notice Harry slide into the ring. Bowie turns around into a CHIN DIMPLER.
Howley: This match would be over right now if he was the legal man, too bad he’s not!
Moss: I don’t think this one is over quite yet.
Harry drags Dash on top of Bradlee but before the ref could count, Bowie had climbed the top rope and leapt off hitting everyone in sight with a CONTACT HIGH.
Moss: Bowie might’ve just saved this match for the Surf…
Howley: He might’ve done more than that…
Moss: Absolute carnage in the ring.
Landing on top of Dash, Harry and Bradlee, Bowie rolls over to his side screaming in pain. As the ref begins to survey the carnage. The two legal men are out cold and not moving. The other two men are also not standing in their respective corners. The ref looks around and gives them a moment but after no progress was made he had no choice but call over the ring announcer. He whispers into his ear and calls for the bell.
Howley: WHAT THE HELL! Why is the bell ringing?!?
Moss: I don’t know. There wasn’t a pinfall or submission. Let’s hear what ring announcer Harold Robbins has to say.
Harold Robbins: As a result of no competitor being able to continue, this bout has been declared a DRAW.
Moss: A DRAW! Wow what a call by our referee!
Howley: Yea a controversial call! I get no one was moving but man… You hate to see no one come out on top of this matchup!
The fans boo the decision. Surf Express Bro come to slowly and find one another as Bowie checks on Bradlee. On the other side of things it’s not so warm as Dash Dackson stares daggers at Harry Chest. As Harry moves in with his arms out wide to check on Dash, Dackson leaves the ring instead and heads for the back shaking his head in frustration.
Moss: Dackson not too happy about this one, you can see it on his face, with the cold reaction to Harry Chest!
A Major Discovery
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
The camera cuts to the innermost region of a dark, desolate cavern somewhere in the unknown.
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
And in said cavern, a lone torch lights the way.
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
The torch shines over what appears to be a massive sheet of ice…
Boom boom acka lacka lacka boom
Boom boom acka lacko boom boom
And in that sheet of ice… a pair of eyes.
And “Walk the Dinosaur” by Was Not Was.
And a nifty little voiceover.
Voice (v/o): Almost one year ago… I made the discovery of a lifetime.
The ice has now thawed to reveal a MASSIVE individual wearing what appears to be a one-sleeved wrestling singlet made of fur, along with amateur gear made from actual rocks over the ears and crude vines holding it together.
Graves: We all think professional wrestling’s origins started in the 19th and 20th century… but it’s not true. And I… world-renowned archaeologist and now full-time wrestling manager,, Doctor Selah Graves, have discovered… THE MISSING LINK OF PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING! And I also go my manager’s license in the mail. Yay, me!
And now cut to the towering caveman, mowing down much smaller opposition in an empty ring in a training facility! A nameless individual gets THROWN across the ring with a massive biel by his hair! And then another gets run over with a shoulder block! And another pressed over his head!
Graves: His real name may have been lost to time. And as far as we can tell, he is the last of his kind… the wrestler of the past. But now, here in modern times.. He will be the first of a NEW KIND!
And then a quick montage of more nameless wrestling stars having their heads clobbered by the massive hands of the Caveman. Including one who slaps the monster in the face and tries to headlock him… only to get CLOBBERED right back to the Stone Age.
Graves: I will help him! He may not understand our ways! He may eat all of the food in our fridge! He may only want to wrestle and not do much else… but we will show him to the world! And when we do, a new star will be born! And his name…
The monster yells out.
“
And finally, the form of a small, brunette woman dressed in the old-timey appearance of an archaeologist, complete with glasses, a satchel, and her wrestling license on display in a placard.
Graves: JURASSIC JOE STONE! COMING SOON TO CLASSIC WRESTLING!
End.
Rikki Roxx vs Randall Schwartz vs Holo Make
Back at ringside we see Thunderbird and Patrick Moss sitting at their desks, addressing the fans.
Moss: Ladies and gentlemen, this next match was supposed to be a special three way matchup, but we’ve been told that due to tonights earlier attack on Rikki Roxx, he will not be able to compete in this contest!
Howley: Very unfortunate indeed Moss, We hope Roxx get’s well soon and back in the Classic ring!
Moss: With that, we’re all set for what is now a singles contest!
The instrumental version of “Aloha ‘Oe” by Neverland in Ashes starts to play and The Death Rider himself, Holo Make, steps out onto the stage. He looks out at the crowd, eyes wide as if taking in the people around him. He stalks down to the ring, spooking some of the audience members who get too close. Otherwise, his eyes are focused on the ring with interest.
Once he reaches ringside, Holo Make climbs onto the steps, crawling onto the apron and entering the ring. He looks to the nearest camera and grabs it. He brings it to his face, shouting “I ka mōʻī wahine ʻo Lili’uokalani” into it before shoving it back. Holo begins to pace around the ring, waiting impatiently.
Robbins: This next match is scheduled for one fall, and will have a 15 minute time limit, already in the ring, weighing 374 Lbs, from a lost island in the Pacific… HOLO MAKE!
“March and Fanfare” plays, sending the crowd into a big chorus of jeers as Randall Schwartz makes his way to the ring, flanked by a pair of local security as he taunts the crowd, threatening to sue anyone who touches him before he approaches the ring.
Robbins: …And his opponent, from Hollywood, California, Weighing 176 Lbs, this is Randall Schwartz!
The bell rings and the pair circle each other in the ring for a moment.
Moss: Quite the size difference here between the two Thunderbird.
Howley: It’s clear that Holo had seen Rikki as the much bigger threat in this match size wise, so naturally he took him out! This way the odds of winning against Randall Schwartz and a hurt Rikki Roxx would be even greater. The fact that Roxx didn’t make it out here is icing on the cake!
The pair lockup in the middle of the ring and Holo just tosses Randall off of him across the ring. The big man stalks his prey and slaps his chest where the tattoo is. Schwartz looks up and scurries between the legs of Holo before standing up and running off the ropes. When Make turns around the pair meet shoulder to shoulder thanks to Randalls offensive attack. The only trouble is, it’s Randall who bounces off and down to the mat, and Make takes no damage nor leaves his feet.
The crowd laughs loudly at Schwartz who stands up quickly.
Moss: That move didn’t have the effect that Randall had hoped!
Howley: He’s going to have to use that brain of his to win this one, there’s no way he physically stands a chance against this Pacific Islander!
Holo tosses Randall off the ropes this time, and lands a huge hip toss that launches the Hollywood socialite high into the air before crashing him down on the mat. Make motions that the match is over with a rake across his neck. He waits for Randall to get up and runs at him. He dives head first at Schwartz!
Moss: Aina I Ka Pono!
Howley: God Bless You!
Moss: He nails the flying headbutt! Randall is dead! Randall is dead!
The referee checks and concludes that Schwartz in not in fact deceased, but he is in lala land. Holo gets up and does a quick pose. He moves over to Randall Schwartz to make the pinfall but that’s when he hears a very loud screeching noise!
Howley: What the heck is that!?
Moss: Thunderbird look!
Having just walked through the curtain limping, with a guitar over his shoulder, Rikki Roxx screeches the guitar loud over the speakers in the studio. He hits another cord loudly and points at Holo Make in the ring. Holo’s eyes go wide and he steps towards the ropes. Suddenly Rikki starts playing the riff to “We Will Rock You” and Holo decides he’s had enough. He steps through the ropes and runs after Rikki. Roxx disappears through the curtain with his guitar once more. Make makes chase!
Howley: He’s going after Roxx!
Moss: Rikki Roxx sending a message despite being hurt earlier! Meanwhile in the ring our official Filepe Chicoda is counting Holo out!
Chicoda reaches ten and calls for the bell.
Howley: WHAT!?
Moss: You’ve got to be kidding me!
The bell rings and the official moves over to the winners lifeless body.
Robbins: Your winner of this match by COUNT OUT… RANDALL SCHWARTZ!!
The referee lifts his arm in victory but he’s still barely conscious.
Moss: What an odd ending to this matchup! Randall Schwartz picks up the unlikely win!
Howley: Well he didn’t have to use his brain after all, lady luck took the lead for Randall and helped him here tonight! Holo started it with Rikki, Roxx just came back for a little retribution!
The Life and Times of a Bootlegger
Quick cut away from the action at ringside.
Outside.
Around the corner.
Behind a couple of industrial-sized dumpsters that have been comically rearranged.
King Kong Frank has constructed a free-standing lean-to out of old pallets, some sheet metal, and a few stray eight-foot lengths of 2×4 boards. Underneath said lean-to, the Barefoot Brawler has constructed himself a working moonshine still out of a giant copper tank, a repurposed condenser that Frank pulled from an industrial HVAC unit somewhere, and a 50-gallon drum.
There are copper tubes running everywhere.
King Kong Frank: HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-DOGGIE!
Roving reporter Billy Fields is on the scene with a Classic-flagged microphone in hand and a thousand-and-one questions cued up to fire at Appalachia’s Native Son.
Billy Fields: Mind if I get a few words from you, Frank?
The Smoky Mountain Mastodon bristles at the interruption but softens when he recognizes Billy.
King Kong Frank: I reckon but make it quick, stick-boy, I’m just about to throw some yeast in this here mash an’ I can’t be screwin’ up my ol’ Grandpappy’s finest hooch wastin’ time jaw-jackin’ wit’ the likes of you!
Billy Fields: Fair enough! Right off the top let me ask you about Gruff Myers’ edict that you and Lord Colossus not lay a hand on each other or anyone else between now and your match at the upcoming Pay-Per-View extravaganza?
Frank shrugs.
King Kong Frank: Rules is rules I guess, an’ Myers is the boss. If’n he says I’ll get my hands on that big leather-diaper wearin’ fruitcake sooner than later I reckon I trust him. ‘Sides, he ain’t never lied to me before.
Billy Fields: Any idea what, if anything, the stipulation might be?
King Kong Frank: If it was up to me it’d be a Country Whippin’ Match, but it ain’t up to me now, is it?
Billy Fields: It certainly isn’t. Moving right along, did you have a chance to catch Gordy Lovett’s comments about you from a couple of days ago?
King Kong Frank: I did.
Billy Fields: Any rebuttal?
Frank spits on the ground beside the still. It’s brown, but for entirely different reasons than to cancerous gobs that Gordy has a habit of letting fly.
King Kong Frank: Ol’ Gordo ain’t nuthin’ but a damn yella-bellied, lyin’, back-jumpin’, lazy, no-good sum-beetch that’s too busy makin’ excuses an’ hidin’ behind that screechin’ harpy manager of his’ skirt! I ain’t got no time for none of that mess.
Billy Fields: And so?
King Kong Frank: An’ so if he want’s anythang else outta ol’ King Kong Frank past the ass-whippin’ I done already gave him, he might better put his big boy pants on an’ start gettin’ busy! I got bigger fish ta fry, if’n ya catch my drift.
Billy Fields: I see. Well, next question-
Frank cuts him off with a furrow of his brow.
King Kong Frank: Now I done toldja that I had to attend to this here whiskey else it’s gon’ taste funny, or explode!
He shrugs.
King Kong Frank: So git, ‘fore I get ornery!
The young reporter makes a snap decision.
Billy Fields: Joel, Thunderbird, back to you!
Bobby Dean vs The Foreign Legion
#New World Symphony, 4th Movement#
Eddie Dante is out first, leading his Foreign Legion to the ring. The fans are all over them as Mushigihara and Leon Van Zandt stalk to the ring with intent and intensity plastered on both of their faces. Dante, for his part, waves his cane in the faces of a couple of extra-boisterous fans at ringside.
Howley: I like this Eddie Dante!
Moss: You would.
Howley: What’s that supposed to mean, Moss?
Dante climbs the steps, wipes his feet on the apron, and steps through the ropes deliberately before corralling his men for some last-minute instructions.
#You’re the Best Around#
Moss: Could you at least try to be professional, for once?
Howley: You’d better remember who you’re talkin’ to, Jack! Just because I’m currently on “extended hiatus” from active wrestling doesn’t mean I can’t still tie you into a knot!
Lunchbox Larry bebops out from behind the curtain with a big smile on his face to match the big muscles on his big frame. A small “Larry! Larry!” chant breaks out and the green grappler can’t help but turn beet red, blushing at the attention. Not to be outdone, Bobby Dean waddles out behind Larry, his face the cherubic vision of beauty, and both Classic Tag Team Titles strapped together, around his bulbous waistline. He steps in front of Larry and starts mouthing “Bobby! Bobby!” as he imagines that all of the adulations belong to him and nobody else. After all, Lunchbox Larry is just some man and not a national television star like Bobby!
Moss: Anyway. Here comes the Tag Champs!
Howley: You mean here comes the Tag Champ and some man, HA!
It takes a few minutes and more than a little help from Lunchbox Larry, but eventually Bobby Dean makes it into the ring with both belts still strapped around his ample waist. It was everything he had, though, and just as Mushi and LVZ are about to bumrush him Bobby bends over, hands on knees, and huffs and puffs to catch his breath. He holds up a finger toward the referee and begs for a moment to catch his breath.
Moss: For the life of me I can’t see what you like about this guy. He’s blown up just from getting into the ring! With HELP!
Howley: Shows what you know, Moss, watch and learn…
Eddie Dante is having none of this as he commands his men to charge, the referee has no choice but to call for the bell and we’re underway!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
Just as the bell rings Mushi and LVZ hurl themselves at Bobby, smothering him in the corner! Mushi goes high with a series of alternating elbows and chops while Van Zandt goes low, drilling into Bobby’s breadbasket with shoulder block after shoulder block!
Moss: You know, Leon Van Zandt and Mushigihara are not small men, but even together they only barely make up one Bobby Dean.
Howley: Exactly! You just wait, any minute now and Bobby’s gonna turn it all around!
With a girlish screech and a mighty heave, Bobby hurls both men nearly across the ring to get them off of him. For a man with absolutely no muscle mass, he’s apparently as strong as an ox! Eddie Dante is beside himself at ringside, fuming at his men as they scramble to their feet. Meanwhile, Bobby unstraps the title belts and after only a slight hesitation he leans through the ropes and hands them over to Larry for safekeeping.
BBD: You take these back to the locker room and GUARD THEM WITH YOUR LIFE! Don’t let my babies out of your sight! Now I know this is a big step, but I’m trusting you!
Larry cradles the belts like a set of newborn twins and he gives Bobby a wink and a thumbs-up before taking leave of the ringside area. Bobby turns his attention back to the match at hand just in time to eat a running big boot from LVZ that wobbles Bobby back into the corner. Mushi follows up with a big-time splash that has Bobby seeing little birdies before he stumbles into a drop toe-hold from Van Zandt that who traps the legs of the bulbous beaut’ for Mushi to drop a huge flying senton down over Bobby’s back! The two Legionnaires combine their effort to roll Bobby over and both of them jump on top for an attempted pinfall.
1…
2…
Not today, Satan!
Bobby kicks out with authority, sort of, sending Mushi and LVZ flying again. This time they’re ready though and are immediately back on the attack before Bobby has time to roll over and attempt to get back to his feet.
Moss: I’ve got to say, even though Bobby has the coordination of a potato and the gumption of a burned-out strand of Christmas lights, he’s showing me a little something here tonight.
Howley: Like the heart of a champion?
Moss: Well, not exactly…
Bobby covers up and tries to tuck his gut in enough to find the fetal position as Mushi and LVZ show no quarter in stomping at him like they’re trying out for the Varsity Step Squad! A closeup shot catches a little bit too much of the crack of his backside poking out of his ill-fitting tights before an irate video director calls for a camera jump before any of the viewers at home can get sick and vomit at the site.
Howley: Heh, I guess right there he’s showin’ you a whole lot!
The match continues for a few minutes with Bobby taking a beating the likes that no man should ever have to endure, yet somehow managing to survive by sheer force of girth! Eventually, Eddie Dante gets up on the apron just like last time, waving around his cane and getting the attention of the referee while his men set up something devious.
Moss: Here we go again!
Mushi grabs Bobby just as Dante manages to work a misdirect on the referee and slip the cane in to Leon Van Zandt. Bobby’s face contorts in terror, but before LVZ can take his head off with the cane Lunchbox Larry has reappeared, this time with his trusty lunchbox rather than the tag team title belts! Bobby shrieks.
BBD: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHERE ARE MY BABIES?
Mushigihara lets Bobby go and lunges at Larry, who drops to the apron and pulls the rope down low-bridging Mushi right up and over the ropes and down to the floor! LVZ takes a swipe at Larry with the cane but the youngster is hip to his shenanigans and drops down to the floor where he opens the Lunchbox and pulls out a big yellow and orange bag of Circus Peanuts that he tosses into the ring to a delighted Bobby Dean!
Howley: HAHA! I love it, Moss!
Bobby doesn’t even bother to open the bag before chomping down on it! Circus Peanuts go everywhere as he greedily gobbles up as many as he can.
BBD: OM NOM NOM!!!
He goes into some kind of sugar convulsion that reminds 90s kids of The Great Bungholio before roaring something unintelligible at the universe and hulk-flexing out a bunch of muscles that had up until now been hidden under several dozen layers of fat. He grabs the distracted Leon from behind and throws him up, over, and down onto his neck and shoulders with a mighty Backdrop Suplex that folds the European grappler in half and sends Dante’s cane careening into the first row. The referee, having finally broken free of Dante turns around just in time to catch Beautiful Bobby Dean take off like a really slow locomotive! He hits the far ropes, waddles back across the ring as fast as he can to hit the near ropes, then launches himself up as high as he can (which is not very) and lands butt-first on the chest of Leon Van Zandt!
Moss: BEAUTIFUL BUTT DROP!!!
Howley: BBD! BBD! BBD HITS THE BBD!
The referee jumps into position and slaps the mat with gusto.
ONE…
TWO……
…wait for it.
THREE!!!
DING! DING!! DING!!!
At ringside, Eddie Dante is not a happy man. Just as Lunchbox Larry slides into the ring to celebrate with Bobby, Eddie has snatched his cane back from the fan who caught it and started walloping Mushigihara with it, berating him all the way out of the ringside area and leaving a flattened Leon Van Zandt in the ring.
#You’re the Best Around#
Moss: He did it! Bobby Dean has defeated the Foreign Legion in a handicapped match!
After a moment of hopping around like schoolgirls, Bobby finally starts to come out of his sugar-induced psychosis to realize that Larry isn’t carrying the Tag Team title belts. He backs away from his partner and with a look of horror on his face bails out of the ring and does his best powerwalk toward the backstage area.
BBD: MY BABIES! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY BABIES?!
Howley: Uh-oh! Larry’s gone and done it now!
Third Place, and the Third?
The camera cuts to a shot near the entrance way of Otto Price who is standing by with the former Olympian Jack Fargo.
Otto Price: Are you feeling good coming off a win last week against the debuting Holo Make?
Jack Fargo: It’s been a bumpy ride so far here in Classic Wrestling…you know what I mean? But I feel like I’m starting to find my groove. You know what I mean? We fell off track for a moment…. you know what I mean…but we’ve regrouped and are moving forward with a strong momentum. You know what I mean? I couldn’t do it without these great fans.
A mild response from the crowd.
Otto Price: I heard you spent the day at the local Boys and Girls club teaching fitness to underprivileged junior athletes?
Jack Fargo: The little Fargo Dreamers club was a smash hit…you know what I mean? It was everything right with……
Moss: What is this now?
Howley: Somebody is harassing ring announcer Harold Robbins!
Moss: Oh no is that our intern troublemaker again? I thought he was banned from the show??!!!
The camera didn’t catch where he came from, but Burton Howell III is indeed over by the ring announcer’s chair and is wrestling the mic from Harold Robbins.
Burton Howell: Hold on…hold on…hold on. Get your hands off me Harry, I’ll sue you and replace you as the ring announcer I always should have been. Hello Classic Wrestling if you don’t know me, I’m Burton Howell the….
Crowd: TURD TURD TURD….
Burton Howell: The THIRD!
Burton starts walking towards Otis and Fargo.
Burton Howell: You know a few weeks ago the owner here in Classic Wrestling underutilized my talents as head of talent relations and sent me on a kid’s task to file paperwork with the state. That paperwork was for all the manager licenses here in Classic Wrestling. He felt the quota was reached and didn’t want to see anymore. This man failed to see the potential in me. I have a degree in COMMUNICATIONS!!! I know how to talk to people. So I QUIT as intern slash errand boy, but security stand down, because I am now here as a licensed manager on OFFICIAL business!! That’s right I filed my name, along with the others, so Burton Howell THEEEEEEE
Crowd: TURD!
Howell looks disappointedly at the crowd as he shows off his freshly laminated license to Otto Price.
Burton Howell: Third. So Otto, you’re probably wondering why the great “The Great Communicator” is here interrupting you and Fargo.
Otto Price: It did cross my mind, yes.
The cocky kid points at Fargo.
Burton Howell: I look at this man right here and I see a potential client. Because he too has been railroaded by the powers that be here in Classic Wrestling and by you “basic” fans. Sure, he isn’t a great talker, or a dynamic personality, but he is an Olympic medalist! Classic uses his name and places him in matches with giants hoping to see him squashed and forgotten to get over their overgrown botch monsters and the morbid obese plumper’s. You people look at him and see a third-place loser instead of one of the top 1% of wrestlers in the entire world. Who here has been on a Wheaties box Otto Price? Have you ever been pictured on a box of cereal?
Otto Price: I have not.
Burton turns to the crowd.
Burt Howell: Have any of you low-lives ever been on a cereal box?
A turd chant starts again
Burt Howell: I bet half of you can’t even solve the dummy puzzles for kids on the back of the box! I wish some of these faces in the crowd were on the side of the milk carton instead, Otto, if you know what I mean. Jack, you need my help. I understand you. I GET WHAT YOU MEAN. Stop being disrespected by the systematic structures of the wrestling world. Stop being disrespected by the rube troop of “basic fans” that fill these seats because they never have, and never will, be the elite specimen that you are. Forget your dads’ insurance business it’s time to go into business for yourself and I Burton Howell the THIR….
CROWD: TURD!
Burt Howell: THIRD, We’ll guide BRONZE FARGO to GOLD. Do you know what I mean?
Fargo: I have some thinking to do. Next week I’ll decide, you make some good points.
The crowd boos.
Burt Howell: Fair enough. I’ll see you next week, and Otto, do something about the garbage that you wear because you’re interviewing an Olympic athlete. This man has been on the DREW BARRYMORE SHOW for Christ’s sake.
Moss: Interesting development I hope we see him flush this turd next week.
Howley: I’m starting to like the kid, he’s got initiative!! I think Fargo really should consider his offer for representation.
A New Premier
The camera cuts to the ring, where Otto Price is standing in the ring.
Price: Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, please allow me to introduce the NEW Classic Wrestling Premier America Champion, Shujin Yama!
A gong rings out across the Classic Arena, as the Japanese National Anthem begins to play. Sensei Abe Lincoln emerges waving a Japanese flag that immediately draws boos from the crowd. He stands in the entranceway cackling at the heated fans, and after several moments, the Oni of Oblivion, Shujin Yama emerges, with the Premier American Championship draped over one shoulder, and the United States flag on a pole hanging over his other side, leading to a very conflicted reaction.
Moss: What is he doing?
Howley: Don’t forget, Shujin Yama IS an American, Moss.
Moss: Do you really think that’s why he’s flying that flag?
Howley: I’m just sayin’! It looks like he’s got a special, ceremonial outfit too! Say what you will about him, but he’s got a certain sense of style!
Sure enough, Shujin’s typical white and red robe has been replaced by one of sparkling gold, with only a white trim around its edges. With Sensei Lincoln leading the way, Yama marches towards the ring. Lincoln holds the ropes for him, allowing the mammoth champion to enter without tripping over his robe. They take a space in the centre of the ring, forcing Otto to the side to accommodate the significant bulk.
Howley: Look at the size of Shujin Yama!
Moss: I don’t think that championship can even fit around his waist!
Lincoln takes the championship from Yama’s shoulder and holds it as high as he can in the air, as Yama does the same with the American flag.
Then… Yama drops the flag, and it smacks onto the ground, drawing boos from the audience. Otto Price tries to get his voice through over the boos, which eventually die down.
Price: Was that necessary?
Lincoln cackles in response while Yama crosses his hands and stares stoically into the camera. Lincoln rests the championship over his shoulder again.
Price: Shujin Yama, I was going to congratulate you on your Premier American Championship victory, but you seem intent on just riling up these great Classic fans.
Abe snatches the microphone from Price’s hand.
Lincoln: Shujin Yama does what Shujin Yama wants.
He cackles again.
Lincoln: Today is no different than last episode, mmhmm. This flag belongs on the ground, just like Freddy-San. And Shujin Yama belongs standing over it.
Price: Do you and Shujin Yama feel any remorse for the heinous attack you committed on Freddy Kilgore after the match? Was winning the championship not enough?
Lincoln: Remorse?
Lincoln spits, a wad of saliva landing firmly on the flag.
Lincoln: Shujin Yama never feels remorse.
Price: Freddy Kilgore’s career could be over, though! We’re still waiting for an update on his medical condition, but last I heard it wasn’t good!
Lincoln: Shujin Yama made promise to you all. Shujin Yama swore that there would be a reckoning for disrespect shown. “Fallen” Freddy Kilgore is proof. This flag is proof. Shujin Yama swore vow of silence until all who disrespected him had learned lesson, mmhmm. Not just vow of silence. Vow of destruction. Your question, Otto-San, just shows more disrespect. Your question, means more violence will come at the hands of Shujin Yama!
Price: I’m sorry if you feel that way, but what happened to Kilgore was absolutely disgusting! He swore to be a fighting champion, and now he may never fight again. Will your Shujin Yama show even half the courage as Kilgore? Will he be the same sort of fighting champion?
Lincoln: Fighting champion, you say? Mmhmm, Shujin Yama will be greatest fighting champion in history.
Price: When can we expect his first defence?
Lincoln: Good question, mmhmm! Shujin Yama prepared to fight at any time! Shujin Yama prepared to fight tonight!
Price: Tonight?! We didn’t have a championship match scheduled tonight! Is that a serious offer?
Lincoln: Oh yes! Shujin Yama is extending challenge to anybody in locker room, right now! Not just one person! Shujin Yama even willing to fight two at once!
Price: Two challengers?!
Lincoln: Mmhmm! Shujin Yama will fight the first two Classic Wrestlers to come out here. Right now!
Price: There you hear it folks, the next two wrestlers to make their way out here will receive a Premier American Championship opportunity right now! Who’s it going to be?!
The crowd murmurs as they look towards the entrance way. They don’t have to wait long!
Price: It looks like we have some takers!
Without any entrance music, the curtain parts and two scrawny young men make their way out into the arena wearing ill-fitting gear. One of them is pulling their knee pads up every second step. Awkwardly, they get into the ring as Price approaches them.
Price: It looks like we have some new Classic competitors seeking to make their debut in the biggest way possible! Can you tell us your names?
SMACK!
Before they get a chance to speak, Shujin Yama clobbers them both from behind with his massive arms.
Moss: Get out of there, Otto!
The would-be challengers fall to the ground in a heap and Yama drags them towards the corner, stacking the two bodies up below the turnbuckle. He scales the corner and then leaps off, crashing down onto both of them with a Banzai Drop. He stays seated on top of the two bodies, crossing his arms, as Sensei Lincoln drops down and makes a count!
Moss: Oh come on! Lincoln’s not even a sanctioned referee!
Lincoln: 1! 2! 3!
Yama rises to a chorus of boos, as Lincoln hands him back the Premier American Championship. He raises it above his head and lets out an almighty roar. Lincoln scoops up a microphone from where it had fallen on the mat. He shouts over the boos.
Lincoln: And STILL your FIGHTING Premier American Champion! SHUJIN! YAMA!
On the image of Yama posing with the championship, and the crowd letting him know what they think, the show cuts to a commercial break.
Vito Valentino & Rush Starling vs Alex Bruder & Lord Colossus
Moss: Folks! Up next is our MAIN EVENT and what a scorcher we have for you!
Howley: For once, my broadcast partner isn’t wrong!
Moss: We h- hey. We have one of the finalists in the Real World’s Championship tournament, Rush Starling, teaming up with one of the most popular wrestlers in all of Classic Wrestling, Vito “Metro” Valentino!
Moss: That’s right, Moss. And together, they face the man who actually WON the tournament and became Real World’s Champion, “All Business” Alex Bruder, teaming up with the scariest, largest, and arguably loudest man in Classic Wrestling, Lord Colossus!
Howley: Given what’s been going on lately between Vito and Alex, I wouldn’t be surprised if we see some tempers flare up between the two. And by tempers flare up, I mean Vito whines that he demands Alex’s respect and Alex gives him a what for with the title again!
Moss: Now that’s just ridiculous, Thunderbird. We all know that Vito has been disrespected by this guy at every turn, and on Classic Wrestling: Episode 7, he got himself lambasted with a cheap title smash to the dome!
Howley: That “guy” just so happens to be the Real World’s Champion, and if anyone is allowed to demand respect in Classic Wrestling? It’s “All Business” Alex Bruder.
Moss: Be that as it may, Rush is certainly going to be looking for a comeback win here tonight as he competes in his first match since losing to Alex Bruder at SLAM-A-THON. But with an interesting dynamic thrown in, he also faces the man who he eliminated in the semi-finals of said tournament!
Howley: You say that as if it’s an advantage for Rush. Lord Colossus is angry, and I have no doubt that Walt Whezl has done everything he can to remind him that he gets a chance at redemption against the man who got a fluke roll-up win against him back on Episode 5
Moss: Let’s head down to Harold Robbins to kick-off this highly anticipated Main Event!
The pre-match bell sounds and Harold Robbins stands facing the hard-cam, in the center of the ring, with the Classic Wrestling microphone hanging down from the rafters on its retractable cable.
Robbins: Ladies and gentlemen, this… is our MAIN EVENT of the evening! On his way out to the ring first…
The instrumental classic, “Sirius” by Alan Parsons Project, begins blaring across the arena speakers, causing the entire audience to come off their feet! Rush Starling emerges from behind the curtains and the crowd pops LOUD!
Robbins: From Allentown, Pennsylvania… weighing in at 240lbs… RUSH STARLING!
Rush jogs in place for a moment, rolling his shoulders and limbering up a bit as he acknowledges all of his fans in attendance. Stopping at the entrance ramp, Rush smiles, and then points at the curtains again. Suddenly, “Sirius” morphs into the catchy-as-all-hell classic “Life in the Fast Lane” by The Eagles and the crowd roars yet again!
Robbins: And his partner… from Brooklyn, New York… weighing in at 261lbs… “Metro” VITO VALENTINO!
Vito emergers, wearing his trademark sunglasses, a new shirt that says “Welcome To The METROpolis” in a Guns n’ Roses “Welcome To The Jungle” inspired logo on it, and black tights with yellow stripes and a checkered pattern going down each leg. Vito motions for the crowd to get off their butts and go crazy! Looking at his tag partner, Vito slaps hands with Rush and goes in on a bro-hug before both men make their way down to the ringside area.
Moss: Vito and Rush look like they have a ton of chemistry already and they haven’t even started wrestling yet!
Howley: It’s you, Moss Rock. I haven’t seen a darn thing from these guys to even remotely suggest what you’re suggesting. Let’s wait until they’re in the ring to decide that, shall we?
“Ace of Spades” by Motörhead interrupts as Vito and Rush make their way into the ring, clearly annoyed that their entrance was cut off before they could get into the ring. Rush and Vito look at each other like, “Hey, what gives?!” but soon forget all about it as an angry, seething, Titan of Terror in Lord Colossus makes his way out next.
Robbins: And their opponents… making his way out to the ring first accompanied by Walt Whezl… from Parts Unknown… weighing in at 350lbs… LORD COLOSSUS!
Lord Colossus steps over the ropes and into the ring as Walt Whezl yells at him to “get ‘em’”!
Charging ahead at Starling and Valentino, he swings for a double clothesline, but his intended targets duck under the clothesline attempt and slide to the outside, letting Colossus cool down a bit since the match hasn’t even officially started yet.
Moss: Wow. Lord Colossus looking to get things started in a hurry!
Howley: If I fell victim to a cheap roll-up that eliminated me from the most important tournament of my career, I’d be looking to take it out on anyone in my path, too!
Moss: I’d hardly call getting caught in a basic wrestling move a “cheap roll-up, Thunderbird. Geez you’re especially cantankerous tonight!
Dave Mustaine’s recognizable voice begins screaming across the sound system as Megadeath’s “Train of Consequences” hits. The audience immediately boos as Alex Bruder walks with a measured calmness to him. Smirking at the fans all giving him a hard time, Bruder reminds them all of his place in Classic Wrestling by holding up the Real World Championship.
Robbins: And his tag team partner… making his way down to the ring… from Hillsboro, North Dakota… he is the Real World’s Champion… Alex Br-
Howley: What the…!!
Moss: Vito just made a BEE-LINE for Alex!
Alex motions for Vito to come at him and prepares for another belt shot, but as soon as he swings forward, Vito ducks! Alex turns around and he’s greeted with a series of harsh left hands from the southpaw that sends Alex reeling towards the ring! “Train of Consequences” stops cold and this crowd goes bananas for the fisticuffs on the outside!
Howley: This isn’t right!! The bell hasn’t even sounded!!
Moss: Looks like Vito’s been WAITING for some payback after that despicable cheap shot on Episode 7! And these fans are loving every second of it!
Finally dropping the championship belt, Alex tries to get away from Vito, but the fired up Metro grabs Bruder by the back of his neck, and tosses him at the ring post so hard that when he hits it, his body spins around as it hits the outside mat!
“METRO! METRO! METRO!”
With his hand under his neck, he flicks it towards Bruder, shouting something in Italian that probably shouldn’t be repeated by any of the youngsters in the crowd.
Howley: Well that wasn’t very nice!
Vito rolls back into the ring after this, but is absolutely folded inside out by a clothesline he didn’t see coming from Lord Colossus!!
Moss: He nearly took his head off with that clothesline!
As the dominoes kept falling, Lord Colossus turns around to see Starling leaping into the air from the top rope… and just straight punches Rush in the head for trying a top rope flying cross-body. Lord Colossus lets out a primal roar as Walt Whezl claps and Alex Bruder is still trying to figure out where the heck he is after being thrown into the ring post by a vengeful Vito Valentino.
Moss: This is mayhem, folks!! I think Chip Newman needs to get this thing in order before we even make an attempt to have a tag team match! Folks, we’ll be right back! Don’t go anywhere!
Howley: We Really need picture in picture, don’t we?
Commercial
We fade in from the commercial break where we see Lord Colossus unmercifully beating on Rush Starling.
Moss: Welcome back, folks! The match officially got underway after Chip Newman called for the bell! While the action continued during break, we want to show you what happened exactly that set Rush Starling and Lord Colossus into the position they’re in now..
A replay shows Alex Bruder finally gaining his bearings after being driven into the ring post by Vito Valentino during their skirmish on the outside before the official bell was sounded. Bruder slid into the ring and when Walt Whezl had the referee distracted, Bruder once again grabbed his Real World’s Championship and blasted Vito upside the back of the head with it! Vito looked to be out cold and out of commission on the outside of the ring. Bruder rolled back outside and dropped the championship on the outside so that Chip wouldn’t see it.
Moss: As you can see, this has caused Rush Starling to be alone in the ring right now and Vito is still recovering on the outside while Lord Colossus and Rush Starling remain the legal competitors in the match!
Howley: It was only right. Vito gave him the cheap-shot before the bell even rang!
Lord Colossus has Rush Starling in the turnbuckles, repeatedly smashing him with mini-football tackles in the corner until the Allentown native collapses down to his keister against the bottom rope. Meanwhile, Vito is still on outside, having some difficulty even getting up.
Moss: Vito looks like he’s in another world right now. Not good.
Howley: He shouldn’t have egregiously attacked the Real World’s Champion before the bell then!
Grabbing Starling by his neck, Colossus rag dolls him to the center of the ring with a massive biel throw!
Moss: My God!! He just launched Rush clear across the ring!!
Howley: What impressive strength from the Lord!
Colossus puts his foot on top of Starling’s chest…
One!
Two!
Thr- Starling kicks out and Colossus snarls!
Bruder extends his hand for Lord Colossus to tag it… who doesn’t seem to want to accept it. But suddenly, Walt motions for Colossus to make the tag anyway. Snarling some more, Lord Colossus smacks Alex Bruder on his shoulder and steps over the ropes, looking none too happy.
Moss: Looks like Alex Bruder wants to get him some of Rush Starling tonight, too.
Howley: Certainly appears that way!
Picking his opportunity like the ultimate opportunist, Alex Bruder measures up Rush Starling for something.
Moss: Is he going for the Cobra Clutch?!
Howley: I think he is! This one’s over if he can lock it in!
The fans freak out as Bruder holds his arms out, anxiously awaiting Rush to get up. When he does, he goes to trap the arm… but Starling counters by sending Bruder into the ropes. On the rebound, Rush connects with a beautifully executed dropkick! Bruder is up again, and Starling connects with another one! For a third time, Bruder is up. But instead of going for the dropkick, he hops to the middle turnbuckle and leaps forward, connecting with a flying crossbody! Rush hooks the leg!
One!
Two!
Thr- Bruder kicks out!
Moss: Rush Starling darn near pinned the Real World’s Champion there!
Looking exhausted after having been in the ring this whole time, Starling collapses and begins crawling over to Vito, who has only just now gotten back onto the apron! Bruder is starting to get up and sees Starling crawling over to his damaged partner. Realizing he cannot have a fired up Vito Valentino in the ring right now, Bruder grabs Starling’s leg and pulls him away from Vito’s now outstretched hand….
…but he’s too late! Rush with the hot tag and suddenly Vito’s eyes go wide with fury as he points at the man who bludgeoned him twice with the Real World’s Championship.
RAAAAAAAH!!
Vito is in like a house of fire! Just as Bruder makes an attempt to throw a fist, Vito ducks. Charging to the opposite ropes from his corner where he tagged in, Vito rebounds and nails Bruder with a vicious clothesline that sends him down hard! Yelling at him to get up, Vito wastes no time picking Bruder up for a bodyslam when he does. Planting him with Earth-Shattering force, Vito makes a motion for something!
Howley: No!!
Moss: Yes!!
He begins twisting Bruder’s legs up for the Metro Avenue Deathlock… but Lord Colossus steps one leg over the top rope and makes it seem like he’s going to do something!
It’s just enough of a diversion for Vito to stop trying to tie up Bruder’s legs! As soon as he lets go, Bruder has the roll-up on Vito!
One!
Two!
Thr– Vito kicks out!
Vito rolls back with great agility and charges ahead, side-stepping Alex Bruder and nailing a 260lbs dropkick to Lord Colossus that sends him off the apron, smacking his ribs off of the apron and putting him down to one knee in one fell swoop.
Howley: Another cheap shot!
Moss: Will you stop it?!
Wanting to put him down the rest of the way, Rush Starling sprints around the perimeter of the ring and connects with a dropkick to Lord Colossus’s head that sends him the rest of the day down to his back!
Moss: Starling just made sure Colossus isn’t getting back in the ring! At least not right away!
Howley: Cobra Clutch!! Bruder has it!!
Sure enough, Bruder locks in the cobra clutch on a distracted Vito. Vito struggles to get out of it while Bruder begins to put Vito out.
Moss: This isn’t good..
Howley: Nobody gets out of the-
Vito leaps up with a single foot and pushes off of the top turnbuckle, causing Bruder to fall back and Vito to roll back on top of him with the Cobra Clutch still locked in!
One!
Two!
Three!
Howley: -cobra……clutch.
DING! DING! DING!
Moss: VITO GOT HIM!
The fans become unglued as Vito rolls off of Bruder, with a giant smile on his face.
Robbins: Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner by pinfall… the team of ”Metro” Vito Valentino and Rush Starling!